3 things...

...that have changed since I've come to Georgia:

NOW...

1. Persimmons are my favorite fruit
2. I actually really like tomatoes
3. I iron my jeans

:)

RELINQUISH: voluntary cease to keep or claim

ME AND MY ROOMMATES: DIANA AND IRA

So, yesterday I realized that there are a lot of things I really miss from the States...even things that I either really didn't like when I was there, or things that I didn't do very often. Like, for example, yesterday I had the hugest desire to go to the mall and to paint pottery with Micahlyn. And always I have the most hugest desire to drive.

I think it's because this week we're talking about "giving up your rights". Like, giving up your right to be comfortable and in your culture, and giving up your right to be married, giving up your right for a "good reputation" and giving up your right to live. I don't mean like never having those things, but just like TOTALLY surrendering them to God. Relinquishing them into His hands and trusting that He will take care of them, and that He will do what He knows is best...but doing all of that and still maintaining responsibilities. It's a really interesting concept, and a hard one. I mean, I can say that I trust God with my potential, or not potential marriage, but really I struggle to do that. You know, you meet a someone you like and you wonder, "will he be my husband?" Or trusting God with my life, when you do that, you are free from the fear of death, and I can say that that is not true for me! So, it's been good to talk and think about this stuff.

And something I really need to give up this very moment is my desire (it's definitely not a right) to control the other students! I struggle to find a balance between like seeing something wrong and mentioning it, and being a nagging-grandmother. I'm not proud of it, and it really is a hard thing to deal with...but I know I need to give it up.

But GOOD NEWS: This morning I was reflecting back on some things in my life, and one instance, or group of similar instances, popped up. I remember when I first started going to EdCC and I went and visited one of my friends in downtown Seattle. When we would talk, somehow partying (like getting drunk) would come into play, and each time I really wanted to say, "no, I'm really not interested in that kind of thing"...but I was too afraid! Maybe afraid that I would look like not "cool" or something, or just unsure about what I even wanted because as a believer in Jesus I was way of course. Anyway, I remember how I was then, and then viewed how I am now. Like, I don't think that I would really struggle with that now. I'd be like, "no way man!". And it's just really encouraging to see these different areas in which Christ has grown and built up my character thus far. I realized how much Jesus really is my REDEEMER, and what that redemption really meant. Eta ochen harasho.

my poem

Lord, there are so many times when I disobey
And then can't see past my feelings at all
Feelings of frustration, disappointment and sometimes even hate
Caused by my amazing ability to fall

But Jesus I know this is why you came
To rise above all the confusion and pain
It's like Paul says in your book, 'Of all the sinners, I am the worst'
And through this example you have displayed

MORE THAN I COULD HOPE FOR

I see your unlimited patience for those who would be saved
And I pray Lord Jesus, that for me you'd do the same
I know I don't deserve it, but oh Lord I pray
That for me you'd do the same

announcement + other things

ANNOUNCEMENT: For those of you who have fast internet and want to talk to me here in Georgia for free, get a microphone for your computer --> www.skype.com --> download "skype" --> and add me (jennifer.cook). It's pretty amazing to think that you're talking to someone halfway across the world for free. And also I can call phones in America for 2 cents a minute...crazy, I know.

OTHER THINGS: I'm feeling really rather uninspired to write anything here, which is strange because a lot has been happening. We are in our 4th week of school, and things are still going really well for the most part. I think now we are all getting comfortable enough with each other that we feel we can be "ourselves", which is great. But also some interpersonal conflicts are forming, which can be kind of stressful...but basically inevitable. We live in small quarters, are together practically all the time, and are all very different (although quite complimentary). But, I trust that God will really teach us through it all, and that once we get through this, we will be able to handle ones in the future a lot better.

