by request...

Kari Jobe/ Christ for the Nation's - The More I Seek You

two loves

I'm back in Georgia! I love it. It's so sunny. And chaotic. And there are so many dark-haired beautiful Georgians (as in comparison to light-haired beautiful Dutchies) :-). And I just am glad to be back.

But that's not to say that I don't miss Holland... I do! Enough to spend extra money to buy hand soap that was from Holland (or that I at least saw in Holland) instead of just regular hand soap. And that I got excited that I saw a Nutella jar that had Dutch on it and was from Holland. Slightly ridiculous, but these were my true feelings!

I'm totally in love with this song "The More I Seek You" - Kari Jobe/Christ for the Nations. I am like constantly singing it either in my head or out loud when I'm walking around. It's really how I feel these days:

the more I seek You
the more I find You
the more I find You
the more I love You

I want to sit at Your feet
drink from the cup in Your hand
lay back against You and breathe
feel your heartbeat
this love is so deep
it's more than I can stand
i melt in Your peace
it's overwhelming

Beautiful. Profound. Amazing.

Well, off to bed. I have a meeting tomorrow! The fun begins. :-)
Georgia, I love you and am glad to be back. Holland, I love you too and hope to return soon!

just reflecting.

It's snowing.

It's so interesting to be able to witness the incredibly amazing way the seasons change. Like, I'm looking out the window and now its snowy and white, the trees are bare, and it's cold. And 3 months ago, it was sunny and green, the trees were full and it was bright and warm. It's hard to fathom how many things happened in these short 3 months. Life is a mystery to me. I'm feeling poetic and reflective now, but my words don't suffice. But I'm amazed. Life is beautiful. Creation is beautiful.

I'm really starting to believe that I'm going back to Georgia. I mean, I always knew I was going back after the school was finished (I have a plane ticket!). But it's so easy to get involved and caught up in life here. But now things are really coming to an end. I had my last one-on-one. Last time in worship with the base. My last test. And I'm procrastinating on doing my homework for the last time now. So many lasts. I feel a little sad, but not completely. Pretty numb too (from so many contradicting emotions! excited to go back to Georgia, sad to leave, etc.). But totally full of gratitude for this life-changing 3 months in Holland. Another chapter to my story, eh.

I'm really wondering about my life. Sometimes I think that I want to have a more consistent one. Not having to switch "homes" so much. Knowing more what to expect. Being more comfortable. But then I think that I'd be unhappy in that situation. But then I think, is life all about traveling and excitement? All about being comfortable and consistent? I don't know. Is there even a standard that determines that your life was good or well lived? I'm really wondering. I'm really wondering what I want. What God wants to use me for. What I'd like. What would be fulfilling. What I can do. A lot of life-destiny questions.

I wish I could know the answers now, but I understand that I can't. I'll know as I walk into them.

character is essential

I am still alive.

In Holland.

Although, I feel that my homework is eating me alive.

But I'm surviving.

One of my "goals" for the BCC was to grow in self-discipline. And I guess forcing yourself to do the homework you have to do even when you don't want to do it would fall under that category.

My life is very interesting, right now. Feel like I'm driving blindfolded. And I'm so not in control. I'm totally tried in my patience. But I know there's no other end than to persevere.

So continues the process of character growth.

trusting is not so easy

It's so hard to trust sometimes. I wish it weren't, but it really is. And it's funny... it's a lot easier to tell people that they need to trust God-- but then to actually do it myself is a lot harder.

Or it feels like I'm letting go of what I can't control and trusting, but then in a wave of emotion it hits me again and I'm knocked to the ground (this is what I feel like).

I just don't really know how to come to grips with the fact that I'm an incredibly emotional person. I know that God made me that way, and I want to be able to embrace that, but it so controls me a lot more than I'd like it to, and THAT I don't know what to do with.

I don't like that I get pulled around by how I feel, but how do I change it so that my emotions can help me and not hurt me?

I have a lot of questions.

The Bible Course is going pretty good. We have quite a bit of homework. We have a book of the Bible that we study for a week, and we do a lot of different things with that, looking up historical information, trying to understand the context more through various means. Also one day a week we are reading the Bible out loud. We'll read through almost the whole Bible out loud by the end of the 3 months.

Holland is still great. I think that I definitely have fallen in love with the beautiful nature! Every morning I ride through the forest to go to class... how amazing is that. I love it very much.

Also, I've started helping out with worship a little bit on the base. It's fun to get involved. But I notice too that I miss being involved in ministries-- I miss my street kids and my street people!!

But I'm glad to be where I am and I'm trying to embrace the day, eh.

at the moment...

some people think that freedom is found in chaos.
some people think that knowledge is shown with words.
I believe there is freedom in submission...
and knowledge shown through silence...
before the Living God.
BEFORE THE LIVING GOD.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction." Proverbs 1:7

jjjenni and the wwwindmill

Hey everyone!

So I'm still alive and well in Holland. :-)

Classes have started and we just today really got into it. We're reading through the whole Bible in these 3 months, so we have specific Bible reading days and today was one of those. Me and the 2 other people in my English speaking group read the books out-loud and then afterwards we answer questions. Also, before we read the book, we have these little introductions to each book that give us more information about when it was written, to whom, etc. So, so far today we've read: 1&2 Thessalonians, 1&2 Timothy, Titus, Philemon, James, Ephesians, Colossians and we will read 1&2 Corinthians tonight. And I'm pretty sure there is something that I left out. It's pretty intense, but I'm sure it will only increase in intensity... like when we read 1&2 Kings and it will supposedly take 6+ hours...!!!

I have a great roommate named Sonja from Germany. We get along really well! And I just really like all the people in my school, students and staff.

The weather has been really really beautiful this last week (I've been here for a week already!), but unfortunately it looks like it's going to get colder and possibly rainy. :-( But I'm grateful for the nice weather we've had. :-)

Well, here's like one of the only pictures that I've taken since I've been in Holland... I know that's pretty lame. But you wouldn't believe how hard it is to take pictures when you're riding a bike....


It's Jenni and a giant windmill!! This is the first Dutch windmill that I've ever seen in my entire life that was not on a coloring page or in some cultural Christmas pamphlet thing. :-)

holland is da bomb.

Hallllooooo!!!

I'm in Holland and I'm really really loving it! But I have heard that the first stage of being in another culture is the "honeymoon" part where everything is amazing and beautiful and you love it-- and then you begin to see all the negative things. So I'm just really praying that I won't get to that part. I only have 3 months and I don't want to waste it on having a bad attitude and getting offended about different cultural things that I can't control or change. Really praying!

