the good, the bad...and the nephew

I just spent the last 5 days in Ephrata.. it was good and bad.

GOOD because:

I got to see my parents after like 10 months of not seeing them! And they re-did my room and I really like it, it's really pretty! I saw lots of people that I've missed. I got a haircut and stuff.

BAD because:

It's really hard to be in a foreign country, have so much of your life and your heart transformed, and then come back to the place where you grew up. It's a crazy thing, I really do not know how to explain it. And also just the way that I deal with culture shock. It's like I can go into all of the places, like Walmart and see everything and be "okay". But then I'll be getting ready to go to bed and I will feel like my world is going to implode or I'm just going to die or something. It's kind of rough.

But God is SUPER true to His word, when He says that He will answer us when we cry out to Him. It's true, really.

My nephew, Trevor. He's grown SO much since the last time I saw him.

write, dance, fear... PURE

This morning I woke up with this huge desire to write a new post in this blog of mine, but now I can't remember why. I must have had something good I wanted to say, so maybe I will just write and eventually it will come out.

So I've been home for 3 days. But it sort of feels like longer. Not in a bad way though, I'm actually having a really great time! I've seen quite a few of my friends and we've really had a lot of fun. The other night we sort of had a dance party. Yeah, we did all the really hip songs like, "Pharaoh, Pharaoh" and "I'm Trading My Sorrows". Pretty exciting. And last night some friends were over and we had a really great time playing games and throwing a football and everything. I'm really loving it so far.

But, one of my secret fears is that I'm going to hit a wall. Meaning, that I'm going to be having a great time, yay!...and then BAM. I'm like depressed. Or something bad is going to happen, and everything is going to be not so great. And I really don't want that to happen. And I ESPECIALLY don't want to be worried that it's going to happen, because I know that it will distract me from living here and now.

Just now I was thinking: something that is so beautiful is purity. Whether it's purity in a lake, or in someones skin, or in a food, or in love. And I really like it. It's like gentle and refreshing and calming and exciting at the same time. And I really want to have purity in my love in all of my relationships. And not just me, I want everybody to have purity in their love in all of their relationships. It would change the world. It would change my heart. It would change yours.

And you know, God is wholly PURE. It makes me want to like fly or dance or something. And it's so cool how we can see these little things about His character, even if it's for like only a second that we have a great understanding and then it's gone. It's like a phenomenon or something.

buddies

home

I am home. Well, to one home. I have a home in Georgia now too, you know. I'm not too culture-shocked. Well, at one point I felt a little sick to my stomach (because I was so weirded out) but I am okay now. I really love these people here, so it's good to see them. Really.

So, I missed my flight from New York to Seattle, so I had to stay the night there. But the airport paid for my hotel and food and everything, so it turned out really cool. And I made it to Seattle, and some of my friends greeted me with a sign and balloons and it was really sweet.

Dzalian miqvararian (Actually, I don't remember if that's right or not. Darn, I'm forgetting Georgian ALREADY).

I feel a bit like this...

IWILLOVERCOME : Charlie Hall

I can see that my hands are trembling, I can see that my legs are weak
I can see that my head is spinning, but I will overcome
And I know that my heart is hurting, And I know that my soul it aches
And I know that it seems I'm failing, but I will overcome, I will overcome

O Lord I'm strong in You, O Lord I am wise in You
O Lord I can see in You, so I will overcome
O Lord I'm loved by You, O Lord I am free in you
O Lord I'm complete in You
So I will overcome, I will overcome, I will overcome

God listen to me shout, I'm so far from anywhere and I'm calling out
Lead me, lead me to the rock that is higher than I
You're my breath, You're my breath, You're my very life
Infinite, Holy King meets weak and frail--Christ in me
And I will overcome not by my strength but by Your grace and love...