OH and I think I'm turning into a Georgian, or something. Like, the other day we were having a break and for a snack I ate bread with mayonaise and pickled pepper on it. Of course the Georgian mayonaise is a lot different than the States (it's REALLY good) but I was just like, "what is happening to me?". And I say things like "oy mey". But it's really great though. I am definitely still more American than Georgian, but it feels good to be fitting into the culture a little more! :)

Although I still can't totally handle the BIG market. I mean, I go, and I've gone on my own to buy vegetables and stuff...but on Monday I went to do shopping for the school food and I about died because we had to get meat too. Usually I just avoid the meat section completely, but I couldn't this time. There were like skinned whole pigs lying in rows on tables (no refrigeration for hardly anything by the way), chickens with some feathers and necks and parts that should be attached still attached, and all sorts of internal organs of like cows and stuff, and big HUGE bones, like legs of cow. And this one guy I walked by, and he took this huge cow leg-bone (I think that's what it was), puts it on a block of wood and starts swinging an axe at it in the middle of the market! It's kind of crazy.

Alright, that's all for now.

growing pains

So, here we are in our 3rd week of DTS already. It's going by actually kind of fast. Of course when I'm sitting in lecture for hours it doesn't always seem like that, but now in retrospect it does. I really like it a lot, and I know that I am learning and attempting to grow from what I've learned.

John 15:1-2 "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

I know that God is pruning me with a purpose in mind. Although, I don't really know what that purpose it is. And I know that the pruning is good for my heart. Although it doesn't feel very good. But I do want to change and I do want to become more fruitful for HIM!

SO yeah! Other news: The team from the States is here (Steven, Diane, Sue, Melissa, Peggy and Tony & Samuel), and it's been great seeing them. I was able to spend most of the weekend with them, and it was really awesome. I probably won't see them a whole lot this week, because of the lecture content (it's more in depth and like heart cleaning than most of the others...so I'll probably be spending more time focusing on that) but hopefully this weekend I will be able to spend time with them, and they are coming to my DTS in one week! So, it's ochen klassna!

Okay, nachwamdeese.

THE FIRST GEORGIAN DTS CLASS EVER!
[L-R: Diana, Keti, me , Ira, Nino. In back: Wes. In Front: Zura.]

how things go

So, today is the end of the first week of DTS (well, it's only Friday...but we don't have classes on Saturday or Sunday). It went well, and I know that it will get better. This week was mainly like lectures about the hows and whys of what we do, and lots of "guidelines" and stuff, although there was some good teaching. But starting on Monday, we're going to actually talk about like real stuff and that will be good.

I have 2 roommates, Deanna (23) and Ira (21), I'll put pictures of us later. They're both Georgian. Diana speaks quite a bit of English, but she just hasn't had any time to practice...so it's good for her to be in a room with me! By the time DTS is over, she will be like totally fluent you know! And Ira speaks a little bit of English, but with the 3 of us, we communicate alright. But, I really do like them both a lot! At first I was a little worried, because they are the 2 girls that I knew the least, but God knows what He is doing...:)

The school is being done in English and Russian (because Keti translates into Russian better than into Georgian). But people still speak Georgian to each other sometimes, and when I go out I hear mostly Georgian. But it's starting to be a little confusing...I can usually tell if they're speaking Georgian or Russian, but I'm finding that I'm starting to speak "Russgian". Not that I'm like really speaking a whole lot...but, still. But it's good though. Hopefully by the end of the school I'll know something more.

As far as DTS dts goes, I struggle a bit with a few things (like community living for example: we have 1 hour of required quiet time a day, but there is so much going on, some people aren't doing their's and there aren't a whole lot of places to go and be undistracted...but I'm learning). But for the most part I really like it. We have intercession and it's an awesome time to pray and to learn more about prayer, and we have work duties and it's been amazing to see how willing people are to help. Like even if they've done their work duty for the day already, they will still help you. There's a lot of humilty (well, I guess we'll see at the end of the school if it really is humility you know. Like, if by the 12th week people are still helping, it will really be true humility). And I've just been able to see God more and I know that He is drawing me closer to Him and I LOVE IT. Really, it's amazing. And also this group of people is just great. We're all so different and have such different giftings and everything, but at the same time we (for the most part) get along really well. We laugh a lot, and I love that too!