Our course will start on Wednesday and so these days I'm just kind of getting introduced to living here. I've rented my bike (which is super amazing-- I'll have to take some pictures and show you!) and that's my transportation! The place where we live is kind of like a village, but a modernized-ish one, but quaint and quiet and cute and green and beautiful! And the base is in a neighboring village, so I ride on a bike trail through the forest to get there! We'll have most of our lectures, etc. at the base. I think pretty much the only negative thing about the bike is that my bottom is reallllllyy sore...! But I think after a few days it will get used to it! :-) And also I have yet to ride in the rain... but I'm sure I'll experience that soon enough. BUT I pretty much love my bike.

The town is also very cute. Lots of cute shops. Lots of things calling at me to buy them because they either don't exist in Georgia, aren't as good quality or are cheaper here-- but I'm trying to remember that my happiness is not birthed from an abundance of cute possessions. :-) I'm sure I will buy some things, but I'm definitely having a challenge in self-control and keeping my perspective in tempting times!!

So, yeah! I'm really enjoying it here! I feel like it's really a gift from God! I'm sure though that when I start studying I will be more focused on that than on being continually amazed at my surroundings!!!-- but for now I'm enjoying it. :-)

Thanks for all your prayers and interests!

i love

I HAVE MY PLANE TICKET TO HOLLAND.

not that i'm excited or anything... or maybe I AM!!!!!!!

So that's some great news to share with you! Really, it's a miracle. Just like a couple of weeks ago I thought that maybe I wouldn't go-- but now I have a plane ticket. I really see through this God's power and active-ness in our lives and concerns. He is really amazing. Thank you Lord for leading me and helping me to this Bible school in Holland!!

Also as I was walking downtown today post-ticket-buying, I saw some of my street kids from the center. They were so sweet!!! And I was super encouraged-- one of the street sellers was telling me how good of kids they were. Once they wanted to buy some earrings but didn't have money at the time, so they sort of took out a "loan" (for a couple of cents) and said they'd bring the money the next day-- and they DID. So this lady was saying how good they were and how much she trusts them, and I was standing there with my arms around them saying how good they were too-- and I think the kids really liked that. People valuing them. And I was filled with so much hope! There are many people who say that these people groups (Kurds&Gypsies) will always be liars and thieves and beggars-- but I can see that they are wrong. These children can change. They can be "normal". They can be respected and show respect. How cool is that. Again, God is pretty amazing. Because He cares. He wants to teach them and help them out of the situation they're in. I absolutely believe that. And I just pray that I really can be a part of it.

new songs

Hey all! Well, I seem to have made decent use of my time since I got back from Kiev and wrote that last blog post. I recorded 2 of my newer songs. You can go ahead and listen-- think of them like "rough drafts"! :-) But I hope you enjoy them. Here's the PLACE YOU CAN LISTEN & lyrics:

It's Not Heavy
I am yoked to Freedom
I am yoked to Love
And maybe you won't believe it
But it's not heavy at all
(repeat)

Is it possible
To live this life alone?
I have come to see
That the answer is, "no"

I have spent so many days
Walking under the weight
Of this world and all its worries
And I could hardly stand
With my broken back
But You came
You came
You came...


Easier & Easier
Lord, please reveal
All the things that I've thought
That were not true at all
Lord, please heal
All these wounds that I've got
And the ones that I've caused
Lord, please hear
My prayer and my cry and my song

'Cause it's not always easy
To trust in what you can't see
But I know You're real
I can feel it
Yes I can feel You inside
And I know You're right
I know You're right
I can feel it

Lord, I have come
Pretty far on my way
But I don't want to stay
Where I have been
So please hold me close
And take my hand
And lead me
Lead me
Lead me...
Where You want me

And it gets easier and easier
To trust in Your good character
I believe You'll do
What You've promised

i'm so patriotic (to georgia, that is)

Well, I'm back!!!

The conference was pretty much AWESOME. There weren't 500 people there though, more like 300. But I was not as socially awkward as I had expected myself to be. The worship times were really quite incredible, God really revealed some new things (new to me) about worshiping Him. Before (and I guess it probably will still happen sometimes, I'm not completely transformed in my thinking yet, but in process...) if I had like some mistake that I'd made, or if I felt not so good, or a lot of different things, it was so hard for me to sing worship songs to God. Like really hard. Even after I repented of my sin or whatever it was, it took me quite a while to get back to feeling normal and being able to sing to God. But God really quite continually spoke to me about the fact that He doesn't change, no matter what I do/have done or what I'm feeling-- He is always the same and therefore He is always worthy to be praised. And He always loves me. His love for me does not go away even when I make mistakes, so I can really still sing about His love in the midst of my incorrect feelings of being unloved because of my mistakes.

Also had a great time just getting more connected with people in our organization-- ones that I'd met before and ones that I met for the first time. And pretty much I love my life and I love that I'm a part of an organization that I feel is really seeking to know God more than any organizational type thing. And out of relationship with God, everything else flows. It's so cool to see people up to like 70+ something years old, who have the same vision and ideas as me, who aren't all like "super holy", but confess that they are on the same path to getting to know Jesus. Old people that don't make me feel small. Old people that make me feel like I can actually do something and succeed in this life. I LOVE IT. (www.ywam.org)

I'm just continually amazed at how increasingly exciting my life has become once I really decided to give it to Jesus. I love it. I love it. I love it.

So, getting ready to go to Holland. This begins my last week of craziness in Georgia before I head out. I still don't have my plane ticket & 1000 euros that I need to have toward my school fee before I buy my plane ticket in my bank account yet although people have said it's on the way. What can I do?-- but Lord, you know what I need.

At this conference I became acquainted with a new song that I really really like a lot and feel like my heart will explode when I sing it (out of love and meaning, of course):

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

CHORUS:
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

dun dun dun

Well, I'll be heading off to a University of the Nations (www.uofn.edu) conference in Kiev in just about an hour. There will be... 8 of us from the Youth With a Mission Tbilisi base, and 5 of the 8 are Georgians!! That is a first for us! So I'm pretty excited. There will be about 500 people there. So I guess that makes me a little nervous too (I sometimes can be really awkward in large social settings). But I'm trying not to think about it. My latest received advice about that problem: "Just focus on the other person"... so that's what I'll be trying to do!

Also some good news about Holland, it looks like I WILL be going! I've talked with a few people and it looks like I will have enough support coming in to buy a plane ticket, pay for my rent in Georgia while I'm gone, and begin saving up to pay the course fee. So that's actually quite a miracle. Because I went from probably not going to pretty much yes going in like 2 days. Over $2000 raised in 2 days. That would be God's work.

So I'm excited about that, but am foreseeing that it will be a very stressful time for me when I get back from Kiev. I'll have just one more week in Georgia to get my plane ticket, pack up my bedroom, pack for Holland, finish whatever responsibilities I need to, etc. and then leave. So you can be praying for me if you think about it.

:-)

Well, off I go on another adventure!

I love my life.

