here I am!

Hello everyone...I am alive! It's been one month since I've used the internet and I'm having a hard time typing, but I will do my best to update you all on what has been happening!

OVERVIEW of Khulo:
We just spent one month in this place called Khulo. It's a town, but also a region because there are many villages surrounding it. It was taken over by the Turkish about 300 years ago, and was freed sometime after that. Because of the Turkish influence, most of the people there are Muslim. But they are not very "hard" Muslims, most of them just have the name and keep some of the traditions, although there are some who are very strong. In the midst of all of that, there is a little orthodox church, and a priest who has started an orthodox school with quite a few students in attendance. So, there's sort of a religious transition happening. Many people aren't satisfied with Islam and are seeking the truth, seeking Jesus! And we had a part in that.

WHAT We Did in Khulo:
The first weeks that we were there we spent mostly building relationships. It really wasn't very difficult, because for a while we had people over almost every night! It was cool, exhausting and a great opportunity all at the same time! We also visited the mosque, the orthodox church and the orthodox school. And after we built relationships, we spent the rest of the time maintaining them! Our contact Mendia was (and still is!) a blessing from God! He has a large family and a lot of influence in Khulo, and so when we were with him, everything was okay! And God knew all of that too, because in the 3rd week of our time there, He prayed and gave His life to Jesus! There were also 2 other people who prayed (Mendia's mom and a girl named Shorena), and many more heard and saw what having a relationship with Jesus is really about. And it was way cool!

WHAT Is Next For Khulo:
I think this is just the start of what God is going to do in Khulo! But even the start is an amazing thing to see! When we first arrived, Mendia was very standoffish, and he seemed sort of worried about us. But after we were straightforward with him-- told him we weren't Jehovah's Witnesses and told him why we were really there-- and the more time he spent with us, our relationship with him grew! And in the last days he recounted all of that to us! He told us of his fear of us coming, and of his trouble relating to people anyways...but how we overcame all of that (or how GOD overcame all of that!). And we had a very sweet goodbye with him and his family. I really believe that Mendia and his family will participate largely in God's work in Khulo, and it's way exciting!

It's so hard to describe 30 days of living in a village and doing what we did, so know that this is only a brief account!

WHAT I Learned in Khulo:
SO, in addition to all of that I learned: how to wash all of my clothes by hand, how to very proficiently use a squatty potty and I also dropped a flashlight down one, how to run the "petchka" (wood-burning stove), how to make really good Turkish coffee, how to take a shower without a...shower and also experienced many things! I was very sick one night, but I won't into the details of that...just know that it was a totally new experience for me! Also, we went on a cable car...I think it is like the 2nd highest in Europe or something. Yeah, that was cool. Especially when it stopped right in the middle and we all were certain we were about to face death. But, praise the Lord, we didn't! The other day we hiked 6 kilometers (12 there and back) in the snow (like a lot of snow) to a village where we ate some amazing food! Oh, I got engaged to a 4 year old boy named Aleko (he's Mendia's nephew). And so many other things!

So needless to say, I've learned a lot and grown a lot and I'd love to show you some pictures, but I can't right now! Hopefully when I get back to Tbilisi!

AND NOW...I'm in Batumi in an internet cafe, the 2nd one for today actually. My friend Diana and I found the first one and I was doing fine, but then she said that some of the boys wanted to do drugs, so we left. And now I'm here!

Tomorrow morning at 8am, we're going to start traveling to Turkey. It will probably be around a 12-16 hour trip depending on how crossing the border goes, how many times we need to stop to use the bathroom and so on! But, we will be heading to Samsun where we will partner with a local church there.

While in Turkey, I will have the opportunity to use the internet...but I'm not sure how it will work out. Turkey is a closed country, meaning for example, that it is illegal for me to talk about any non-Muslim religion with anyone under the age of 18. And that also means that internet is not really secure there, and so I'm not sure how I will be able to communicate, I will have to see what happens and what the people at the church say!

But, if you don't hear from me for another month, please don't worry...just pray!

And please just pray for us as a team, for unity and for strength as we go into a place that is very spiritually difficult! And for our safety, and for the safety of the people we will be working with. And for God's hand to be over everything!

Thank you so much for sticking with me! I thank God for you!

Until next time, MUCH LOVE AND MANY BLESSINGS!

billions and bags

Well, this might be my last post for a while.

But, things are going pretty good here. But a little crazy...finally finishing lecture phase, cleaning up our building that we've been in, packing to leave for outreach and more and more!

Last week our topic for lectures was "missions". I don't really know how to summarize, or explain it, but it was really cool and really inspiring. And I learned that there are--

2.2 billion people --> (2,200,000,000) that have not heard of Jesus Christ.

And maybe that's not news to you, but for some reason it is to me. I think subconsciously I thought that almost everyone had at least HEARD of Jesus (maybe that's ignorant of me)...but now that I realize, I understand a lot more. Or maybe a little more. But I understand more why we are called to go shine the light for these people...or maybe I'm just beginning to understand. I hope that in a few years I'll "get it" so much more than I do now.

Growth.

So, something less serious, but definitely exciting that happened last week: I was on Skype (for those of you that haven't gotten it yet, you definitely should) and all of a sudden someone that I didn't know was calling me. So, I answered and this guy was like, "hello, I'm Nadi!" and so I asked him who he was and he said he was from Jordan. But then I told him I had to go, because I was getting ready to make another phone call (which was really true). And so later I looked at his profile and he wrote something like "looking for a good girl for nice wife". But with a lot of spelling mistakes and a lot more hope or something behind it. Crazy.

Also, finished reading, "Blue Like Jazz" and I really like it. I basically really liked it after I read the first page, but I really really liked it after I read the whole thing. I definitely recommend it.

And ALSO, last night my friend Megan (she's an Assemblies of God missionary here...I met her at the English speaking church) let me wash and DRY my clothes. You do not realize how cool that is! My clothes haven't seen a dryer for over 5 months...and I was so used to crunchy jeans and shirts. But, oh the glory of soft ones! I am very grateful for that.

So to finish my intitial though...this is probably my last post for a while because we are leaving for outreach tomorrow (Sunday) night. We're going to take a train to Batumi and then sometime in the days after that, go to the village, Khulo. We're planning on staying there for 4 weeks and then we'll go to Turkey for about 5 weeks. And then after that, we'll return to Tbilisi for 1 week. And then DTS will be finished.

Wow.

And then I'm planning on staying here till April-ish, but I guess we will see what God does, you know?!

Okay, so maybe check back in 2 1/2 months (well you can check sooner than that if you want, but who knows how often I'll be able to update) and hopefully I will have written something.

My heart goes out to you! Wow, that sure sounds cute.

:)

buddhists and boots

So, last night I was in this magazine. Well, that's the Russian word for "store" or "shop" and I thought it sounded cool to say I was in a magazine.

Anyways, so there was this lady in there and somehow we discovered we both spoke English and so she asked me what I thought of the boots she wanted to buy, and I said they were nice. I also told her to definitely get the brown ones NOT the black ones, and as far as I know, she did.