I felt a lot like this yesterday. I guess I still feel like it a little bit (like the whole "my head is spinning" part...) but God is so faithful to teach us and to help us through the times we aren't sure we're going to make it through. Seriously. And something I need to remember that He really showed me yesterday: GOD IS THE SAME HERE IN GEORGIA AND THERE IN THE USA. And that is a greatly comforting thought.

Now, lets see if I can put all of this stuff He's been showing me inside of my heart and be proactive about it.

TWO DAYS.

konferanse & vind

For some reason, my blogger account is in Russian. It's really strange. I mean, I'm using a Russian guy's computer, but I'm logged into MY account...and it's still in Russian. Really strange man.

Anyways, the conference was really great. We talked about trust. We made a lot of good new friends. And had a lot of fun. We took a couple excursions, one to the land we bought for the base here in Tbilisi and it was REALLY windy. But beautiful. And people prayed for the future of Tbilisi and the significance of the land, so it was really great.

And I made some cool friends. There is an outreach team here, they came to help with the conference. Actually, they were on outreach in Armenia and that's why they came to help (because they were close and people were coming anyways)...but it's turned out to be an incredibly great thing! I'm so glad to have met them, and I we've had some good times! They are from a CREATIVE DTS in Norway, so they're dancers and singers and an artist, and it's really cool! I like them. :-)

I leave for the States in less than a week. I'm excited. But a little afraid. But a little numb because I don't really realize that I'm leaving yet. All I can say is that I'm really grateful that I am coming back, because it helps to not have to finalize everything. Really.

But I think I'm excited. God is doing NEW THINGS. And it's COOL.

I wanted to put a picture, but I couldn't get it to work. But it's okay.

cable-car

THE CABLE-CAR

So, when we were in Khulo this last month, we heard that the cable car had been shut-down.

You want to know why? Because the cable is too weak, and it could break anytime.

This is the same cable car that we went on TWICE just in December. And it's the same cable car that stopped half-way in the middle (did I mention it's like the 2nd highest one in Europe or something) because the power went out--but we didn't know that, we thought we were going to die. Seriously. One girl like instantly fell to the floor because she was so scared. I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. Others were like, "oh my goodness...oh my goodness...oh my goodness" and then we started singing worship songs and declaring that we weren't going to die in that cable car. And then a couple minutes later the power came back on and everything was okay.

But I still can't believe they shut it down so soon after we went on. Like, it could have broken with us in it, but it didn't. God protected us and I am really glad. And I'm really glad that nobody else got hurt on it either. SERIOUSLY MAN. :-)

Some pictures from Khulo: December 2006

yay for rubber boots!

villages can make you a little crazy

a bit random

So, someone hacked into my myspace like a day or two ago. And it really makes me wonder why they do it. They just like posted a couple bulletins with advertisements or something. And it was strange. But I changed my password and made it really tricky...so hopefully they won't be able to get in for a little while at least.

I leave Georgia in 10 days. It's coming so soon. But I think it really helps that I know that I am going to be coming back...but still, I know so much is going to change while I'm gone and that's a little weird. But I guess the same thing happened when I left the States. It's all just really strange. But you know, I think that God is really preparing me for coming back (to the States). Just with different situations and stuff. And with different struggles that are coming up all of a sudden. But I really realize that I really need to remember these two things:

HUMILITY and SERVICE

With love covering them both.

inside an orthodox church

Last night I was writing in my journal, and I realized that lately I've been writing a lot of wants (or don't wants). Like: "I want to be ______", or "I don't want to be ______". And I don't know why. Maybe it's so I can remind myself of those things when I look back in my journal later. I hope that it works.

I REALLY WANT TO LOVE PEOPLE.

And last night I had a really strange dream(s). Really.

new--> old--> new--> old--> NEW!...

It's so hard sometimes, to live as new and not as old. But it's so much BETTER to live as new. Even if it feels more comfortable to live as old. How many of you understand me?

Parts of COLOSSIANS 3 (NLT)

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand...You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us... Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

Khulo & Bodbe

I've been running like crazy.