3weeks

So I went to the nose doctor today. She asked me a couple questions, and then told me to go to this other place to get a bacteria test from the inside of my nose. Then I mentioned that I'd be going to Kiev next week (I'm going for the University of the Nations Workshop) and she was like...

"NO! Don't go!!" I asked why. "Because a power-plant exploded in Leningrad (St. Petersburg) last night and there's radiation!!!"

That was really calming news. But I just tried not to think about it. I'm sure it really did happen (I found a couple things on the internet too), but I'm not sure to what extent. She said Russia was trying to cover up the facts. To be honest, in the back of my mind I wonder if some Russian intelligence spy will read this blog entry because I wrote "Russia" and "power-plant exploded" TWICE. But I really hope it's not too serious of an explosion/leak/problem. I have friends in that city!!!

So, I left that doctor's office and went to this other place where they do "bacteriophage". Something like that. I'll get the results on the 3rd.

I've started packing for Holland / the apartment move that will happen while I'm in Holland. Two things that really amaze me. One: I've been packing for probably a combined total of 10 hours and I feel like I haven't even made a dent in it all. How is that possible??!?! Two: It's really strange how the 2 bags that I brought with me to Georgia for the first time I came to stay in 2006, somehow multiplied to like 10 bags + a desk + a bookshelf+ a million other household things. Seriously. How does that happen??!?!

Also, I have to say I'm feeling the most tested with faith in finances now than I ever have been in my entire life. I'm supposed to leave in 3 weeks. I don't have a plane ticket. I do have $900 pledged. I don't have money to pay my last months rent or the rent for when I'm gone. I don't have money for the school fees. I do have some money saved for my conference registration fee in Kiev... that's good. I can't say that all this lack of money really bothers me so much, I'm so just going about my business preparing for everything, but every once in a while I think and I laugh at myself a little bit. Like, "Jenni... are you crazy? You're preparing to go and you have no money to pay for it?" But then I think that there must be some way and I'm certain I'll see a miracle. Side note: I don't want to say that this is all an excuse for financial irresponsibility. That's not what I'm plugging at all. I just happen to be in a situation where I didn't have a lot of time to plan and I'm riding the waves. But planning is good, and if you can do it especially with money things-- I definitely recommend it!

Just so you know.

Well, I'm going to try to tidy up the mess just a little bit so I can sleep for now. :-)

short

My nose is bad again... so I'm going to go to a new nose-doctor tomorrow and will hopefully find an answer for my chronically congested/infected nose.

I've spent the evening packing (practice-packing) for Holland. Which is funny because I don't even have a plane ticket yet, and I'm supposed to leave in like 3 weeks...!

Also, before I go to Holland, I have to pack up my room so its ready to be moved while I'm away. So, because of it all my room is a complete disaster and I don't have the strength now to tidy it up.

Transition and waiting times are so hard. Seriously.

But they lead to great things.

some BIG news!

I’m going to The Netherlands to receive more training within YWAM! I’ll be attending a 3-month training called, Bible Core Course (BCC). I can say that this is a very different course than I had expected to take… but I believe it’s what God wants for me now!

Why This School? I was on outreach in Rene, and we had just had a staff meeting. We were just sharing with each other our feelings and what had been on our minds, and I shared that I was really wanting to hear from God about my future after this DTS. I’d been looking into YWAM counseling training schools and specifically at one in India… but I just didn’t have complete peace about it, and neither did my base leaders. So, I asked my fellow outreach staff to pray for me that God would just really show me the best direction to go after DTS. They prayed and then just a couple days later, I received a text message from one of my base leaders. She had been searching for opportunities for future training and found a Bible Core Course in the Netherlands… I thought about it and the more I thought the more that I saw that it would really be the most helpful step for me now in ministry. To have a more firm understanding of God’s word and for me to know better how to study the Bible in my personal times with God! So that is how this was all “born”.

What is a Bible Core Course? “The BCC is a 12-week course that will introduce you to the inductive approach of Bible study. The inductive approach means that you let the Bible speak for itself. You practice this by learning to observe what the Bible text actually says, by skills of interpretation and by applying the Word of God to your life. During the 3 months you will read the entire Bible and study in depth at least 14 Bible books, from different forms of literature. The teachings will often be combined with workshops to involve you as an active part of the teachings. There is a lot of variety in the workshops, like drawing, drama, music or group activity. In this way you will be equipped with many tools for integrating the Word into your life.” (www.ywam.nl/heidebeek/bcc/en/)

The course will start on September 23rd and I will return to Tbilisi after the course finishes on December 18th, to continue my ministry with YWAM Tbilisi. I still feel a calling to be in Georgia working with DTS and other ministries-- and even while I’m in The Netherlands at the YWAM Heidebeek base, I’m still considered YWAM Tbilisi staff and will have to do my best to represent our little country and base in a good and true way! :-)

What This Has to Do With You…? -- I NEED YOUR HELP!
The fee for this course is about $ 2850. The airfare is about $ 600. Also, I will still need to rent an apartment in Tbilisi while I’m gone, and that will be about $900. And plus, for travel expenses and for living in The Netherlands (renting a bike-- I hear it will be my main form of transportation!, buying books for school, purchasing health insurance which is required in the Netherlands, etc.) So, Im looking for a total of about $5000 + continued monthly support. I know that this is a lot of money to ask for, especially in our time of “economic-crisis”-- but all I can do is ask you and trust God that He will make it happen! After all, I wasn’t even thinking about this until He brought it up. :-)

Leave me a comment with your email address included if you'd like to help out financially, and I will send you the information you need!

I... I'm...

I'm up late, researching information about The Netherlands.

I ate "Asian Fast Food" last night-- in Georgia, that's next to a miracle.

I bought Second-Hand clothes today, but that's not unusual.

I'm incredibly tired, but filled with excitement for the days to come.

I wish there were more hours in the day and more fire in my heart to be motivated, to do all the things that need to/should be done.

I'm also slightly frustrated that Western Union will not make a Bank-to-Bank transfer from my American account to an account in The Netherlands... WHY???

I'm also wishing that tomorrow was not Saturday, because I'd be able to find answers to a lot of my questions sooner.

I like the fact that it's not super hot this summer, but thinking that it would be nice to have not super hot minus the rain.

I'm wanting to find an emotional balance (instead of being thrown to one side by the excitement of upcoming travels & adventures... then thrown to the other by the question of what to do and how to live my life in the ordinary today).

I'm also wanting to find fulfillment, contentment, peace and wisdom-- from having conversation with my Creator.

I'm also also wanting to be more sure of who I really am and what I really mean and what I really love and value.

I told myself that I'd go to bed by 10:00pm because I was feeling bad, then I began to feel better + started researching some information and then changed my bedtime to 12:00am... so I think I will head in that direction to show myself at least a bit of respect.

pictures

Our 9 person outreach team in Khikhani

"Helping" the neighbors chop wood ("helping"... just long enough to take a photo. I don't seem to have good wood chopping skills...)