But that's not why I bring her up.

This last week at DTS we learned about evangelism, and earlier in the day we had gone out witnessing and so I was sort of hyped up and I had my nice little tract about the 4 spiritual laws in my pocket. And in class we had learned these 2 like starter questions or whatever: 1: If you died tonight, how sure on a scale from 1 to 100 would you be that you would go to heaven? and 2: If you were standing before God and He asked you WHY He should let you into heaven, what would you say?

So, I was talking to her and I told her about my school and what I was doing here. And that opened it up a bit for me to ask something about spirituality, since she already knew I was a non-Mormon, non-Jehovah's Witness Christian. Well, I found out she was a Buddhist of sorts and so I could sort of tell that she really wouldn't want to read through my little tract with me, so I asked her that first question (see above). And her first response was, "well...I'm going to be reincarnated." So, I rephrased it to say, "IF there was a God and IF you were going to heaven how sure would you be, on a scale from 1 to 100 that you would get in?" and she said, "90." And I asked her why and she said something like, "Because I haven't done anything REALLY bad, at least compared to other people."

So, I was like okay. And I asked her the 2nd question, but it didn't really work out because it got all loud and stuff. So, then in a last atempt to talk about Jesus I asked her if she wanted to read a book that talked about Christianity a bit, and she didn't. And she said something about how she had grown up in a Christian community or something like that and they way she said it made it seem like it had been a really negative thing. So, I just told her this.

I said something like, "You know, God really loves you and He has a plan for your life. I know that there are many Christians who misrepresent Christ--I know that I have! They say, 'Jesus loves you!' but then the condemn you a lot and stuff. And I just want you to know that that's not what God is like! And on behalf of all those people who have misrepresented Christ (including myself), I ask for your forgiveness."

She said that I was forgiven and I could tell she really just wanted to get out of there. So, I stopped and started talking about the boots again. She said that she needed to get some money out of the cash machine and I told her where there was one and she left real quick.

I tell this because I don't think I've ever actually talked to or known a person (or maybe I did, but we didn't talk about) that believed that they would be reincarnated but still thought that if they were going to heaven they'd have a 90% chance. It was really interesting. I mean, you see those responses in videos like "Way of the Master", but it's so different seeing it in real life.

But you know, when she said that she was going to be reincarnated, I sensed a sort of doubt. I don't know really how to explain it, but it was like she was saying it, but in the back of her mind sort of not even reallly sure yet.

So afterwards I just prayed that God would bring another person, or maybe more people, into her life that would continue to bring up the topic of God and Jesus and that she would really come to know Him. I know that God wants her to know Him and have a relationship with Him more than I want her to know Him. You know?

So yeah. I also got some really sweet boots too. They have fake fur on the inside and they are warm.

one story and a half

So, since I have not written very much lately (undoubtedly causing a decline in my readership <--are any of those words used correctly?!), I really want to make some sort of effort to rebuild it.

But, I'm not sure how much I am going to be able to post when I'm on outreach (which happens in 9 days), but oh well.

SO ANYWAYS: One day, it was a Friday, a mini-outreach day--we went to a mosque for our outreach. Just to visit and see what it's like (since we're going to Turkey) and it was pretty cool man. Well, the man's reaction was pretty cool. He was like the administrator or something and I really don't think he knew that we were Christians. But, our leader had talked to him a bit and so he agreed to let us come in and look. The girls were even allowed to go into the men's worship place. So we asked questions, he answered them. And THEN...

my leader stepped forward and began to tell him that we were Christians and that we were just wanting to visit (it was more well-spoken and full of content than that, but I can't remember) and the man's eyes all of a sudden got kind of big. And his composure changed. But not in a bad way.

It was like he was completely shocked that CHRISTIANS would go and visit a MUSLIM MOSQUE and not condemn them or throw eggs at them or something. And it was pretty cool. He was very open still and very nice.

We went to leave and one of the guys' shoes was missing. WE found out that one of the street dogs had come in and taken it. But we got it back.

Then later we were walking down Rustaveli, and decided to hang out a big (AKA eat at McDonalds). And on the way, I met some of the gypsy kids I had met a while before when we were downtown. Well, it actually started because there was a little gypsy girl, probably like 2 or 3 just standing on her blanket on the sidewalk (the moms sit a little ways away--enough to watch them to make sure they don't get taken or hurt, but far enough where people can't see them). I was just sort of talking to her, although I'm sure she didn't understand me. But then all of a sudden this mob of gypsy kids came. Well, maybe not a mob. I'd say 10+ and I knew one or two of them from before.

SOME beautiful GYPSIES AND ME (and Nino)!

So, I asked if they were hungry, they said yes (of course) and so I began walking down the street, arm in arm with some of them, looking for a khatchapuri place. We found one and then the above picture was taken. We said our goodbyes and our group kept walking.

But then I ran into another one of the girls that I met before. The first time we met her she said that her eye was bothering her, and so Nino prayed for her that she would be healed. Nothing happened at the time. But when we saw them this time, they told Nino (or one of the Georgians and then I heard) that her eye was fine. That's pretty amazing man! So anyways, this girl was with 3 others and I asked if they were hungry and they said yes (of course). So I bought them some bananas. But they were still hungry, so I bought them some khatchapuri.

And people thought they were stealing from me or something, but I really don't think they were. People characterize gypsies (even I did/do at times) saying that they ALWAYS steal and they don't have a conscience about it and blah blah blah. But you know what, when I talked to those kids, and those girls especially, I saw something in them. I saw that they are real people too. And maybe that sounds ridiculous to say that, because "of course they're real people". But I can tell you honestly that I have had thoughts that they maybe weren't. Not directly, but thoughts that implied that. And I know that other people do. Like the people that walk by them everyday, throwing a coin in their cup, but not even looking at them...not even for a second.

Anyways, I know that God loves them and I really pray and am willing to take action if God calls, to do something that can help them get out of the viscious cycle they are in and restore their dignity and repuatation.

But yeah, so that was one story and a half.

something great

Well, we are basically 99.9% sure where we are going for outreach.

For about the first month, Khulo. It's a mainly Muslim village in the Adjarian region of Georgia, high up in the mountains, where they sometimes get up to 2 meters of snow and sometimes have no snow at all. I'm not entirely sure what we're going to do up there, but at least we know we're going. Right now, there is this man named Jamari here, he's 66 years old and has been working with the people in the village (evangelizing, I assume) for a while. So, he is going to be going with us up there to help us get around and to help us not offend too many people by our DTS-ways.

And for the second part, Turkey. Probably Trabzon and/or Samsun. Again, we're not sure what we'll be doing. But we're sure we're going (at least I think we're sure).

But in any case, we leave on the 26th of this month, prepared or not. But I am certain that we will be fine!

This last Saturday Keti and I (and Wes, but he left kind of halfway through) went shopping for outreach clothes, mostly at second-hand shops, and it was really cool man. Good deals, and I got quite a bit of stuff. But, I hope that we will all have enough money to get the things we need...we will...some way or another!