And another thing that I Really like about DTS is Fridays (or it could be Saturday or Sunday) we have a time for doing some outreach (that will be sort of like what we will do during the outreach phase) and today we went down to the School of Tomorrow (it's a Christian English school for Georgians) and just worked on the place. Nino and I painted a fence. And while it wasn't necessarily the most fun I've ever had in my entire life, I like that we're learning how to serve. We will do different things each week, and I know we will all learn a lot.

So yeah, there are some hard times but I really do like DTS, and I really do like the people and I really do like this country. I guess I'll write more as more happens. Eta ochen harasho.

it's strange you know

It's strange, you know: It seems like this is happening more and more. This meaning, situations where I'm trying to be flexible. But even though I'm trying to be flexible, there always seems to be one thing that I really don't want to happen, for various reasons. So, in a way I try to just imagine it all working out okay, but subconciously it's like I know that the outcome is going to be exactly what I didn't want to happen. And that's what happens.

For example, when I was flying to Georgia, I REALLY didn't want my luggage to get lost (no one really does). But I REALLY didn't want my luggage to be lost, but I sort of felt like it was going to, and it was. And just stuff like that. I think it's like God sees that the situation will build my character and not kill me, so he allows it to happen. And maybe I just see that it could be a big character building experience too, even though I really don't want it to happen, but I also see what God has been doing in my life lately, and so I sort of know that it's probably going to work out that way. I wonder if this makes any sense at all.

Well, time has really gone by quickly. Tomorrow night we are having our official "welcome to DTS dinner" and then the school starts on Monday. It's totally crazy. And we have been really busy too, just getting stuff ready (like the building, and all the little details). I'm just a student, but it's been good to see all that goes into running one of these before I actually go through it, I'll definetely have more compassion when things don't go exactly as planned!

But today was a good break from all the work. We went swimming with somepeople from church...it was really klassna! : )

Okay, I guess that's all for now!

short

well, Ukraine was great. i already sent out an email about it, so i won't write more.

like 2 days ago, the staff for DTS came. their names are andrew and caitlin. they're young, and recently married, but very cool. it's still kind of a little awkward you know, because they're adjusting, and now i'm adjusting to having them live in vazi too (it's good like preparation for DTS).

i can't write a whole lot because i'm about to leave to go to church for worship practice, but i wanted to write something.

sio.

like totally

SO here is an outline of what has been / is happening:

+ I leave for Ukraine on Wednesday (the 16th), and I'm actually really excited. I get to hang out with Keti in Kiev (she lived there for 13 years) and go to a YWAM conference, and get another stamp in my passport, which is really rather thrilling.

+ I continue to become more adjusted to life here in Tbilisi, and also life basically living alone. My most recent accomplishments include: riding the marshutka alone, buying ground meat from the market, and cooking a decently healthy and fairly tasty dinner.

+ DTS starts on *EDIT: SEPTEMBER 4th! (I had written the wrong date before)*, and now we have an estimated total of 6 students. It sounds small I know, but it's more than I was expecting! And I think that we will potentially get more (and hopefully we will). We definitely want the students, even I do, although I know that it will be a stretch for me to have that many people in this not too large (but beautiful and wonderful) place. Oh, and here are some pictures of my room. When DTS starts we'll probably have 2 or 3 + girls in here.

+ As far as serving goes, I've been helping with praise & worship at the International Fellowship, and last Sunday I was the worship leader. It's not too big of a church, especially during this time of year because I guess a lot of families go back to the States or go on trips elsewhere and stuff. But it's a good place, and I'm blessed to be able to go to a service in English and also to be around other Americans! I love the Georgians, but it is nice to be able to spend time with some Americans too, especially missionaries!

just so you know

for those of you who are comment-leavers, i enabled this "word verification" thing...but don't be afraid. just type the letters in the box and you'll be fine. i was getting comment spam and so i wanted to stop it.