Khulo was awesome. It really felt like home, people were still welcoming, there was still mud, I wore rubber boots...I loved it. And it was a lot warmer than before, which was nice. We also were able to hand out Operation Christmas Child gifts to some of the kids at one of the schools, and it was really cool. I cried a little bit. And I realized how God really sees all of us the same. With a heck of a lot of love in His heart.

And then this last Saturday we visited an orphanage about 2 1/2 hours away from Tbilisi, called Bodbe. It's specifically for kids with mental disabilities...but there were also a lot of children who were perfectly normal. But I LOVED IT. I cannot explain it to you. The kids were wonderful and loving and warm and I just wanted to like hug them forever. It's not a super-nice place, but the ladies who work there to take care of the kids really love them and it's evident, and I think it does a lot for their (kids) mental state. We played games, talked about the life of Jesus and really gave as much love as we could. I want to go back. I want to take them!

But I've been having a great time.

Return from Kutaisi : Leave for Khulo

GELATI (a famous orthodox church) -->

Kutaisi was great. We visited some places, and then we helped with a church meeting (we did dramas and sang songs and talked and stuff). We ate together and gave a lot of toasts and built a lot of relationships.

And tomorrow morning at 8:30am we are leaving to go visit Khulo (it's the village we lived in for one month during outreach) and I am really excited. We're only staying for about 2 days, but I know that it's going to be great.

thirty...kutaisi...self-control

So, like 30 days until I come back to the States...dun dun dun!

I just realized that today...it's crazy how quickly time goes. Seriously.

So, I did get my room packed up and I've been staying with my friend Megan, which has been incredibly cool. And tomorrow morning I'm leaving for Kutaisi. I found out more about it. Basically we're going there to work with a church and to get people excited about telling others about Jesus! So, that should be fun. And I think we are staying in homes with families and stuff, and that's always really super cool. I heard that Kutaisians are really hospitable.

Something that I need/want to learn now and especially before I go to the States is SELF-CONTROL. Don't worry, I'm not like stealing or binge drinking or anything.

Wow, I feel really vulnerable now that I've said that. I guess that's a good thing though--brings humility.

one-two-three

1 Currently I am procrastinating. But what I am supposed to be doing is packing up my room in Vazi. I have to move out for about one week, because before I was here a conference was scheduled. So they need most of the rooms, including mine! But it's actually probably an incredibly good thing, because I am sort of like pre-packing for coming back to the States. So, in the long run, I'm sure that it will be REALLY helpful!


2 What else. This coming week we are going to visit a nearby (3 hours) city, Kutaisi. I don't know exactly what we are going to be doing...I think probably work with a church there and tell people about Jesus. Sounds good to me. And then next week we are going to return to the village Khulo, where we stayed for a month during outreach. I'm really excited to see these people again! I kind of hope that some of the snow will have melted away by now, but I guess we will see.


3 JOY. I really want it, all the time. I'm learning more about it. And I seem to have it more when I look at life with the realization that this isn't all there is. I want it to be contagious. I want to be free to express my joy to God in any way necessary. I want other people to have this same thing. And I want God to smile when He sees what is happening.

if you could do anything for Jesus, what would it be?

There are many people here in Tbilisi, who beg for money. There are a lot of "gypsies", women with babies, people with disabilities or deformities, and there are especially a lot of older people. I think it's attributed to the fact that the pensions here (and I'm sure other places as well), are horrifically small, and many elderly people are unable to work because of physical ailments. So, their last resort is to beg for money.

And a couple of weeks ago I was walking down the street and I saw ahead of me, an old lady who was doing just this outside of a clothing store. She was hunched over on her cane, and she held her hand out in such a way as to beckon people to come and contribute. Some people were moved to compassion and gave her the leftover change in their pants pocket or after their purchase. But many walked by without paying any attention.