WHAT ELSE>>>>

The other day I re-read "The Great Divorce" by C.S. Lewis, and I realized that I really DO really like it. I read it once a year or so ago, and was pretty amazed, but I haven't read it since...so I was inspired to again and did. I would totally quote some really intellectual and/or touching passage out of it, but Andrew & Caitlin are reading it now. That's alright though.

AND ONE MORE THING>>>>

What inspired me to read that book again was our 24-hour prayer/fast we had here at DTS. We started at 3pm last Friday and went until 3pm on Saturday. We each signed up for 2 one-hour slots, and prayed for outreach and many other things. It was a pretty amazing thing, man! And WHY THAT INSPIRED ME: the first time I read "The Great Divorce" was like right before I was convicted to have my first fast, and it was really a step toward God, or maybe just more brake-power in my walk away from Him. Either way, shortly after I read that book God turned me around so that I was at least heading in His relative direction (I think I walked rather crookedly and of course for a while, and still do at times).

But anyways, yeah.

3 things...

...that have changed since I've come to Georgia:

NOW...

1. Persimmons are my favorite fruit
2. I actually really like tomatoes
3. I iron my jeans

:)

RELINQUISH: voluntary cease to keep or claim

ME AND MY ROOMMATES: DIANA AND IRA

So, yesterday I realized that there are a lot of things I really miss from the States...even things that I either really didn't like when I was there, or things that I didn't do very often. Like, for example, yesterday I had the hugest desire to go to the mall and to paint pottery with Micahlyn. And always I have the most hugest desire to drive.

I think it's because this week we're talking about "giving up your rights". Like, giving up your right to be comfortable and in your culture, and giving up your right to be married, giving up your right for a "good reputation" and giving up your right to live. I don't mean like never having those things, but just like TOTALLY surrendering them to God. Relinquishing them into His hands and trusting that He will take care of them, and that He will do what He knows is best...but doing all of that and still maintaining responsibilities. It's a really interesting concept, and a hard one. I mean, I can say that I trust God with my potential, or not potential marriage, but really I struggle to do that. You know, you meet a someone you like and you wonder, "will he be my husband?" Or trusting God with my life, when you do that, you are free from the fear of death, and I can say that that is not true for me! So, it's been good to talk and think about this stuff.

And something I really need to give up this very moment is my desire (it's definitely not a right) to control the other students! I struggle to find a balance between like seeing something wrong and mentioning it, and being a nagging-grandmother. I'm not proud of it, and it really is a hard thing to deal with...but I know I need to give it up.

But GOOD NEWS: This morning I was reflecting back on some things in my life, and one instance, or group of similar instances, popped up. I remember when I first started going to EdCC and I went and visited one of my friends in downtown Seattle. When we would talk, somehow partying (like getting drunk) would come into play, and each time I really wanted to say, "no, I'm really not interested in that kind of thing"...but I was too afraid! Maybe afraid that I would look like not "cool" or something, or just unsure about what I even wanted because as a believer in Jesus I was way of course. Anyway, I remember how I was then, and then viewed how I am now. Like, I don't think that I would really struggle with that now. I'd be like, "no way man!". And it's just really encouraging to see these different areas in which Christ has grown and built up my character thus far. I realized how much Jesus really is my REDEEMER, and what that redemption really meant. Eta ochen harasho.

my poem

Lord, there are so many times when I disobey
And then can't see past my feelings at all
Feelings of frustration, disappointment and sometimes even hate
Caused by my amazing ability to fall

But Jesus I know this is why you came
To rise above all the confusion and pain
It's like Paul says in your book, 'Of all the sinners, I am the worst'
And through this example you have displayed

MORE THAN I COULD HOPE FOR

I see your unlimited patience for those who would be saved
And I pray Lord Jesus, that for me you'd do the same
I know I don't deserve it, but oh Lord I pray
That for me you'd do the same

announcement + other things

ANNOUNCEMENT: For those of you who have fast internet and want to talk to me here in Georgia for free, get a microphone for your computer --> www.skype.com --> download "skype" --> and add me (jennifer.cook). It's pretty amazing to think that you're talking to someone halfway across the world for free. And also I can call phones in America for 2 cents a minute...crazy, I know.

OTHER THINGS: I'm feeling really rather uninspired to write anything here, which is strange because a lot has been happening. We are in our 4th week of school, and things are still going really well for the most part. I think now we are all getting comfortable enough with each other that we feel we can be "ourselves", which is great. But also some interpersonal conflicts are forming, which can be kind of stressful...but basically inevitable. We live in small quarters, are together practically all the time, and are all very different (although quite complimentary). But, I trust that God will really teach us through it all, and that once we get through this, we will be able to handle ones in the future a lot better.

OH and I think I'm turning into a Georgian, or something. Like, the other day we were having a break and for a snack I ate bread with mayonaise and pickled pepper on it. Of course the Georgian mayonaise is a lot different than the States (it's REALLY good) but I was just like, "what is happening to me?". And I say things like "oy mey". But it's really great though. I am definitely still more American than Georgian, but it feels good to be fitting into the culture a little more! :)

Although I still can't totally handle the BIG market. I mean, I go, and I've gone on my own to buy vegetables and stuff...but on Monday I went to do shopping for the school food and I about died because we had to get meat too. Usually I just avoid the meat section completely, but I couldn't this time. There were like skinned whole pigs lying in rows on tables (no refrigeration for hardly anything by the way), chickens with some feathers and necks and parts that should be attached still attached, and all sorts of internal organs of like cows and stuff, and big HUGE bones, like legs of cow. And this one guy I walked by, and he took this huge cow leg-bone (I think that's what it was), puts it on a block of wood and starts swinging an axe at it in the middle of the market! It's kind of crazy.

Alright, that's all for now.

growing pains

So, here we are in our 3rd week of DTS already. It's going by actually kind of fast. Of course when I'm sitting in lecture for hours it doesn't always seem like that, but now in retrospect it does. I really like it a lot, and I know that I am learning and attempting to grow from what I've learned.

John 15:1-2 "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

I know that God is pruning me with a purpose in mind. Although, I don't really know what that purpose it is. And I know that the pruning is good for my heart. Although it doesn't feel very good. But I do want to change and I do want to become more fruitful for HIM!

SO yeah! Other news: The team from the States is here (Steven, Diane, Sue, Melissa, Peggy and Tony & Samuel), and it's been great seeing them. I was able to spend most of the weekend with them, and it was really awesome. I probably won't see them a whole lot this week, because of the lecture content (it's more in depth and like heart cleaning than most of the others...so I'll probably be spending more time focusing on that) but hopefully this weekend I will be able to spend time with them, and they are coming to my DTS in one week! So, it's ochen klassna!

Okay, nachwamdeese.

THE FIRST GEORGIAN DTS CLASS EVER!
[L-R: Diana, Keti, me , Ira, Nino. In back: Wes. In Front: Zura.]

how things go

So, today is the end of the first week of DTS (well, it's only Friday...but we don't have classes on Saturday or Sunday). It went well, and I know that it will get better. This week was mainly like lectures about the hows and whys of what we do, and lots of "guidelines" and stuff, although there was some good teaching. But starting on Monday, we're going to actually talk about like real stuff and that will be good.