but can you believe it? they (whoever "they" is) seem to find you no matter where you are.

what shall i call it

blogging is such a strange thing. you really want people to read what you're writing so that you know it's not totally in vain. but at the same time, once you are aware that people are reading what you are writing, it's like you can't really write what you really want anyway. really, it's like you're writing about your life, but subconciously hoping that it will please your readers, that it will sound exciting, or maybe intellectual. it really is bizzare.

i miss home. not to sound wimpy, or un-missionary material...but i really do. i miss my people and my car and driving and milk cartons with lids. i think part of my longing for home comes from my not-quite-so-busy schedule. like, i guess i feel like right now i don't really have a purpose. i mean, yeah i'm doing stuff. i help out with worship at the fellowship (the english speaking church). and right now i'm helping out the campus crusade missionaries here: keti and i are "house-sitting" while they are in ukraine with their family for some conferences. but i just feel like i'm missing something. like i wish i could do more. oh and especially i miss the kids i used to watch at mid-week childcare.

oh, and this might be slightly random, but...i've been getting these like dizzy spells the past day or so and it's so strange. i thought that it might be linked to not drinking enough water, but i feel at least decently hydrated. so that, for the the readers that i am subconciously aware of, is sort of a prayer request of sorts.

and speaking of prayer requests. i am almost positively sure that i'm not the only one who really fails in this area, but it's so like disheartening to see in my own character. you know, i tell people that i will pray for them, and i really am good intentioned when i say it, and probably even excited about the opportunity to pray for them. but it seems that more often then not, i somehow don't get around to it until it's too late. and then i totally let them down, whether they knew it or not. i'm glad that God knows us so well that we don't have to "fill Him in" on anything or remind Him to take care of things. because i'm sure that things probably wouldn't get taken care of as well as they do now.

on the brighter side of things (not that all that i've written so far is necessarily dark, but i guess i feel sort of slightly like pessimistic. which by the way was not my intention. i'm just writing about life, man.) i think that i want to be an english major. i don't know for sure, but i really want to go back to school and get my degree. i guess i think that it would be really interesting to actually know my own language. it's a little awkward when a non-native english speaker asks you about a certain verb in the present perfect tense, and you don't have an answer to give them. but, ya nasnyeoh ("i don't know", in russian)-- it's not a set plan or anything. i guess we will see what God does with it.

character building 101

Let's see.

There are a lot of really seriously creepy bugs here. SERIOUSLY creepy.

Yesterday I was walking across this area of gravel on my way to the store when I saw this HUMONGOUS spider. Now, I know that I can tend to exaggerate sometimes, but I'm not kidding...it was really huge. I thank the Lord though, that it was on it's back and it couldn't flip itself over. But, it was so gross. I ended up getting a piece of cardboard that was laying on the ground, putting it on top of it and stomping on it (I was slightly worried that it would like somehow flip itself over and come invade my home).

AND THEN, today I was vacumming my room near where my curtains are (they're long, like to the ground) and all of a sudden this centipede/millipede/orthropodish type thing came out of nowhere. I don't even know if orthropod is the right term, but still. It wasn't super huge, but really creepy looking. I vacuumed it up (or so I thought) and was relieved. But then tonight I was sitting on my couch reading my Bible and I saw it run across the floor! So, I used some massive strategic techniques and killed it.

I just don't know what it is. Maybe it's just a time of massive character building. I mean, really.

and secondly...

i had a lot to say, so i decided to post two times as to keep more of
your attention!

the next topic(s).

i am going to kiev, ukraine on the 16th of august to go to this ywam
conference thing. i'm excited to go to kiev, and it also helps me out
with my visa here in georgia. when you fly in you get a stamp that is
good for 3 months, and then after that you have to like renew it, but
for some reason i am not able to right now. but when i come back from
ukraine, i get a new stamp...so i get another 3 months.

don't worry though, i won't be kicked out. it's just some minor issue
that will be resolved soon enough. hey hey.