I wasn't sure whether or not I should give money, so I asked God, "Lord, what do You want me to do? Should I give her money? How much?". And I walked more, waiting for an answer. I didn't hear anything, so when I came near I stopped and tried to communicate with her the best that I could, in broken, or rather, destroyed Georgian and Russian language. She was hard of hearing and didn't understand me, so I just patted her arm and kept walking. But then I was thinking again, "Lord, if You want me to give money to her, I totally will...just please tell me what you want me to do!" I didn't hear anything. But I felt like I should just give her something, so I went back and gave 2 lari, turned back around and started walking again. But then I asked AGAIN, "Lord, if You want me to give more money to her I will! Just PLEASE tell me how much!" And then I got an answer.

I felt like God asked ME a question (an interesting reversal), "What do you WANT to give to her?" Hmm...

So, I went back to her, gave her the rest of the money that I had in my pocket, tried to tell her to buy healthy food so she can be strong, and then continued on my way.

You may feel free to conclude your own moral of the story, but I wanted to share this experience with you!

seriously spring

The weather here in Tbilisi is getting increasingly beautiful every day (well, sometimes there are the occasional rain showers, but besides that), and it really makes me feel like refreshed or something. Today I decided that spring is my favorite season. Well, I was actually thinking about those surveys that people send you in emails that ask about what your favorite things are and what you want in a boyfriend/girlfriend, and I decided that if I ever got one of those again and if it asked what my favorite season was, I would say, "Spring!"

On a different, slightly more serious note, God showed me this particular Bible verse the other day:

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed
by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and
approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will."
Romans 12:2 (NIV)

And it really hits home for me. I really don't want to conform to this "world", but I also don't want to just conform to premade Christianity. Like, I want to have a relationship with Jesus that is real and alive and intimate and unique...I want something deeper. This is just sort of what I'm thinking about these days. Like, God is SO big and so there must be like so many dimensions to having a relationship with Him, right? I don't know...what do you think?

musical airplanes with a beautiful perspective

I feel like I'm going a little crazy.

I need to hear music man. I don't what it is about me. But, it's like I just need it. But I don't have a computer and I don't have a CD player and it's making me just a little crazy. But I'm listening to music now as I'm using Caitlin and Andrew's computer (they're the American couple that's living in the same building as me, they were my DTS staff and outreach leaders) and it helps. It's really strange you know. I mean, yeah I hear music like in taxis or at other places, but there is just something about choosing what you want to listen to. I don't know. Maybe this is a pointless thing to talk about, but it's what I'm thinking now.

So, I am leaving Georgia April 19th, I talked to my travel agent yesterday. Part of me is really excited. But part of me is really a little afraid. And you know the strange thing is that I feel very similar to the way I did when I was coming TO Georgia. The details are different, but it's a very similar feeling. Which is kind of showing me that I need to apply the lessons I learned LAST time and have some peace in Christ.

Today there was a Bible seminar about who Jesus really is, in the building I live in. And it was interesting, even though I heard all of those things before, it was still like really good to hear. But, there was a blind man who came and so I talked to him a little bit, in Georgian/Russian and he knew a little English. And he said something, and this is my summary/application to everyone. WE can be beautiful people. Maybe we're physically beautiful. Maybe our hearts are beautiful. Maybe our words reflect our beauty. But when Jesus lives inside us, we are a million-trillion-gagillion times MORE beautiful than any of that. When Jesus lives inside of us. And it's so true. In my relationship with God, I have found that there is this gentleness and peace and softness and I cannot even explain the utter beauty of it.