I have 2 roommates, Deanna (23) and Ira (21), I'll put pictures of us later. They're both Georgian. Diana speaks quite a bit of English, but she just hasn't had any time to practice...so it's good for her to be in a room with me! By the time DTS is over, she will be like totally fluent you know! And Ira speaks a little bit of English, but with the 3 of us, we communicate alright. But, I really do like them both a lot! At first I was a little worried, because they are the 2 girls that I knew the least, but God knows what He is doing...:)

The school is being done in English and Russian (because Keti translates into Russian better than into Georgian). But people still speak Georgian to each other sometimes, and when I go out I hear mostly Georgian. But it's starting to be a little confusing...I can usually tell if they're speaking Georgian or Russian, but I'm finding that I'm starting to speak "Russgian". Not that I'm like really speaking a whole lot...but, still. But it's good though. Hopefully by the end of the school I'll know something more.

As far as DTS dts goes, I struggle a bit with a few things (like community living for example: we have 1 hour of required quiet time a day, but there is so much going on, some people aren't doing their's and there aren't a whole lot of places to go and be undistracted...but I'm learning). But for the most part I really like it. We have intercession and it's an awesome time to pray and to learn more about prayer, and we have work duties and it's been amazing to see how willing people are to help. Like even if they've done their work duty for the day already, they will still help you. There's a lot of humilty (well, I guess we'll see at the end of the school if it really is humility you know. Like, if by the 12th week people are still helping, it will really be true humility). And I've just been able to see God more and I know that He is drawing me closer to Him and I LOVE IT. Really, it's amazing. And also this group of people is just great. We're all so different and have such different giftings and everything, but at the same time we (for the most part) get along really well. We laugh a lot, and I love that too!

And another thing that I Really like about DTS is Fridays (or it could be Saturday or Sunday) we have a time for doing some outreach (that will be sort of like what we will do during the outreach phase) and today we went down to the School of Tomorrow (it's a Christian English school for Georgians) and just worked on the place. Nino and I painted a fence. And while it wasn't necessarily the most fun I've ever had in my entire life, I like that we're learning how to serve. We will do different things each week, and I know we will all learn a lot.

So yeah, there are some hard times but I really do like DTS, and I really do like the people and I really do like this country. I guess I'll write more as more happens. Eta ochen harasho.

it's strange you know

It's strange, you know: It seems like this is happening more and more. This meaning, situations where I'm trying to be flexible. But even though I'm trying to be flexible, there always seems to be one thing that I really don't want to happen, for various reasons. So, in a way I try to just imagine it all working out okay, but subconciously it's like I know that the outcome is going to be exactly what I didn't want to happen. And that's what happens.

For example, when I was flying to Georgia, I REALLY didn't want my luggage to get lost (no one really does). But I REALLY didn't want my luggage to be lost, but I sort of felt like it was going to, and it was. And just stuff like that. I think it's like God sees that the situation will build my character and not kill me, so he allows it to happen. And maybe I just see that it could be a big character building experience too, even though I really don't want it to happen, but I also see what God has been doing in my life lately, and so I sort of know that it's probably going to work out that way. I wonder if this makes any sense at all.

Well, time has really gone by quickly. Tomorrow night we are having our official "welcome to DTS dinner" and then the school starts on Monday. It's totally crazy. And we have been really busy too, just getting stuff ready (like the building, and all the little details). I'm just a student, but it's been good to see all that goes into running one of these before I actually go through it, I'll definetely have more compassion when things don't go exactly as planned!

But today was a good break from all the work. We went swimming with somepeople from church...it was really klassna! : )

Okay, I guess that's all for now!

short

well, Ukraine was great. i already sent out an email about it, so i won't write more.

like 2 days ago, the staff for DTS came. their names are andrew and caitlin. they're young, and recently married, but very cool. it's still kind of a little awkward you know, because they're adjusting, and now i'm adjusting to having them live in vazi too (it's good like preparation for DTS).

i can't write a whole lot because i'm about to leave to go to church for worship practice, but i wanted to write something.

sio.

like totally

SO here is an outline of what has been / is happening:

+ I leave for Ukraine on Wednesday (the 16th), and I'm actually really excited. I get to hang out with Keti in Kiev (she lived there for 13 years) and go to a YWAM conference, and get another stamp in my passport, which is really rather thrilling.

+ I continue to become more adjusted to life here in Tbilisi, and also life basically living alone. My most recent accomplishments include: riding the marshutka alone, buying ground meat from the market, and cooking a decently healthy and fairly tasty dinner.

+ DTS starts on *EDIT: SEPTEMBER 4th! (I had written the wrong date before)*, and now we have an estimated total of 6 students. It sounds small I know, but it's more than I was expecting! And I think that we will potentially get more (and hopefully we will). We definitely want the students, even I do, although I know that it will be a stretch for me to have that many people in this not too large (but beautiful and wonderful) place. Oh, and here are some pictures of my room. When DTS starts we'll probably have 2 or 3 + girls in here.

+ As far as serving goes, I've been helping with praise & worship at the International Fellowship, and last Sunday I was the worship leader. It's not too big of a church, especially during this time of year because I guess a lot of families go back to the States or go on trips elsewhere and stuff. But it's a good place, and I'm blessed to be able to go to a service in English and also to be around other Americans! I love the Georgians, but it is nice to be able to spend time with some Americans too, especially missionaries!

just so you know

for those of you who are comment-leavers, i enabled this "word verification" thing...but don't be afraid. just type the letters in the box and you'll be fine. i was getting comment spam and so i wanted to stop it.

but can you believe it? they (whoever "they" is) seem to find you no matter where you are.

what shall i call it

blogging is such a strange thing. you really want people to read what you're writing so that you know it's not totally in vain. but at the same time, once you are aware that people are reading what you are writing, it's like you can't really write what you really want anyway. really, it's like you're writing about your life, but subconciously hoping that it will please your readers, that it will sound exciting, or maybe intellectual. it really is bizzare.

i miss home. not to sound wimpy, or un-missionary material...but i really do. i miss my people and my car and driving and milk cartons with lids. i think part of my longing for home comes from my not-quite-so-busy schedule. like, i guess i feel like right now i don't really have a purpose. i mean, yeah i'm doing stuff. i help out with worship at the fellowship (the english speaking church). and right now i'm helping out the campus crusade missionaries here: keti and i are "house-sitting" while they are in ukraine with their family for some conferences. but i just feel like i'm missing something. like i wish i could do more. oh and especially i miss the kids i used to watch at mid-week childcare.

oh, and this might be slightly random, but...i've been getting these like dizzy spells the past day or so and it's so strange. i thought that it might be linked to not drinking enough water, but i feel at least decently hydrated. so that, for the the readers that i am subconciously aware of, is sort of a prayer request of sorts.

and speaking of prayer requests. i am almost positively sure that i'm not the only one who really fails in this area, but it's so like disheartening to see in my own character. you know, i tell people that i will pray for them, and i really am good intentioned when i say it, and probably even excited about the opportunity to pray for them. but it seems that more often then not, i somehow don't get around to it until it's too late. and then i totally let them down, whether they knew it or not. i'm glad that God knows us so well that we don't have to "fill Him in" on anything or remind Him to take care of things. because i'm sure that things probably wouldn't get taken care of as well as they do now.

on the brighter side of things (not that all that i've written so far is necessarily dark, but i guess i feel sort of slightly like pessimistic. which by the way was not my intention. i'm just writing about life, man.) i think that i want to be an english major. i don't know for sure, but i really want to go back to school and get my degree. i guess i think that it would be really interesting to actually know my own language. it's a little awkward when a non-native english speaker asks you about a certain verb in the present perfect tense, and you don't have an answer to give them. but, ya nasnyeoh ("i don't know", in russian)-- it's not a set plan or anything. i guess we will see what God does with it.

character building 101

Let's see.