Kissing a baby turtle

Helping a grandma prepare wool for a blanket

This grandma is almost a century old

Milking a cow (but I really don't have good cow-milking skills)

Modern transportation

In Rene, at the local village church

In Gori at the kids camp, with my group of girls (that I led in Georgian)

BAAAACCCKKK!!!

Hey you guys, I'm back to Tbilisi and to my lovely Macbook!! I can say for the first like 20 minutes of use, I felt so strange and my Macbook felt so foreign to me! I was amazed at the bright light and the way that the cursor would move when I touches the mouse pad. Seriously. It's been 9 weeks, a little more than 2 months.

This time has been crazy and incredibly good. We spent the first 6 weeks in a small Muslim village in Georgia. The next 2 weeks in an incredibly Protestantized village in Georgia, and then the last week in Gori working with a kids camp (I even led a group of girls completely in Georgian-- it was a pretty big miracle for me!).

Now I'm in Tbilisi, we will start our last week of DTS on Monday and then it's all over. Seriously. 6 months of my life finished in the wink of an eye. It's what it feels like now at least.

Right now I'm seriously exhausted. We came into town, got Vazi sort of set up for us again, then it was off to conflict resolution and heart-sharing for most of the night (so it is with most DTS's and specifically during debrief time)... and now I'm at home and really tired but trying to get caught up on things.

Some things I love about coming home: everything seems 864 times more beautiful, I feel like I have enough clothes and that they are cool, my toliet flushes and my shower operates without a bucket, relationships seem sweeter and it's exciting to function in a new level of Jenni (meaning, some things really changed in me).

Until next time.... I've got a lot of pictures but not a lot of time to go through them and sort them out... but I'll see what I can do.

Sending my love! It's good to be back.

Testing...

It works?

for now....

So, we're leaving for outreach tomorrow!

Please be praying for us! We'll be gone for about 2 1/2 months... and I probably won't be able to post on here during that time.

Thanks for reading and I'll be back soon enough. :-)

Our Outreach Team

processing my thoughts outloud

It's so easy to start to talk about something, like in a song.

"Just like these chords
They have been played a million times or more
And so we live day after day
Rising at dawn
Falling at night
Always wanting more
That's how we live day after day.

But I'm feeling tired
With the mundane
I don't want to be
Floating around
Day after day
I want to live for something big
A worthy goal and prize
Even if it takes my life

......" And then, I have no idea what to say. I don't know how to resolve the previous "conflict" or question in lyrical form.

And the fact that I draw a blank in that part frightens me a little bit. It makes me aware of my disconnection from reality. Either that, or I'm just held captive to guilt and shame and can't see the truth that is shining over me.

Today was a bit rough for many reasons that don't really need to be listed-- but it all tempted me into self-pity and I agreed. It was so strange too. There I was, wallowing around a bit, feeling my way around, looking for some comfort. At first it worked a little. But then I realized that I was just more empty and increasingly upset and self-piteous. And I thought, "wow". It's kind of like looking through a garbage dump in the middle of summer for food that you could eat without dying or getting incredibly sick. Just not very good odds for success.

So, I'd like to get out of the garbage dump now. Lord, please --

everything is possible for those who believe

We are leaving for outreach in a week and I'm thinking like, "This is impossible"...

One small Muslim village. Nine incredibly unique people. Six weeks.

But I believe that in Christ all those things that seem impossible, or that literally are in our physical world, are transformed to POSSIBLE.

So that's the promise I'm trying to feed off of now.

I've been listening to a lot of Bill Johnson's teachings, and it's really interesting. So much to take in and apply. And I'm excited about it. A little overwhelmed, but excited nonetheless.

The weather in Tbilisi has changed from Winter to HOT. And as much as I despise the death-like feeling of sitting in a crowded, stuffy marshutka on the sunny side with the plastic bags I'm holding sticking to my skin-- there's always the metro. Underground= cool (as in cold).

And a little side note to report my integration, or pursuit to become a pseudo-Georgian: I bought milk from the village lady and boiled it properly, then dispersed it into glass jars for later consumption. A small feat, but with outstanding rewards. Even Marina was surprised (she's usually the one who does it). :-)

time-management

I'm such a ridiculous (and normal) person: these days I don't have a lot of time outside of DTS (Discipleship Training School... if you don't know what I'm talking about, look here) and I come home and spend FOUR HOURS on the computer. Of course I was doing various useful things. Watching Happy Slip videos, learning how to play "Unchained Melody" on the guitar for Tony & Lali's wedding, checking out the Facebook idol competitors and making top 5 lists on Facebook too, feeling guilty for wasting so much time on something that is so not satisfying in the end AND STILL continuing on... for example, like NOW.

4:25:30. I'm grateful for my little time counter thing in my Firefox browser. And at the same time a little put-off by it's truth.

Think of how many things I could have done in that time...
• Paint a picture
• Organize my external harddrive (that is computer related too... but is actually work needing to be done)
• Go to BED
• Read a book or two
• Sweep/Mop my bedroom and if feeling ambitious, entire apartment
• Plan some cool activity for our DTS students
• Take out my summer clothes and pack away my really wintery ones
• Put clothes in the washing machine
• Paint my nails
• Eat some matsoni
• Play panduri
• The list is probably endless....

Lord, please teach me time-management skills.

revelation and khinkali

I'm very tired, it's much too late... but I've accomplished much! Newsletter written, emails replied. Very good.

These days I'm really seeing a part of my character that I hadn't seen for a while/thought had maybe gone-- just this intense insecurity and at the same time hunger to get affirmation from the people around me. These things produce horrible "fruit" and it's emotionally hard to work through this time. But I really believe I'm having the chance to see these things now so that I can WORK on them with God (in whatever form that takes, I have no clue as of yet). So, I'm glad to have another character-building opportunity, but I'm reminded that character-building is super painful and quite treacherous-- and totally worthwhile.

I made khinkali this weekend with my friend Diana's mom. It was fun.

Spring, I like you very much

I spent the weekend in Lagodekhi, a village in the Kakheti region of Georgia, with one of our DTS students, Tamila. I had a GREAT time. It was so beautiful and green, there were tons of farm animals and I saw many new things! And it was just awesome. I've got a ton of pictures, but haven't had time to sort through them yet... but I will.

We're going into the 7th week of DTS, just 5 more to go until outreach-- crazy! But I think it really helps having lecture phase during this time, because now it's becoming more Springlike weather and the sun really helps to boost morale. Really. And I think it will be good to have outreach during summer too... less to pack, or at least smaller things to pack (instead of big winter boots and sweaters and jackets-- done that. And worse, winter clothes and spring clothes for Spring outreach...). So, I'm feeling good.