and what else...oh yes. i really am feeling more at home here in
tbilisi. i am able to actually go places on my own. not everywhere
of course, but i'm learning to get around. really though, if you are
just very friendly and you try to say a few georgian words, people
really like you and will do a lot to help you. it's very good. : )

well, i guess this is shorter than i planned, but that is okay.

and lastly, a few pictures (finally).

this is some of the people from the project in downtown tbilisi (rustaveli area) a day after the project ended.

this is some of the countryside near where we stayed. one day we went for a walk (like 3 km there and back!) and we stopped near this river and made a fire and cooked shashlik ( i didn't do the cooking). and we had to cross this log bridge thing to get to where we had our picnic. it was pretty exciting.

this is my ukranian friend ira and i during the project. she was was funny and way awesome. we had a lot of fun.

amazing

well, where to start!

the project (as the campus crusade people call it) was really amazing.
there was a team of 6 people from ukraine who sort of helped run it,
the watson family (the campus crusade people for Georgia), and quite a
few Georgians who were mostly orthodox.

the first day I was really sort of scared. mostly because i just
found out that they were almost all orthodox and were not used to the
whole singing thing. and then the rest of the scaredness is just the
insecurity that comes along with not knowing what people are talking
about unless it is translated for you. yes, they almost all (except
one) spoke english at least okay, but it's not their most comfortable
language, so they don't use it unless they have to! but it went so
well though. they LOVED to sing, and their favorite song was, "we
wanna see".

the lyrics:
WE WANNA SEE JESUS LIFTED HIGH
A BANNER THAT FLIES ACROSS THIS LAND
THAT ALL MEN MIGHT SEE THE TRUTH AND KNOW
THAT HE IS THE WAY TO HEAVEN

WE WANNA SEE
WE WANNA SEE
WE WANNA SEE JESUS LIFTED HIGH

STEP BY STEP WE'RE MOVING FORWARD
LITTLE BY LITTLE WE'RE TAKING GROUND
EVERY PRAYER A POWERFUL WEAPON
STRONGHOLDS START TUMBLING DOWN

so that was pretty amazing. and I can't even begin to tell you the
rest. the ukranian team was so wonderful. and i really made a few
good friends that i pray will last for the rest of my life. and the
changes that we saw in the hearts of the Georgians were really
miraculous.

for example, there was this one girl who really didn't think that
there was a connection between orthodox and protestantism. she of
course thought that orthodox was right and we were not really, or at
least we had a lot of things wrong. but the last night we were all
sharing what we learned and what our favorite part of the project was
and stuff, and this girl stood up and told us that she really learned
a lot. that she now sees that there is only one God between orthodox
and protestantism and He is the same for both of us. and many girls
said that they really had the desire to read the Bible now. of course
they still have a lot to learn (don't we all) but i was really amazed
to see how much ground was taken in such a short period of time!

so, that's all to say that the project was so blessed by God and He
was so there. i totally have more stories and such, and i'm sure they
will come out some time or another!

finally!

Well, lets see. I remember thinking about something I really wanted
to say, but now I can't remember. But, I guess that's alright.

I did want to announce my first official like ministry thing! There
is a family that works with Campus Crusade for Christ here in Georgia,
and they are doing a "summer project" (it's like a retreat). And they
asked me to lead worship for them! The camp will be done in English
but there will be students from Ukraine and Georgia and one from
Turkey there. I'm really excited to serve and I'm excited to learn
from it all, but I am a little nervous. But, I'm sure it will go
great! So, I will be gone for 6 days, just so you all know.

Oh! In just like 2 or 3 days, I will have been in Georgia for 1
month. I know it's not really that much, but it seems like a lot for
how quickly it's gone by, you know? I hardly feel like I've been here
two weeks, much less a month. But I'm sure that it hasn't always felt
like it was going by quickly, but I'm glad it feels like that now. If
that makes sense.

Okay, I guess I'll be back in like a week or so.

a little bit

Hello there. I was briefly really excited because I though I was going to have the ablilty to post pictures by using the email thing...but I’m not able to. Oh well I guess!