There are a lot of really seriously creepy bugs here. SERIOUSLY creepy.

Yesterday I was walking across this area of gravel on my way to the store when I saw this HUMONGOUS spider. Now, I know that I can tend to exaggerate sometimes, but I'm not kidding...it was really huge. I thank the Lord though, that it was on it's back and it couldn't flip itself over. But, it was so gross. I ended up getting a piece of cardboard that was laying on the ground, putting it on top of it and stomping on it (I was slightly worried that it would like somehow flip itself over and come invade my home).

AND THEN, today I was vacumming my room near where my curtains are (they're long, like to the ground) and all of a sudden this centipede/millipede/orthropodish type thing came out of nowhere. I don't even know if orthropod is the right term, but still. It wasn't super huge, but really creepy looking. I vacuumed it up (or so I thought) and was relieved. But then tonight I was sitting on my couch reading my Bible and I saw it run across the floor! So, I used some massive strategic techniques and killed it.

I just don't know what it is. Maybe it's just a time of massive character building. I mean, really.

and secondly...

i had a lot to say, so i decided to post two times as to keep more of
your attention!

the next topic(s).

i am going to kiev, ukraine on the 16th of august to go to this ywam
conference thing. i'm excited to go to kiev, and it also helps me out
with my visa here in georgia. when you fly in you get a stamp that is
good for 3 months, and then after that you have to like renew it, but
for some reason i am not able to right now. but when i come back from
ukraine, i get a new stamp...so i get another 3 months.

don't worry though, i won't be kicked out. it's just some minor issue
that will be resolved soon enough. hey hey.

and what else...oh yes. i really am feeling more at home here in
tbilisi. i am able to actually go places on my own. not everywhere
of course, but i'm learning to get around. really though, if you are
just very friendly and you try to say a few georgian words, people
really like you and will do a lot to help you. it's very good. : )

well, i guess this is shorter than i planned, but that is okay.

and lastly, a few pictures (finally).

this is some of the people from the project in downtown tbilisi (rustaveli area) a day after the project ended.

this is some of the countryside near where we stayed. one day we went for a walk (like 3 km there and back!) and we stopped near this river and made a fire and cooked shashlik ( i didn't do the cooking). and we had to cross this log bridge thing to get to where we had our picnic. it was pretty exciting.

this is my ukranian friend ira and i during the project. she was was funny and way awesome. we had a lot of fun.

amazing

well, where to start!

the project (as the campus crusade people call it) was really amazing.
there was a team of 6 people from ukraine who sort of helped run it,
the watson family (the campus crusade people for Georgia), and quite a
few Georgians who were mostly orthodox.

the first day I was really sort of scared. mostly because i just
found out that they were almost all orthodox and were not used to the
whole singing thing. and then the rest of the scaredness is just the
insecurity that comes along with not knowing what people are talking
about unless it is translated for you. yes, they almost all (except
one) spoke english at least okay, but it's not their most comfortable
language, so they don't use it unless they have to! but it went so
well though. they LOVED to sing, and their favorite song was, "we
wanna see".

the lyrics:
WE WANNA SEE JESUS LIFTED HIGH
A BANNER THAT FLIES ACROSS THIS LAND
THAT ALL MEN MIGHT SEE THE TRUTH AND KNOW
THAT HE IS THE WAY TO HEAVEN

WE WANNA SEE
WE WANNA SEE
WE WANNA SEE JESUS LIFTED HIGH

STEP BY STEP WE'RE MOVING FORWARD
LITTLE BY LITTLE WE'RE TAKING GROUND
EVERY PRAYER A POWERFUL WEAPON
STRONGHOLDS START TUMBLING DOWN

so that was pretty amazing. and I can't even begin to tell you the
rest. the ukranian team was so wonderful. and i really made a few
good friends that i pray will last for the rest of my life. and the
changes that we saw in the hearts of the Georgians were really
miraculous.

for example, there was this one girl who really didn't think that
there was a connection between orthodox and protestantism. she of
course thought that orthodox was right and we were not really, or at
least we had a lot of things wrong. but the last night we were all
sharing what we learned and what our favorite part of the project was
and stuff, and this girl stood up and told us that she really learned
a lot. that she now sees that there is only one God between orthodox
and protestantism and He is the same for both of us. and many girls
said that they really had the desire to read the Bible now. of course
they still have a lot to learn (don't we all) but i was really amazed
to see how much ground was taken in such a short period of time!

so, that's all to say that the project was so blessed by God and He
was so there. i totally have more stories and such, and i'm sure they
will come out some time or another!

finally!

Well, lets see. I remember thinking about something I really wanted
to say, but now I can't remember. But, I guess that's alright.

I did want to announce my first official like ministry thing! There
is a family that works with Campus Crusade for Christ here in Georgia,
and they are doing a "summer project" (it's like a retreat). And they
asked me to lead worship for them! The camp will be done in English
but there will be students from Ukraine and Georgia and one from
Turkey there. I'm really excited to serve and I'm excited to learn
from it all, but I am a little nervous. But, I'm sure it will go
great! So, I will be gone for 6 days, just so you all know.

Oh! In just like 2 or 3 days, I will have been in Georgia for 1
month. I know it's not really that much, but it seems like a lot for
how quickly it's gone by, you know? I hardly feel like I've been here
two weeks, much less a month. But I'm sure that it hasn't always felt
like it was going by quickly, but I'm glad it feels like that now. If
that makes sense.

Okay, I guess I'll be back in like a week or so.

a little bit

Hello there. I was briefly really excited because I though I was going to have the ablilty to post pictures by using the email thing...but I’m not able to. Oh well I guess!

So, Batumi was good. I swam in the Black Sea, and no it wasn’t very black. But I guess they have these special black dolphins that come around, so maybe that’s why it’s called that. We also drove to the Turkish border and a few people prayed for Turkey. It was interesting seeing it in the light because the last time I was there it was like midnight, or some ridiculous hour.

But I think the best part of Batumi was the fact that we got to bring Keti back to Tbilisi with us. Since she returned, I was able to move into Vazi and start to get acquainted with the Nutzubidze Plateau area. I really like it here. At least until DTS starts, I have my own room and it’s so lovely! I wish I could show you all what it looks like. Maybe soon, maybe soon.