God is great, and that is an understatement. I'm continually amazed these days that He teaches us so much (when we are seeking Him for answers). I mean, He's God, why would He need or care to spend time teaching us Truth? But He does, and it blows my mind. And what blows my mind even more is that He actually likes us and sees that we're valuable and blesses us so much through the creation around us and by making us the people we are with such amazing gifts and talents and beauty. It's really incredible.

I've seen that it's been pretty popular in the "Christian world" to think that everything in this life is meaningless or not important, but I honestly am beginning to think that it's exactly that-- meaningful and important. There are so many beautiful things in this life, and I think that it's really a gift from God. And I'm really seeking to learn how to enjoy it and to pass some of that joy on to others!

food and music

FOOD.

Yesterday I bought a "shaurma". It's like meat shaving (kind of like gyro meat) wrapped in lavash and it's generally quite tasty. Anyways, I bought this shaurma and as I was eating away joyfully, I discovered that one of the meat pieces was actually like animal skin with hair still on it. Take a moment to control your urges to vomit. Sooooo.... I can't believe I'm going to confess this-- I took that piece out and actually continued to eat a little more until I just couldn't stand it anymore, then I threw it on the ground for the stray dogs to eat. Seriously.

Also, I realized that when I'm not at DTS and when Marina is not cooking, I eat a lot of eggs. Probably because they are easy and quick and protein. But then I started to wonder if that's really healthy or not. Seriously though, they are like a staple food for me here. But, interestingly, I really quite despised scrambled eggs when I was in the States... and now I eat them quite frequently. I do eat them with mayonaise (it's a Georgian thing) and tkemali/ketchup... so it helps mask the egginess. This is so strange. I'm realizing that one of my staple foods is something that I actually don't even like that much on it's own. Weird. Maybe not so.

MUSIC.

Just some new-to-me music that I like so far. I haven't had a lot of time to listen to them intensely, but what I've been listening to-- I like.

Sandra McCraken- The Builder and The Architect
Brian and Jenn Johnson- We Believe
John Mark McMillan- The Medicine
Grace Williams- Fire Fall
Earth, Wind & Fire- Greatest Hits

protests - panduris - psalms

It's a cold Easter morning here in Tbilisi. Well, actually it's only Easter morning if you have a Western mindset. Because actually in Georgia (and I think all of orthodox Eastern Europe) they celebrate Easter next weekend.

Nothing has really been happening with the protests-- they are still protesting, but it hasn't become violent or invaded all of Tbilisi. It's mostly centered downtown around the parliament building. But they have stated that they're going to start blocking main roads and such, I just haven't seen it/experienced it yet.

"...the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose HOPE is in His unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in HOPE for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even AS WE PUT OUR HOPE IN YOU." Psalm 33:18-22

"The LORD reigns forever; He has established His throne for judgement. He will judge the world in righteousness; He will govern the peoples with justice. The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, FOR YOU, LORD, HAVE NEVER FORSAKEN THOSE WHO SEEK YOU." Psalm 9:7-10

Some good news, I will have my extended visa/"resident card" on Monday! It was a little hard to track it down at first, but thanks to Georgia's relationship-based culture and my super helpful landlady who works for the government-- I found the right office and made the next step in my application process, and will be able to pick it up on Monday. Phew... the only slightly less exciting news is that it's only for one year (I was thinking it could be for more because it's the second time I've applied)... but one year is better than none, especially when you're already "illegal" because the 3 month visa stamp in your passport has run out...

Also good news, I received MY panduri yesterday! It's handmade and beautiful. I will allow you to share in the beauty as soon as I have a chance to take some pictures. PLUS, I'm learning some more songs!

I love Georgia.

some hopefully accurate thoughts

What to say, what to say?

There are protests happening in Georgia now, against the president. People say he's to blame for the war and they want him to resign. All that I am able to see is what the media portrays-- but still I find in my heart that I have like compassion, or something, for Saakashvili and his family. He's like one normal man leading a whole (not entirely stable) nation-- that once was for him, and now is against him. I can totally picture that he's laying awake in bed thinking how he got into this situation, rifling through all the feelings (and hatred stirred up by these feelings) of rejection, wishing that he could be just a normal person living happily and anonymously with his family.

We are so hard on our leaders-- whether it's the president, or our boss, or our pastor... We all think that we know better, that we can do better. We blame them for anything that goes wrong. We expect perfection. But we forget that these leaders are people just like us. Are we perfect? No. Do we make mistakes? Yes (if we're humble enough to admit it). I can totally say that I am experiencing a sort of "karma" effect in this area. I can be critical of the leaders in my life too, in the past more so then now... but still it comes out every so often. But now that I am a leader, I feel the other side of it. What it feels like when people are critical of you or disrespectful, etc. And it is so not easy.

I know that I would not feel capable to be the president of any country, no matter how small or large or developed or unstable. And I feel like it would really help us to put ourselves in their situation (not just the glory of it--"oh, I'm the PRESIDENT!!!" , but the real situation--"I'm responsible for a nation of 4.5 million+ people...").

I know that with the situation in Georgia, many people are upset about the lack of work and the displacement of refugees and such. But seriously, the economy now is better than it's ever been--more stable and growing. People are upset that things are so expensive... but things are more expensive all over the world. It's how it's supposed to work. At the same time I really hear the cry of the people living in poverty and I'm by no means saying that they don't have a difficult time-- but I feel like people are only seeing the bad while ignoring the good, and that they are not patient enough to wait for "fruit" to be produced...

But I want to bless the Georgian government, even the opposition parties and their leaders, the poor and the rich, the displaced and the homeless... and say that we are all people with God-given hearts and we stand on the same level before Him. And I pray that our Father God, would bless those who live righteously before Him (with pure hearts and clean hands). And that the work of their hands and the words from their mouths be blessed and prosperous! To bring glory to His name.

I really love Georgia-- not just the actual physical land, but the culture and the vibrancy of the people-- and I will stand here with "her" as long as I am allowed! (which hopefully will be long-- but I still haven't received my resident card yet + my 3 month visa is already finished + with all this political unrest, I have no idea if I the system for giving visas will be working normally...! )

So, Georgia-- I love you and am with you. And leaders (including ones I know personally and people like Saakashvili)-- I respect your position and I understand that it's not easy. And God, please shine Your light in the dark places and champion the righteous.

this is a good post

Oh my goodness! I feel like I just don't have enough time for all the things that I need to do... even shower and sleep! I know that in general I have pretty laid-back work, but I'm feeling a little stressed right now.

This last week I wasn't in lectures for the last 3 days. Partly because they were in another place quite a ways away + I had already been in that teaching (although it would not have hurt me to hear it again.. it was about working with traumatized children)... but also because I was trying to figure out my visa stuff (it's still not ready, not sure what's happening.. ) and I was sick too (am still...)... so maybe I feel stressed now because I got used to not being in lectures and such....

But anyways, good news... Spring is coming!!!