So, Batumi was good. I swam in the Black Sea, and no it wasn’t very black. But I guess they have these special black dolphins that come around, so maybe that’s why it’s called that. We also drove to the Turkish border and a few people prayed for Turkey. It was interesting seeing it in the light because the last time I was there it was like midnight, or some ridiculous hour.

But I think the best part of Batumi was the fact that we got to bring Keti back to Tbilisi with us. Since she returned, I was able to move into Vazi and start to get acquainted with the Nutzubidze Plateau area. I really like it here. At least until DTS starts, I have my own room and it’s so lovely! I wish I could show you all what it looks like. Maybe soon, maybe soon.

Yesterday I was reading in my room, and for the first time, or maybe the second, I really remembered how much I love Georgia. I guess I’ve been so distracted and bewildered to remember that fact. Of course, I really do miss Washington and all that I have there, but it was just so exciting to think that I’m here in some random country half-way across the world from the place I took my first breath. (I’m only halfway trying to sound poetic).

But there really is so much to love. Like the Metro for example. I’m sure most Georgians don’t really care for it. It smells all musty and can be very crowded...but for this American, it’s like amazing. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the forever-long escalators and the gush of wind that comes as you go down them. I guess that’s my Ode to the Metro or something.

Tomorrow Keti is going to start giving me Georgian lessons. She already has a little bit. “Meh minda ertitsali puri.” That means, “I want a piece of bread.” I guess that could be useful if I ever got lost.

We spent most of the afternoon on Rustaveli (it’s kind of like the main street). I feel like we walked a million miles, but it probably wasn’t that much. We went into this really old orthodox church (just to sort of sight-see I guess) and I found out that the building was 1600 years old. Do you realize that that is older than America? Crazy, I know. Also today I bought a little gypsy girl an ice-cream cone (which is extremely inexpensive by the way, just a little more than a quarter). I’m sure it was her 4th or 5th for the day, but I just couldn’t say no. It was food and I knew she’d eat it. Gypsies...that’s a whole nother topic that I will maybe try to write about later.

I could write more, but I’ll wait until later. <3

nice

Well, it worked!  So, I guess I'll just do this for now.

 

Yesterday I went to Pastor Zaal's church.  It was interesting, but I didn't understand hardly anything they said.   I think the words I did understand were, dzalian which means "very", mich war har which means "I love you" and just things like shen which is like "you" or something like that.   But, even the fact that I could pick out those words is fairly exciting I must say.  Not necessarily miraculous, but exciting.

 

The other day I went to the store to get some food for Korinne and on the way home I stopped at one of the little bread shops where they make the traditional (at least I think it's traditional) Georgian bread.   The word for one is "erti" and so, I was like, "uhh...er..erti" and the guy was so nice!  He was like, "pooree, erti pooree" (which means one bread or something).   Anyway, the moral of that story was I guess just to tell you, but also to say that I really like the Georgians who try to help you learn the language and who are just plain nice.

 

Yesterday also, I helped lead worship with Dennis at the "Tbilisi International Fellowship".   It's basically like a church full of foreign missionaries, although there are a few Georgians that come.  I like it.  And the room we meet in has air conditioners, which is FANTASTIC.

 

We're (the Holts and I and one other DTS student) leaving to go to Batumi (a town on the Black Sea) tomorrow.  It should be fun.  It's sort of like a vacation thing I guess, but we are planning on meeting with some church leaders or something, to advertise the DTS.  We'll be gone until Friday.  Hopefully I'll be able to figure out how to post pictures on here, but by using email like I am right now.

 

Well, I'd better go eat breakfast.  The oatmeal is calling me name.

georgia

Well, since I can't post using the actual website, I am trying this new email post thing.  So, I hope it works so that all of my work (typing) here is not in vain!