And also today we were talking about how there really aren't words to describe God because He is so great, and things like the Trinity are so beyond our understanding, and I just had this picture in my mind. Like, that I was in heaven (sorry no description of what I saw heaven to be, I didn't really see that, I just knew I was there) and I was looking back to that exact moment when we were doing our best to try to describe God, and I thought how childish it was. Childish not because it was stupid, but because it was so true that words couldn't describe God. Because at that moment it was like I knew that I had seen God since I was in heaven and I realized just how far beyond our words He reaches. And it was so strange to think in that perspective. But it was just a moment. That heavenly understanding of God was not locked into my brain, I guess it's like waiting for me...probably in heaven with God, yeah?

peanut butter and plans

So, I really feel like I'm supposed to come home in April. Which is good, because it is sooner than May. And I am really excited to see people and eat as much peanut butter as I want. :-)

But I'm noticing that I'm starting to think like, "ohh...what about this?...and this? ...and this?" and it's making me a little crazy. Well, not crazy, just a little distracted I guess. It's like what it was like in June, but the reversal, it's really strange. But hopefully I will be able to trust God with it all at least a little more so that some things will be easier!

And other news, I guess I've officially been accepted as YWAM staff here in Georgia now (I filled out application and my references were my outreach leaders) and so yeah. It's cool. But as usual (in my life at least I've noticed this), now that I'm accepted I'm starting to really wonder, "Is this REALLY what God wants me to do?!" And you know, I really think it's where He is leading me, but it's not solid/concrete. Maybe that's His way of keeping me on my toes, always trusting in Him and not in my own plans. Because He could change it all, but I really hope not...but I will have to obey if He does!

I know that He plans good things for us, maybe there aren't good things that happen along the way...but I know that He really loves and He really cares and He really understands. So I know that I can trust Him, even when I don't feel like trusting (because trusting takes faith and sometimes faith is lacking).

what's goin' on...

Tonight I'm going over to Mark & Carole's (they're one of the Campus Crusade missionary families here in Tbilisi) to watch Lord of the Rings : Two Towers, and I guess you could say I'm pretty excited. :-) It should be fun. They said that maybe they would call it the "J-Party" because Jenni, Julie, Joel, (Jake and John are 2 of their kids) are going to be there. Hey hey!

Last night we had Bible study for some university students, and it was pretty cool. We sang worship songs in Georgian, and talked a lot about life and stuff. At one point, it got a little crazy though: some of the students started a little side discussion in Georgian about whether or not everything we're going to do is written in a book by God or something like that. But I know that God was there, regardless of the other little distractions and stuff. I just really see how focusing on all of the little details that really are not essential to a new relationship with Jesus, can totally cause you to miss the point and make you discouraged, so it's something to try to watch out for. So, Mark (he was leading) just tried to refocus back to talking about the fact that God really did create us with a purpose, and that He has the answers we're looking for about why we're alive. It was good.

And tomorrow I'm going on a hike with a university student (who knows really good English because she's attending some American-ish university in Tbilisi or something), and then I'm helping lead worship at the international church. And then my friend Megan and I (she's a missionary here too, but with a different organization) are going to do something fun. So, tomorrow should be a good day too.

:-)

kleenex and relationships

Last night I took my clothes out of the washing machine to hang them up to dry, and I discovered that I once again, washed a kleenex with them. And you know, you would think I would have learned my lesson. It happened once before too and I made a mental note to always check pockets for those notorious kleenexes, but I guess I got lazy and forgot. And now I have quite the mess to clean up. But, I think everything will be okay in the end...hopefully the stuff will come off really easy after everything is dry. And last night as I was dealing with this issue, I concluded that washing a kleenex with your laundry, is kind of like sin. Because when you sin, it gets everywhere and messes up many things, but praise the Lord that God can clean us off in a second.