And also, this weekend I began learning how to play the panduri, it's a Georgian instrument! Check out the video to see!

And I like it SO much! It's been my dream to learn, and now it's beginning to be fulfilled!

Also today we (Dennis, Diana, me and our teacher for the week) went to this super small village, Khikhani. There are somewhere around 150-300 people. Generally Muslim population. They've been moved there by the Georgian government from the Adjara region (which is way on the other side of Georgia). In this village there's not much to do and it's out in the middle of nowhere. Anyways, the reason we were there is because one of the girls that we met on our outreach in Khulo (when I was a DTS student forever ago) moved there like 2 months ago. Diana ran into this girl at the Vagzal/Bazaar (which is a huge place and not so easy to run into people) and hadn't seen her since we were on outreach there... and we just thought it was very coincidental... so we were checking it all out as a potential location for this school's outreach.

Diana and I with Darina (on my right in black shirt) and her family.

Anyways, we still don't know for sure what will happen... but we are praying and seeking.

Our students are lovely (as usual). I've been tired + feeling a lack of inspiration and energy-- but am realizing that God has all the inspiration and energy I need... but I need to seek after Him. So, I'm beginning to learn more what that means. And at the same time am learning what it means to trust His love and acceptance when I'm doing nothing (especially nothing "spiritual"). And that love and acceptance causes me to want to be more pleasing to Him. It's an interesting and beautiful thing, eh.

On our way to visit Anna's (in black coat on left) church.

Singing in Anna's church.

learning

So, we are in the middle of the 4th week of DTS. It's going really fast, actually. And the newness has kind of worn off and I find myself getting caught up in the "work" instead of putting my heart into it and focusing on Jesus.

For example, last night we were supposed to have a special worship evening. So I was trying to plan, trying to think of a good creative idea, was having a bit of hard time thinking of something that I thought was cool enough. Then I talked to Korinne on the phone to get some more ideas, and she said something like, 'just remember we want to do something to get them to focus on the amazing things God is doing and has done and to be grateful to Him for that...' and I can honestly say, that I had forgotten that purpose in my planning. Like, of course it was in the back of my mind, but I was more concerned about the night and how it looked and went, then about encouraging them to praise God for what He is doing...

Just a small confession. But after that realization, the evening went pretty well. We had some time to reflect on how our lives have changed for the better and on the blessings that we've seen, and we were able to share together and praise God for those things. And also confess before God the areas where we have been ungrateful. Then we had some song-singing time and it was great too, we really had fun. So, I'm grateful for that.

But I'm constantly seeing how I totally cannot be a leader without the wisdom and love and everything that flows out of relationship with God. And I'm really seeing the power of the words, "Lord, I can't do this without You... please, YOU be the leader." And I'm seeing that just work without the Spirit of God involved produces mediocre things. And I want more than mediocre.

And I'm continuing to learn.

baaaaaaaaad attitude

I had such a struggle with a bad attitude today. I don't really know why, I just woke up feeling irritated and battled with it all day. Maybe I'm getting tired, maybe I'm starting to worry too much about the future (after DTS-- what to do, where to go (want to take another training school), where to put my things when/if I go, where will Marina and her kids be, how to do this and that...) and we're still like 4 months away from even the end of DTS and the beginning of those things.

But I did make it through the day.

And I'm hoping for a better (attitude) day tomorrow.

"Give me understanding, and I will keep Your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of Your commands, for there I find my delight. Turn my heart toward Your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to Your word." Psalm 119: 34-37

" 'Teacher [Jesus], which is the greatest commandment in the Law?' Jesus replied: ' Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. (Deuteronomy 6:5) This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. (Leviticus 19:18) All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:36-40

Jenni's Journeys #9

feeling good.

I had an incredibly productive day, and I'm so thankful!

I started feeling a little sick yesterday, but already had plans to go some places and do some things. And I actually was supposed to go somewhere today-- but I called and canceled and decided that I'd stay home all day to really try to rest my mind and body and immune system. And even though I still had a to-do list, I feel quite rested and accomplished.

This is a general idea of what my to-do list was and morphed into throughout the day:

• Sleep in (check)
• Eat something tasty (check)
• Sweep the mile-high piles of dust bunnies off of the floor (check)
• Do a bit of laundry (check)
• Make and eat some pancakes from scratch (check)
• Call Korinne and talk for a ridiculously long period of time (check)
• Write an update for the amazing people that care about you (check)
• Pluck my eyebrows and clip my fingernails (check)
• Perform a miniature facial on yourself (check)
• Read and intake some Truth (check)
• Prepare worship for tomorrow morning at DTS (to do...)
• Prepare a creative teaching explaining why YWAM is all for relationships (to do...)
• Make something cute and creative to encourage the DTS students (to do...)
• Go to bed by 10:30 (something I hope for...)

So, I'm feeling good.

Tomorrow will be the start of the 3rd week of DTS. Seriously, the 3rd week?! But things are going really great. Like I said in my update (that I completed today):

It’s funny (and completely normal at the same time) how I signed up to be DTS staff… but in a way I feel like I’m a DTS student again, for the 3rd time. How does that work? I’m not complaining though… I’m actually really glad to have this continued opportunity and setting through which I can learn more about what it means to follow Jesus-- on the insides of me and also flowing out of my actions and physical being. It’s really something beautiful and painful, and both explainable and inexpressible...I really can see how God is guiding our students--like a Shepherd guiding His sheep with His heart full of sincere love. And I can testify that God really is speaking to us and showing us His active presence and Truth. It’s incredibly exciting and humbling.


ephrata

If you are bored enough to watch this, it's a video of walking all the way through my hometown (Ephrata)... from one end to the other and back again. :-)

free day

I bought a khachapuri this afternoon and it had a big long hair in it. So I took it back to the place and the gave me a new one (which actually surprised me). But it was grroooooossss-- the fact that there was a hair in the first khachapuri, not the new second hair free khachapuri.

Today was my day off. Typically when I picture a day off I think of: sleeping in until 12 or later, maybe spending some time creating something--like painting or making cards or something, also walking outside in the sunny weather, and maybe even cleaning my room. And those were things I was actually looking forward to. But then yesterday I found out that one of the ladies from the street kid center I'm working with, had planned a special program for the kids at her church and they wanted to know if I could come and help. At first I really didn't want to... but I chose to go anyways.

When I walked out of the metro, I was like bombarded by these kids yelling my name, hugging and kissing me, asking where I've been (because I haven't been to the center now for like 2 weeks). That in itself was sweet and rewarding. Then seeing them enjoy their time at the program. And also, I brought one of the DTS students, Tamila, with me-- and she really liked it. AND I was able to set up outreach for our DTS for this next week (working with some refugee kids)... there was a lady there who is doing that now. SO, in the end, I'm really glad that I chose to go!

first week-- check.

