Romans 7:15, 18, 19, 21-25 & 8:1-2
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do NOT want to do--this I keep on doing...So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. THEREFORE, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do NOT want to do--this I keep on doing...So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. THEREFORE, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."
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I really am having a hard time. *I'm scared to go--I think mostly because I'm afraid I won't really know anyone anymore when I get back. Like, I won't have their love or something. *I'm so incredibly distracted by the world--I don't want to be, I know it's not good for me...but I just cannot seem to beat it. I pray, I repent, I try my best to break the distraction...but it's still there. I don't want to just be complaining though, but I am really struggling. *I don't know what's going to happen there--I think a lot of my anxiety about actually being there is coming from the fact that I haven't been conversing via email with the Holts (my DTS leaders) much lately. They've been really busy with stuff, but because I am not constantly talking to them I feel like more anxious or something.
Like, I totally want to go. I totally want to serve God, even if I don't feel like I do right now--I know that deep down I really do ("For in my inner being I delight in God's law..."). I really believe that God is trying to teach me to trust Him, but I am being so unteachable right now. He will get His point across one way or another, I just wish that I wasn't so defiant (I guess that's the best way to put it).
Like, I totally want to go. I totally want to serve God, even if I don't feel like I do right now--I know that deep down I really do ("For in my inner being I delight in God's law..."). I really believe that God is trying to teach me to trust Him, but I am being so unteachable right now. He will get His point across one way or another, I just wish that I wasn't so defiant (I guess that's the best way to put it).
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