Tonight I'm going to a Bible study that the Campus Crusade missionaries have started here, and they're going through the Purpose-Driven Life (they have copies in Georgian). I've never actually read the book, and in the past I was actually kind of opposed to it because it seemed too trendy or something, and everyone was starting the "Purpose-Driven _____" and I didn't like it. But I've started to read it, and I think it's really good, especially for people in orthodox culture, because it talks abot God in a relational way. A very high percentage of Georgians call themselves "Christians", but many of them live for nothing more than rules and rituals. And now that I think about it, I'm classifying this as an orthodox characteristic, but it's also a Western one too. "Read this book!...Attend this youth program!...Say these words!..." Something super important that I've really been learning about my relationship with God, is that it's just that. RELATIONSHIP. Not rules. Not rituals. Relationship.

me kartveli var...martla!

Yesterday Diana & Ira (my roommates from DTS) came and are staying with me now. It's awesome to be able to see them again and talk and laugh and eat chocolate! And tonight they taught me how to make borsche...because us Americans are like starving here! ;-) But, it was actually really exciting because now I feel more like a woman...or at least more something!

This morning we went to the School of Tomorrow (it's a Christian-focus school that is kind of hard to explain, but our base leader has been partnering with the founder of the school for a long time)...anyways, we went there and sat in on some conversational English classes. They are really short, but we use the Bible...the kids read, and then we ask questions. The topic today was baptism, which is very interesting to discuss in an orthodox country! But yeah, Dennis (base leader) wants to get us ready so that we can teach the class and stuff. It is pretty cool.

And then we went and visited our friend Nino. And then I went to Georgian lessons. My teacher and I talked about globalization and now I'm learning how to tell time and 52 adjectives in Georgian. Oh, and I finally found a medium sized Georgian-English dictionary for 17 lari...so I bought it. I think it is definitely a good investment.

Then we walked a little bit, came home, talked, prayed, made borsche, ate cake and drank tea. It was a really good day.

:-)

working out the kinks

In response to my last post, I'd like to say that GOD IS WORKING out the kinks. :-)

Of course it is difficult when you really really realize that you aren't in control of everything around you (Sometimes, at least I...but I'm sure everyone, we convince ourselves subconsciously or consciously that we are in control of the things that are happening in our lives. But that is in fact a lie, and so when reality hits, even when you know the truth but maybe aren't quite accepting it, it can hurt a little). But I know that in view of eternity, I would rather relinquish control to God and trust that if I follow where He leads, the outcome will be great...than try to plan my own future and have to spend the rest of my life cleaning up the debris.

And so, in redirecting my life (from where I was taking it), God has sort of begun to close a relationship, continue a few old ones, directed me to quit Turkish lessons, brought up an opportunity to practice teaching a little bit, and is reminding me that I am doing this all for HIM.

I can really say that I've sort of forgotten it. Like, I'm so used to living here in Georgia now and doing all this stuff, that I sometimes think that it's "just my life". Which is true, but it's "just my life...which I AM LIVING FOR HIM." And I really think I'd better wake up and live in that knowledge every second of the day.

So, I guess there are a lot of changes happening in every area...whether it's a change of schedule or a smack of understanding. And I really thank God for all of it. I'm so glad that God is not just "God up in heaven"...but that He is God in heaven, and He is God in my heart, and He is God who understands what it's like to be a human, and He is God who LOVES us unboundedly. Really.

And a story that I read from a book & posted a while ago...but that is worth being reminded of:

"I need oil," said an ancient monk, so he planted an olive sapling. "Lord," he prayed, "it needs rain that its tender roots may drink and swell. Send gentle showers." And the Lord sent gentle showers. "Lord," prayed the monk, "my tree needs sun. Send sun, I pray thee." And the sun shone, gilding the dripping clouds. "Now frost, my Lord, to brace its tissues," cried the monk. And behold, the little tree stood sparkling with frost but at evening it died. Then the monk sought the cell of a brother monk, and told his strange experience. "I, too, planted a little tree," he said, "and see! It thrives well. But I entrust my tree to its God. He who made it knows better what it needs than a man like me. I laid no condition. I fixed not ways or means. 'Lord, send what it needs,' I prayed, 'storm or sunshine, wind, rain, or frost. Thou hast made it and Thou dost know.' "