I made it through the first week of DTS. In many ways it was really difficult, but I can say that it was actually quite an amazing week. I'm really seeing how God is protecting and blessing our students. And He's really teaching me a lot too, just about my character, how to be in a leadership position, how to choose humility instead of pride and really a lot of other things. Of course I'm completely exhausted, but I feel really rewarded.

Some of the DTS peoples

We're STILL waiting to hear from the students who applied from South Korea... they had trouble with their plane tickets, and said that they'd be getting here by Wednesday-- but they haven't showed up and we haven't heard from them. So they have until Sunday to get here... after that there won't be enough of lecture phase left for them to get credit for the school. So it's kind of a bit strange not knowing about that situation. Like, we're still planning and preparing things with the expectation that they will be here. But really I have no idea what's happening with them. So we will see.

I can't really find anything else to say (because my brain and body are tiiiiiirreeeed) but I felt strange just abruptly ending with that last paragraph. Okay, good night.

explosion

Tomorrow, my life will explode into an array of joyous events and activities.

In other words, DTS will start.

I'm excited.

music

I remember reading on the news the other day, about a study some people were doing on the way music affects behavior. They stated that kids who listened to music that freely talked about certain activities, more frequently participated in those activities in their actual lives (I won't get specific here). And then some other people came along and said that it was too simplistic (or some word like that) to draw a connection between music and behavior.

And I'm thinking like, HELLO... it totally influences.

Music moves people-- that's why they applaud loudly after a band performs an awesome song. That's why they cry when they hear certain lyrics sung to certain melodies. That's why they drive more aggressively/faster when they're listening to an upbeat intense song.

I see it in my own life too. The music I listen to totally affects me and my mood and my thoughts.

I just think it's ridiculous that people would want to deny that fact.

my grammatically painful story of my visa adventure with Maia

I was so wrong when I had the thought that applying for my visa/resident card thing would be easy. I must have forgotten that I'm applying for one in Georgia.

(Georgia, I still love you in spite of your sometimes deterring and problematic quirks.)

By the way, this story might be painful to read for the grammatically proficient.

I gathered all my papers and headed downtown to meet Maia, who would be helping me with translation and such. Our first stop was to find a good translation/notary place to translate and notarize my passport. Dropped off the papers. Next, visa pictures. Done fast, and pretty good (is it even possible to take a photogenic passport/visa photo?). We then headed to a leisurely stop at a coffee shop while my passport was being translated. Drank some tea and ate some sandwiches. Then off to pick up the passport translation which was done very well. Good. Next off to the ministry of justice to begin the application process. We walk into the building and notice that there aren't many people there... we think: 'Good for us! This will be done quickly!' We get up to the man sitting behind the desk and are informed that the visa/passport part of the ministry of justice has been moved to another (distant) location.

Problem 1.

This was not, however, insurmountable. We stop off at McDonald's for a bathroom break (clean bathrooms all over the world). Then we run into some of the street kids that I work with, and talk with them for a little bit. They buy us flowers for Mother's day (it's tomorrow) and give us many kisses. Then we hop on the metro to get to our next location.

After quite some walking, we find the new location of the passport/visa part of the ministry of justice. It also happens to be the place where refugees and others are registering. So there are like 10 times as many people. But we find our line and begin to wait. Take note, lines in Georgia do not resemble actual lines by any means. This requires vigilance, always being ready to inform newcomers who the last person in "line" is.. otherwise you will get cut in front of again and again. We get up to the desk and begin to explain our goal (apply for a longer visa) and ask how we can do this. After quite some discussion, (she wanted to send us to yet another location, but I pretty much refused... and it turns out that she was the one who could help us, but I think she wanted to send work somewhere else if she could... which is understandable because there were really a lot of people), we are sent to pay a fee for the visa at a local bank (180 lari). We go to the bank, wait in line, pay the fee, return to the new ministry of justice and see that the line has increased significantly, but take our position at the end. We wait for a while, and then are noticed by the lady who had been helping us--she calls us over. She shows me the letter I have stating that I'm working with Axalgazrdoba Miznit (Youth With a Mission) and shows me a few things that need to be changed... even though this is the same letter that I used and that worked for my last long term visa...

Problem 2.

I live quite far away, so we jump into a taxi and head to my house to type in the corrections and print out a new letter. We then jump into another taxi and head to my directors house so that he can sign it and stamp it with our official organization stamp. Then I hop back into that same taxi (he waited with Maia in the car) and head back to the new location of the visa/passport part of the ministry of justice and see that the line has stayed just as large as before. But we take our place at the end again.

By this time I was quite exhausted, Maia was feeling carsick from all these quick taxi rides and the ministry was supposed to close in like an hour and a half.... so I was SO hoping that things would work out okay.

After some time, I make it to the front of the "line" and proudly display my new, corrected letter. The lady reads it and then looks at me with a significant amount of pity in her eyes, and shows me that there is still a mistake... it was not clearly explained how to change this mistake, so Maia begins to defend her translation and I begin to beg her to take it in spite of the small error (and it was SUCH a small error, quite irrelevant to my visa application). The lady, filled with mercy, called one of her coworkers and checked to see if it would make a big problem for me if I turned in that document as is. They said that it would be fine and I was so ecstatically relieved.

Almost problem 3.

Then she continues with application process and begins to input my information into the computer. She asks me what my position is in the organization and I say that I'm just a staff person. But she can't understand exactly what that means. She asks if I'm a manager or assistant, and I say no, I'm just a staff worker. She still is puzzled as to what to write in that blank, and so the 10 people waiting in "line" behind me begin to all chime in (it's the Georgian way of resolving conflicts) and she eventually decides to leave it blank. Then she begins to upload my visa picture into the computer, and we discover that the guy at the picture place didn't put the cropped version on the disc... so I beg her to please please just crop it on her computer. She again mercifully does.

Almost problems 4 and 5.

And about 6 hours after beginning our journey, and after asking the kind lady that helped me again and again if all things would be approved, I hold in my hand the confirmation paper that my application was received.

(this is where I breath a sigh of relief).

So, hopefully by April 1st I will have my resident visa. I have no idea how long it will be for-- 1 year or 5 years. And she said that if there are any problems, she will call me-- but let's hope that doesn't happen.

And, this was my day!

naaaaaame droppppping

Hey! I had a pretty good weekend. Went to Gardabani for the children's program, ended up staying the night at my friend Diana's house. Went and saw my friend Tarana's new baby (in Gardabani). Then came back to Tbilisi really early this morning and went to church with some other friends, Dan and Alla. That was pretty exciting, because I pretty much understood what the pastor was teaching.. not all words, but the main idea... and it was in Russian! (which I have not actually studied, just picked up from hearing it so much)... so that was pretty cooooool.

Tomorrow I'm going with Maia to turn in my application and do all the necessary stuff to get my one year (or hopefully two years this time) visa. Then off to visit Tia because it's her 7th birthday tomorrow!

