pre-trip commentary #7

I seriously had the most awesomest birthday today! There were so many people there and so much encouragement and love. I was like way over-stimulated though...there was so much going on! But it was really awesome. I can't believe I'm actually 20 now. Woah.

MY LITTLE NEIGHBOR JOHN AND I AND MY CAKE

The only thing I struggle with a little bit is I feel like I should have been so much more grateful for this day. Like, I should have spent more time with God (alone, not just at church) thanking Him for how He has enabled me to live this long and for the purpose that He has given me. I mean, it really is amazing to think of all the things that are happening and how it's going so smoothly. For example, I have almost all of my money, the church (Canyon Hills) called ME and asked if they could pray for me on Sunday (and they did, in front of church, both services), I was able to buy my plane tickets at a much cheaper price than expected, they got here in the mail smoothly, things are working out with my stuff (for example, the Shreve's are going to use my car while I'm gone, I'm able to leave my things at their house, etc.). It's so unbelievable.

I was talking to Sue about all of this on Friday and I was saying that in a way, I'm almost worried that something really bad is going to happen or something...because things are just going so well! I mean, I have definetely been having my spiritual battles, but I though that there would be a lot more complications. And she told me, "Just praise Him, Jenni." And I was like, OH YEAH. I was so caught up in my unbelief that I forgot to tell Him thank you for His immense blessing.

Like, I am so in denial right now. I can hardly believe that I leave in 16 days. And I really don't think it will hit me until I'm actually on the plane. I just have such a hard time grasping the concept that God chose me. I mean, I most definetely did not propel myself into this opportunity by anything I've done. It's only by God's mercy. I just really don't want to fail Him.

PSALM 97
"The Lord reigns, let the earth be rejoice; let the many coastlands be glad! Clouds and thick darkness are all around him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne. Fire goes before him and burns up his adversaries all around. His lightnings light up the world; the earth sees and trembles. The mountains melt like wax before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth. The heavens proclaim his righteousness, and all the peoples see his glory. All worshippers of images are put to shame, who make their boast in worthless idols; worship him, all you gods! Zion hears and is glad, and the daughters of Judah rejoice, because of your judgements, O Lord. For you, O Lord, are most high over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods. O you who love the Lord, hate evil! He preserves the lives of his saints; he delivers them from the hand of the wicked. Light is sown for the righteous, and joy for the upright in heart. Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to his holy name!"