I don't know if you've noticed, but I seem to post more frequently as it gets closer to Tuesday. I'd say it's because I'm more eager, but I honestly think it's because I have more to procrastinate in doing (like, pack up my life for the past 2 years).
So, the other day I was thinking about why God made my life go the way He did. I wasn't questioning His authority or His plan (how He worked stuff out) but I just realized that I like never asked Him why my mom had to die, or why nearly all of my family had to die (birth family). And this is what I got.
So, the other day I was thinking about why God made my life go the way He did. I wasn't questioning His authority or His plan (how He worked stuff out) but I just realized that I like never asked Him why my mom had to die, or why nearly all of my family had to die (birth family). And this is what I got.
Lord, I don't know why life has been this way. It's been hard, yes it hurts and I've cried many tears of pain. But Jesus You know, why life has been this way. You see all of my hurts and You heal them and take my shame. So, even though I don't know, I will follow You. I might tremble with fear, but I'll cling to You. You have proven Yourself to be faithful. So Lord I'll take up my cross, and follow You.
Not necessarily the answer I was looking for, but that is okay.
Packing is becoming a little more successful mostly because of the ingenious ideas of my family (the Shreves). I decided a few days ago that I was going to just pay $50 and take an extra bag (I'm taking stuff to some people in Georgia and I want to take books and stuff that I'll probably leave there) just a small duffel bag. But then they suggested that I take a big one. And I was like, "GREAT idea". So, now I'm taking a big one => more room to pack stuff => better use of $50.
I also found out today that my parents aren't going to be able to take me to the airport. I have people that are now, but it's just not the same. I was really looking forward to them coming so that I can say an official goodbye, but now I won't get to. And I'm especially sad because I didn't even get to give my mom a hug when I left last weekend (from visiting them) because she had the flu and was like WAY sick. It's so hard. I've cried a lot. Not just about this, but about leaving like everyone. You know that story in the Bible where Jesus calls the disciples to leave their nets and follow Him and they do? I feel sort of like that, but I'm not necessarily doing the "do" very willingly. I mean, I am in a sense, but I long to be with all of these people in my life like forever.
But at the same time I want to serve God, no matter where He takes me. Whether it's overseas, or in America or wherever.
I can't believe I just said that.
Packing is becoming a little more successful mostly because of the ingenious ideas of my family (the Shreves). I decided a few days ago that I was going to just pay $50 and take an extra bag (I'm taking stuff to some people in Georgia and I want to take books and stuff that I'll probably leave there) just a small duffel bag. But then they suggested that I take a big one. And I was like, "GREAT idea". So, now I'm taking a big one => more room to pack stuff => better use of $50.
I also found out today that my parents aren't going to be able to take me to the airport. I have people that are now, but it's just not the same. I was really looking forward to them coming so that I can say an official goodbye, but now I won't get to. And I'm especially sad because I didn't even get to give my mom a hug when I left last weekend (from visiting them) because she had the flu and was like WAY sick. It's so hard. I've cried a lot. Not just about this, but about leaving like everyone. You know that story in the Bible where Jesus calls the disciples to leave their nets and follow Him and they do? I feel sort of like that, but I'm not necessarily doing the "do" very willingly. I mean, I am in a sense, but I long to be with all of these people in my life like forever.
But at the same time I want to serve God, no matter where He takes me. Whether it's overseas, or in America or wherever.
I can't believe I just said that.
1 comment:
Hey Jen! thanks for your email and your awesome commitment to "Go!" God will bless you. Who knows, maybe some day I will join you! :) I LOVE YOU HUGE!!!! You are beautiful inside and out! Just remember Niiiiiine!!!! Love ya! Barb
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