Wow, I'm doing a lot of name dropping in this post. Too bad most of you don't know who these people are, because if you did I'm certain the name dropping really would be worthwhile and effective. :-)

I saw some of my street kids today in the metro (they're begging in the metro sometimes too). I saw how people were like so afraid to be close to them... and I thought it was so strange, because I really don't have any of those feelings at all. And it's so interesting to see how people look at me when I'm talking to them or kiss them (the typical Georgian greeting)... I hope it's some sort of "testimony" to both the kids and the people watching.

So, in honor of my lovely street sweethearts, here are some fo-toes.

Visiting their house (it's actually not a paradox that the street kids have "homes"... they rent small rooms/houses (not very nice, but liveable at least)... they are actually together with their families, many of the kids are related too... but they live this lifestyle of begging on the streets... it's very complicated and I'm only beginning to understand a little bit of it.)




This is the traditional way that they carry their babies (sometimes they have their little sister or brother with them, or some other relative).




Aren't they like incredibly adorable?? Larissa on the left, Esmira on the right.




We had one day where we gave out Operation Christmas Child gifts, and the parents came too! It was SOOO exciting to begin to build relationship with them! If we want the kids' lives to change, the parents have to change first. And up until now, we hadn't really met any of them... so this was a very cool day!




Aslan with his gift.

that would be E-Freight-ah,emphasis on the E

One: I am incredibly incredibly incredibly grateful for my Dad. He helps me with so many things while I'm over here. For example, doing my taxes. It's like taking away millions of degrees of stress for me that he does that. And he's just a great guy in general, really humble and I'm pretty sure he can fix anything (and that's a comforting thought).

Two: I'm also incredibly incredibly incredibly grateful for my Mom. I really feel free to be open and honest with her, and I'm so glad for that. And she cooks really good food. Also, she's funny and fashionable (seriously, when I'm home I "steal" things from her closet).

Three: I'm strangely longing to be in my hometown (Ephrata). Like, SO bad. Not forever, just for a visit. I realized that I didn't really know a lot about it, so I researched some. The population is less than 7,000... the total area is about 10 square miles... it was founded by some horse rancher man and it was named supposedly by a railroad worker who derived the name from the Biblical description of an orchard in the middle of a desert... also, during the settling times (like in the way olden days), it was not looked at as good settling territory because it's a semi-arid desert (this is all according to my friend, Wikipedia). All of these things fill my heart with such like .... almost pride in the fact that I came from this place. I cannot tell you how strange that is. In high school, my biggest desire was to live anywhere but Ephrata. But I guess things change after time.

Anyways, my dear Ephrata (and all of your inhabitants)-- I love you. :-)

And I really wish that I could eat some of my Mom's food right now...

t- t- tagged

At first I thought this would be appropriate as a good 200th post (I'm not sure why or how, but I feel like 200 posts is some kind of milestone in blog-life). But then I decided it would be better as a 201st post. Rachael, "tagged" me. Or in other non-blogging terms, has forced me against my will to complete this survey and post it on my blog. All love and good humor to you, Rachael. :-)

And, I guess it's supposed to be in celebration/honor of the new year... but hey, it's only February... right?

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Go to Armenia, eat cow head dolma, take Georgian dance lessons

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I gave up on the whole new year's resolution thing back in high school sometime. I did (back then) make ones like, "lose 5 pounds"... but then I realized that I never even really made a way to reach my goal, and that the goals weren't my goals anyways... they were totally influenced by the people and popular media around me. So, I quit.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Umm, I'm sure many but since I'm already 2 months into the "new year", I'm having trouble discerning this year's births and last year's births... so I'll just stick with the answer-- yes.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Well, actually many people died... but I can't say any that were very very close to me.

5. What countries did you visit?
Georgia (the country), Armenia, Ukraine, USA

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A stronger dependence on my relationship with God to even live life in general

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 8th, it was the day I found out that there was a war in Georgia (and I was there at the time).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Staying alive?

9. What was your biggest failure?
Selfishness. Pride. Jealousy.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, I had like a million and a half sinus infections.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My Georgian resident card (it's like a one year visa) and my plane tickets to Ukraine and "America".

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
God

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Man

14. Where did most of your money go?
To many different things. But I did begin to rent my very own apartment for the first time in August.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
All the ways that God provided for mine and other's many needs... just being totally amazed and convinced of God's activity.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Your Love is Strong - Jon Foreman

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Definitely happier-- letting go and being freed from many character flaws and wrong ways of thinking! And more clearly seeing the hope that is in the future and the joy that is in today!
b) thinner or fatter? Umm.. I think thinner.
c) richer or poorer? Actually, richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Forgiving. Loving. Giving. Trusting. Believing. Seeing each moment as valuable and taking opportunities/risks more. Felt free to be free.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being insecure and leech-like.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my FAMILY in "America"!!!

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
In many ways and forms.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
House. I wish that I could watch it here!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I do my best not to let things grow into hate in my heart. But I can't really think of anyone that I'd be tempted to very seriously hate.

24. What was the best book you read?
I read through the Chronicles of Narnia (all of them) for the first time. It was very close to being a spiritual journey for me and my imagination was totally overjoyed (I seem to spend so much time now reading "teaching" or "informative" books... but it was so nice to read a fairytale... a very well written one!)

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jon Foreman and Lori Chaffer, hands down.

26. What did you want and get?
A new mobile phone

27. What did you want and not get?
A husband

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Honestly, the only movies that really come to my mind are I Am Legend and Transformers. But I can't say either of those are films and I can't say either of them are my "favorites". But I really can't think of what else I saw that was like really monumental.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 22 and I was in a village (Gonio) that's like right on the Black Sea in Georgia. We were having our last weeks of DTS outreach. My friends made a party for me and cooked a lot of tasty food. The lady who owned the house we were staying at, did my hair and put makeup on me. And later at night we walked downtown in Batumi and went on the ferris wheel. It was a pretty great birthday.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I cannot say. It was satisfying because I made it through and came out a little more wise.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Umm... "try to be as Georgian as possible".

32. What kept you sane?
People and I'm sure God (even if it I wasn't always going to Him and asking Him to help keep me sane, I'm sure He did many things to ensure that... I know that sounds crazy, but I believe it.).

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
...none?

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Umm, I'm not sure. There are too many spheres of political issues (different countries and such) that I am non-actively involved in... and also, my political views are not all that informed. But I guess you could say that I didn't really like that Russians and Georgians were shooting and bombing each other.

35. Who did you miss?
Well, being in Georgia, I missed a lot of people in "America".

36. Who was the best new person you met?
There were many "best" new people.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
God is bigger than religion.
People are people (and that's incredibly beautiful).
Let little things go and freedom will be found.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"...so why do I worry, why do I freak out, God knows what I need..."
Jon Foreman- Your Love is Strong