Yesterday I was reading in my room, and for the first time, or maybe the second, I really remembered how much I love Georgia. I guess I’ve been so distracted and bewildered to remember that fact. Of course, I really do miss Washington and all that I have there, but it was just so exciting to think that I’m here in some random country half-way across the world from the place I took my first breath. (I’m only halfway trying to sound poetic).

But there really is so much to love. Like the Metro for example. I’m sure most Georgians don’t really care for it. It smells all musty and can be very crowded...but for this American, it’s like amazing. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the forever-long escalators and the gush of wind that comes as you go down them. I guess that’s my Ode to the Metro or something.

Tomorrow Keti is going to start giving me Georgian lessons. She already has a little bit. “Meh minda ertitsali puri.” That means, “I want a piece of bread.” I guess that could be useful if I ever got lost.

We spent most of the afternoon on Rustaveli (it’s kind of like the main street). I feel like we walked a million miles, but it probably wasn’t that much. We went into this really old orthodox church (just to sort of sight-see I guess) and I found out that the building was 1600 years old. Do you realize that that is older than America? Crazy, I know. Also today I bought a little gypsy girl an ice-cream cone (which is extremely inexpensive by the way, just a little more than a quarter). I’m sure it was her 4th or 5th for the day, but I just couldn’t say no. It was food and I knew she’d eat it. Gypsies...that’s a whole nother topic that I will maybe try to write about later.

I could write more, but I’ll wait until later. <3

nice

Well, it worked!  So, I guess I'll just do this for now.

 

Yesterday I went to Pastor Zaal's church.  It was interesting, but I didn't understand hardly anything they said.   I think the words I did understand were, dzalian which means "very", mich war har which means "I love you" and just things like shen which is like "you" or something like that.   But, even the fact that I could pick out those words is fairly exciting I must say.  Not necessarily miraculous, but exciting.

 

The other day I went to the store to get some food for Korinne and on the way home I stopped at one of the little bread shops where they make the traditional (at least I think it's traditional) Georgian bread.   The word for one is "erti" and so, I was like, "uhh...er..erti" and the guy was so nice!  He was like, "pooree, erti pooree" (which means one bread or something).   Anyway, the moral of that story was I guess just to tell you, but also to say that I really like the Georgians who try to help you learn the language and who are just plain nice.

 

Yesterday also, I helped lead worship with Dennis at the "Tbilisi International Fellowship".   It's basically like a church full of foreign missionaries, although there are a few Georgians that come.  I like it.  And the room we meet in has air conditioners, which is FANTASTIC.

 

We're (the Holts and I and one other DTS student) leaving to go to Batumi (a town on the Black Sea) tomorrow.  It should be fun.  It's sort of like a vacation thing I guess, but we are planning on meeting with some church leaders or something, to advertise the DTS.  We'll be gone until Friday.  Hopefully I'll be able to figure out how to post pictures on here, but by using email like I am right now.

 

Well, I'd better go eat breakfast.  The oatmeal is calling me name.

georgia

Well, since I can't post using the actual website, I am trying this new email post thing.  So, I hope it works so that all of my work (typing) here is not in vain!

 

I'm sure most of you know, but I got here okay.  The airlines lost my luggage and I was without it for a litte more than 3 days.  But, I did get it back and everything was intact which was good.  Except the little bridge thing on my guitar, I don't really know what it's called--but there's this plastic part that goes under your strings, and it broke at the B string.  But, it still plays alright.

 

Umm, what else.  I've been to a few places.  Went to Gori just for a short time, but it was still interesting.  A week ago we went to Tbilisi Sea and went swimming (although it's a reservoir and not a sea, they still call it that).  Went out to dinner, walked on the Rustaveli.  I've been having a pretty good time just getting to know Tbilisi better and getting to know the Holts better.

 

But, emotionally I've been kind of up and down.  There will be days that I wake up and think, "yes, I can do this!  I can be a missionary, and I WANT to serve God!"  But then there are also days when I wake up and think, "oh, I wish I was back in America!  I don't think I could ever be a missionary!"  As frustrating (and exhausting) as it is, I think it's just part of adjusting to the culture, you know.

 

A friend emailed me just today and I was greatly encouraged! He reminded me that God CALLED me.  And that says so much!  It says that even if I don't think I can do it, God knows I can.  He brought me here and He knows my abilities and my weaknesses.  So, that was really good to hear.

 

The Holts found an apartment that is close to Vazi (the place where the DTS will be run for now, and the place I will be staying, hopefully sometime soon).  So, next week we will  be moving there and I am hoping to move into Vazi.

 

Another one of the DTS students came early, and we just met her today.  She actually is Georgian and she grew up here her entire life, but she moved to the states like 3 years ago, or something like that.  So, she decided to come back and she will be attending DTS.  She's really amazing, her testimony is just like...woah.  But, so intriguing. 

 

Anyway, I guess I'll quit for now.  I don't want to write like a million and a half words, and then have this not work!

 

Okay, that is all for now.  <3

--
"So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy."  Romans 9:16

pre-trip commentary #12

I'm so tired of buying stuff. I mean, I need to...but I just am tired of it.

Also, I am pretty sure that I've worn this pair of jeans for like 4 or 5 days straight because all of my others are packed. I guess I'm like pretty much Georgian now.

I met some Russian people today. One in Walmart-I told her I was going to Georgia and she goes "for a mission?" and of course I said yes. And then a family in Macy's- I told them I was going to Georgia and they said "for a mission?" and of course I said yes (again). It's so weird. People usually don't guess that right away, but they did this time.

Hmm.

pre-trip commentary #11

I don't know if you've noticed, but I seem to post more frequently as it gets closer to Tuesday. I'd say it's because I'm more eager, but I honestly think it's because I have more to procrastinate in doing (like, pack up my life for the past 2 years).

So, the other day I was thinking about why God made my life go the way He did. I wasn't questioning His authority or His plan (how He worked stuff out) but I just realized that I like never asked Him why my mom had to die, or why nearly all of my family had to die (birth family). And this is what I got.

Lord, I don't know why life has been this way. It's been hard, yes it hurts and I've cried many tears of pain. But Jesus You know, why life has been this way. You see all of my hurts and You heal them and take my shame. So, even though I don't know, I will follow You. I might tremble with fear, but I'll cling to You. You have proven Yourself to be faithful. So Lord I'll take up my cross, and follow You.

Not necessarily the answer I was looking for, but that is okay.

Packing is becoming a little more successful mostly because of the ingenious ideas of my family (the Shreves). I decided a few days ago that I was going to just pay $50 and take an extra bag (I'm taking stuff to some people in Georgia and I want to take books and stuff that I'll probably leave there) just a small duffel bag. But then they suggested that I take a big one. And I was like, "GREAT idea". So, now I'm taking a big one => more room to pack stuff => better use of $50.

I also found out today that my parents aren't going to be able to take me to the airport. I have people that are now, but it's just not the same. I was really looking forward to them coming so that I can say an official goodbye, but now I won't get to. And I'm especially sad because I didn't even get to give my mom a hug when I left last weekend (from visiting them) because she had the flu and was like WAY sick. It's so hard. I've cried a lot. Not just about this, but about leaving like everyone. You know that story in the Bible where Jesus calls the disciples to leave their nets and follow Him and they do? I feel sort of like that, but I'm not necessarily doing the "do" very willingly. I mean, I am in a sense, but I long to be with all of these people in my life like forever.

But at the same time I want to serve God, no matter where He takes me. Whether it's overseas, or in America or wherever.

I can't believe I just said that.

pre-trip commentary #10

armenia?

pre-trip commentary #9

Today I took one of my Indonesian friends, Vemi, to the airport to pick up her parents. It was so like exciting to be there, knowing that I leave so soon. It was also good because I got to see where I'm going to check in (so I like know and stuff) and I was able to ask a few questions that I had. Time is seriously flying by.

I've been like 'practice packing', and today I actually got almost everything in there. It was pretty amazing, but like I said, ALMOST. But, the Pidgeons are going to give me some of those suction bag things, at least I think so. I have some, but as soon as I squeeze the air out of them, it miraculously (or annoyingly) starts to come back into the back. I have like 2 that actually work.

I feel sort of ridiculous. I ordered these shoes that were pretty (like, really) expensive for my trip. They're black and they're supposed to be like really good for your feet. But, I had this idea that they'd be like the perfect shoes and they're so not. I mean, I really like them, but they're the clog-type ones (which is good since I have to take my shoes off everywhere I go in Georgia) but they're kind of slippery (like don't stay on my feet super well) and they feel a little too big, not too much, but just enough that I can tell. I probably could have used a half-size smaller, but they don't/didn't have it. I'm not meaning to complain, but I think it's almost humorous, this situation. I wanted these shoes so bad, and I think subconciously I thought that life just would not keep on going if I didn't get them. And God knew that, so I think He (out of humor probably, and to show me something) helped me to see that they're definetely not perfect. Maybe as a reminder that the things of the world really won't satisfy like we want them too. There will always be something wrong or we'll always want something 'better'. It's sad that I had to spend so much money to learn the lesson (or at least begin to learn), but oh well. I mean, even though they're not perfect at least I have some good shoes. I just pray that God will make them still work and be okay for me!

Anyway, enough about shoes.

pre-trip commentary #8

I spent 4 days home in Ephrata, visiting my parents and shopping for some stuff for my trip. It's so strange to think that I won't be there for 9 months +. I don't know, this was the first time I visited since Christmas, so 6 months. But I always had the opportunity. When I'm in Georgia, I can't just be like "Oh, I think I'm going to go to Ephrata to visit my parents today." You know, it's strange. When I was in high school I seriously wanted nothing more than to get out of the house, to leave to a far-off land, and I didn't care all that much about seeing my parents. But now, I'm like really attached. We don't always get along, there are still some struggles, but I really do love them so much. That's something God has really done in my heart too, develop this real true love for them. I am going to miss my mom and dad a lot.

Another thing that was really weird was leaving today. I said goodbye to my Aunt Tootie (she's actually my mom's aunt, so like my great-aunt, but we still call her aunt. Get it?) and told her that I wouldn't be home for at least 9 months. She said, "I hope I'm still around when you get back" and I didn't think about it, but it really is totally a possibility that she could pass away. She's really old and frail and not in good health. We're not really close or anything, but it just hit me as I was driving away that I don't know if she knows Jesus. I haven't taken the time to sit down and talk to her about it. Part of me is afraid to, just because she's seen me in some of my worst times and I don't know how she'll react, and part of my just doesn't want to make the effort (I know, it's totally ridiculous). But that is all so not okay. I mean, I'm like going around the world to go share Jesus with people in Georgia, but yet there are people in my own family that I haven't shared with. What is that all about? I think I might write her a letter.

So, I am actually getting like uber excited to go. And the fact that I'm excited makes me excited. I've been so bogged down with details and worry that I've almost just not wanted to go, but now I'm like adrenaline pumping ready to go. I know I'll still cry and miss people and stuff, but at least I'm excited now.

I've started packing, sort of. You know, I praise God for this, but I'm really not too worried about things not fitting into my suitcase. I should be totally freaking out, but I just have peace that it will all work out, and I know it will. Which, is also a very exciting thing.

Dude, 8 days.

pre-trip commentary #7

I seriously had the most awesomest birthday today! There were so many people there and so much encouragement and love. I was like way over-stimulated though...there was so much going on! But it was really awesome. I can't believe I'm actually 20 now. Woah.

MY LITTLE NEIGHBOR JOHN AND I AND MY CAKE

The only thing I struggle with a little bit is I feel like I should have been so much more grateful for this day. Like, I should have spent more time with God (alone, not just at church) thanking Him for how He has enabled me to live this long and for the purpose that He has given me. I mean, it really is amazing to think of all the things that are happening and how it's going so smoothly. For example, I have almost all of my money, the church (Canyon Hills) called ME and asked if they could pray for me on Sunday (and they did, in front of church, both services), I was able to buy my plane tickets at a much cheaper price than expected, they got here in the mail smoothly, things are working out with my stuff (for example, the Shreve's are going to use my car while I'm gone, I'm able to leave my things at their house, etc.). It's so unbelievable.

I was talking to Sue about all of this on Friday and I was saying that in a way, I'm almost worried that something really bad is going to happen or something...because things are just going so well! I mean, I have definetely been having my spiritual battles, but I though that there would be a lot more complications. And she told me, "Just praise Him, Jenni." And I was like, OH YEAH. I was so caught up in my unbelief that I forgot to tell Him thank you for His immense blessing.

Like, I am so in denial right now. I can hardly believe that I leave in 16 days. And I really don't think it will hit me until I'm actually on the plane. I just have such a hard time grasping the concept that God chose me. I mean, I most definetely did not propel myself into this opportunity by anything I've done. It's only by God's mercy. I just really don't want to fail Him.

PSALM 97
"The Lord reigns, let the earth be rejoice; let the many coastlands be glad! Clouds and thick darkness are all around him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne. Fire goes before him and burns up his adversaries all around. His lightnings light up the world; the earth sees and trembles. The mountains melt like wax before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth. The heavens proclaim his righteousness, and all the peoples see his glory. All worshippers of images are put to shame, who make their boast in worthless idols; worship him, all you gods! Zion hears and is glad, and the daughters of Judah rejoice, because of your judgements, O Lord. For you, O Lord, are most high over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods. O you who love the Lord, hate evil! He preserves the lives of his saints; he delivers them from the hand of the wicked. Light is sown for the righteous, and joy for the upright in heart. Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to his holy name!"

pre-trip commentary #6

This morning I totally remembered something that happened when we were in Georgia (in April 2005) that I had forgotten about. It was pretty funny:

So, we were in Kutaisi at Pastor Zaal's parents house. We had just done an outdoors "concert" and like a ton of the neighbor kids came and were all excited because there were Americans (us) there and everything. Anyway, I had met Pastor Zaal's niece, Lika. She was like 13 or something, but she totally knew English. So, I was asking her how to write stuff in Georgian and we bonded and all. Well, later I had to use the restroom. *NOTE: this was before I had ever encountered a "squatty".* So, she took me to the back of the house where there's this little outhouse sort of thing, but it was much cleaner than a real outhouse, and she was asking her dad (I'm pretty sure it was her dad) for the lantern or something to go out there (it was night and yes they had electricity in the house, just not in the bathroom area I guess). So, we got it and she opened the door and I gasped. I'm sure it's not exactly what I said, but I think I told her that I couldn't use that kind of toliet and explained that in America we don't really have those so I was unfamiliar with it and everything. But then she had to like tell her dad something because she had just asked him for the lantern because I needed to use the restroom, but now I was like "not needing" to use it. So, I was like "Just tell him that I just need to wash my hands." So she did and I washed my hands and my bladder was still full, but I didn't really care. It was so ridiculous. And even though she didn't say anything, I know she thought I was ridiculous too. You know, kind of like dorky-American-in-a-foreign-country-ridiculous.

I did conquer the "squatty" however, later in the trip. And sorry for all the scatological conversation...but it was like a huge deal to me when we were there. Huge deal meaning I was like freaking out.

21 days and counting. Oh geeze.

pre-trip commentary #5

Romans 7:15, 18, 19, 21-25 & 8:1-2

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do NOT want to do--this I keep on doing...So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. THEREFORE, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

________________________________

I really am having a hard time. *I'm scared to go--I think mostly because I'm afraid I won't really know anyone anymore when I get back. Like, I won't have their love or something. *I'm so incredibly distracted by the world--I don't want to be, I know it's not good for me...but I just cannot seem to beat it. I pray, I repent, I try my best to break the distraction...but it's still there. I don't want to just be complaining though, but I am really struggling. *I don't know what's going to happen there--I think a lot of my anxiety about actually being there is coming from the fact that I haven't been conversing via email with the Holts (my DTS leaders) much lately. They've been really busy with stuff, but because I am not constantly talking to them I feel like more anxious or something.

Like, I totally want to go. I totally want to serve God, even if I don't feel like I do right now--I know that deep down I really do ("For in my inner being I delight in God's law..."). I really believe that God is trying to teach me to trust Him, but I am being so unteachable right now. He will get His point across one way or another, I just wish that I wasn't so defiant (I guess that's the best way to put it).

pre-trip commentary #4

So, I am totally amazed.

I sent out my support letters around like April 7th-ish, and in one month God has brought me over $3000. AND TODAY, I got a phone call from an old friend (like a grownup friend) who said she just sold her house, so she's sending me $1000 next week. WHICH MEANS--I basically only need to raise about $700-$900 more in order to reach my desired goal (which is $5000).

Sorry for all the numbers, but I'm just trying to show you how completely amazing it is. COMPLETELY AMAZING.

But I really want to have a pure and grateful heart about this. Pure meaning I am not just looking for money, but that I'm looking for a means to go and serve Christ with my whole heart. Grateful meaning that every check that I receive, or that is given in my name, knocks me to my knees with praise and thanks to God, who is the cause of all of this: the money, the situation--coming my way.

So, I am absolutely amazed.

"Praise be to the LORD GOD, the GOD of Israel, who alone does marvelous deeds. Praise be to HIS glorious name forever; may the whole earth be filled with HIS glory. Amen and Amen." Psalm 72:18-19

pre-trip commentary #3

Things have been going fairly well. God has been really working on my heart, but in a very discreet way. Meaning like, I'm just seeing how things have changed over a period of time. For example, when I first realized I was going to Georgia (yes, realized) I felt like, "oh I need to buy this" or "oh I want to have this" and so on, but now, it's not so much like that. I mean, there are things that I will need and that I want, but rather than really wanting them (ridiculously much, almost) I'm kind of like, "whateverla"!

It's just really refreshing not being so overly concerned with details so small and rather insignificant.

pre-trip commentary #2

On Wednesday nights, me and a few girls meet and have sort of an accountability group. But recently we decided to start reading a book together, so we chose, "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. I've only read the first chapter, but so far I really like it! In the book, there is a story about 2 monks that I especially liked, so I'm going to share it:

"I need oil," said an ancient monk, so he planted an olive sapling. "Lord," he prayed, "it needs rain that its tender roots may drink and swell. Send gentle showers." And the Lord sent gentle showers. "Lord," prayed the monk, "my tree needs sun. Send sun, I pray thee." And the sun shone, gilding the dripping clouds. "Now frost, my Lord, to brace its tissues," cried the monk. And behold, the little tree stood sparkling with frost but at evening it died. Then the monk sought the cell of a brother monk, and told his strange experience. "I, too, planted a little tree," he said, "and see! It thrives well. But I entrust my tree to its God. He who made it knows better what it needs than a man like me. I laid no condition. I fixed not ways or means. 'Lord, send what it needs,' I prayed, 'storm or sunshine, wind, rain, or frost. Thou hast made it and Thou dost know.' "

I would totally write my little commentary on that, but I think the story really speaks for itself. It leaves a lot to think about, and I really like that!

So, some good news: my plane ticket is bought and paid for (for the most part--just waiting for the bank to officially clear the purchase on my debit card). Who would have though? I mean, seriously.

And a little more good news! I've finally realized that I need to live for today. I mean, I've known that for a long time, but in light of this trip and DTS and everything, I've been SUPER focused on the future. It's like I've been forgetting that each day when I wake up, God has a specific purpose for me. Knowing that I have the opportunity each day to please my Savior, gives me much hope! I only have 53 days left here, I need to remember that.

*"Never dwell on tomorrow--remember that [tomorrow] is God's, not our's."
(a line from "Daily Strength For Daily Needs" but actually a line from "Calm My Anxious Heart"!)

pre-trip commentary #1

So, I leave in like 55 days. Woah. I wish I had a lot of pre-trip things to write here, but I don't really! I think it's because I think about it all so much that I just can't put it into words...if that makes sense. I guess I can write a little bit.

God just keeps proving to me over and over and over again that He wants me to go on this. At least I think that's what it is all about. I mean, for example:

Yesterday morning, I was praying. And I really wanted to ask God if I could just maybe please get a support letter back (financial support!) that day. Just for confirmation and encouragement and such, because I hadn't gotten one for a few days. But, then I felt like that's just not something that I can ask God. "Oh please send me money." But then, He brought the verse from Matthew to mind which says, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." (7:7-8) After I thought about that, I just had a peace with asking. A peace that it would be okay, and that I can ask something like that. Especially since it wasn't out of greed or anything, it was just more for confirmation and encouragement, like I said. So anyway, the day goes by and mail-time comes. I got a check, and it was for $300! It just blew me away that God knew a few days ago that I would ask that question, and so He prompted a certain person at a certain time so that my "request" (I guess that's what you'd call it) could be fulfilled. God is so good, and such an amazing planner.

There still are some struggles too, but at the same time I think I'm really learning what it means to really trust Him. I just hope that it is information that I retain!