 

I'm sure most of you know, but I got here okay.  The airlines lost my luggage and I was without it for a litte more than 3 days.  But, I did get it back and everything was intact which was good.  Except the little bridge thing on my guitar, I don't really know what it's called--but there's this plastic part that goes under your strings, and it broke at the B string.  But, it still plays alright.

 

Umm, what else.  I've been to a few places.  Went to Gori just for a short time, but it was still interesting.  A week ago we went to Tbilisi Sea and went swimming (although it's a reservoir and not a sea, they still call it that).  Went out to dinner, walked on the Rustaveli.  I've been having a pretty good time just getting to know Tbilisi better and getting to know the Holts better.

 

But, emotionally I've been kind of up and down.  There will be days that I wake up and think, "yes, I can do this!  I can be a missionary, and I WANT to serve God!"  But then there are also days when I wake up and think, "oh, I wish I was back in America!  I don't think I could ever be a missionary!"  As frustrating (and exhausting) as it is, I think it's just part of adjusting to the culture, you know.

 

A friend emailed me just today and I was greatly encouraged! He reminded me that God CALLED me.  And that says so much!  It says that even if I don't think I can do it, God knows I can.  He brought me here and He knows my abilities and my weaknesses.  So, that was really good to hear.

 

The Holts found an apartment that is close to Vazi (the place where the DTS will be run for now, and the place I will be staying, hopefully sometime soon).  So, next week we will  be moving there and I am hoping to move into Vazi.

 

Another one of the DTS students came early, and we just met her today.  She actually is Georgian and she grew up here her entire life, but she moved to the states like 3 years ago, or something like that.  So, she decided to come back and she will be attending DTS.  She's really amazing, her testimony is just like...woah.  But, so intriguing. 

 

Anyway, I guess I'll quit for now.  I don't want to write like a million and a half words, and then have this not work!

 

Okay, that is all for now.  <3

--
"So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy."  Romans 9:16

pre-trip commentary #12

I'm so tired of buying stuff. I mean, I need to...but I just am tired of it.

Also, I am pretty sure that I've worn this pair of jeans for like 4 or 5 days straight because all of my others are packed. I guess I'm like pretty much Georgian now.

I met some Russian people today. One in Walmart-I told her I was going to Georgia and she goes "for a mission?" and of course I said yes. And then a family in Macy's- I told them I was going to Georgia and they said "for a mission?" and of course I said yes (again). It's so weird. People usually don't guess that right away, but they did this time.

Hmm.

pre-trip commentary #11

I don't know if you've noticed, but I seem to post more frequently as it gets closer to Tuesday. I'd say it's because I'm more eager, but I honestly think it's because I have more to procrastinate in doing (like, pack up my life for the past 2 years).

So, the other day I was thinking about why God made my life go the way He did. I wasn't questioning His authority or His plan (how He worked stuff out) but I just realized that I like never asked Him why my mom had to die, or why nearly all of my family had to die (birth family). And this is what I got.

Lord, I don't know why life has been this way. It's been hard, yes it hurts and I've cried many tears of pain. But Jesus You know, why life has been this way. You see all of my hurts and You heal them and take my shame. So, even though I don't know, I will follow You. I might tremble with fear, but I'll cling to You. You have proven Yourself to be faithful. So Lord I'll take up my cross, and follow You.

Not necessarily the answer I was looking for, but that is okay.

Packing is becoming a little more successful mostly because of the ingenious ideas of my family (the Shreves). I decided a few days ago that I was going to just pay $50 and take an extra bag (I'm taking stuff to some people in Georgia and I want to take books and stuff that I'll probably leave there) just a small duffel bag. But then they suggested that I take a big one. And I was like, "GREAT idea". So, now I'm taking a big one => more room to pack stuff => better use of $50.

I also found out today that my parents aren't going to be able to take me to the airport. I have people that are now, but it's just not the same. I was really looking forward to them coming so that I can say an official goodbye, but now I won't get to. And I'm especially sad because I didn't even get to give my mom a hug when I left last weekend (from visiting them) because she had the flu and was like WAY sick. It's so hard. I've cried a lot. Not just about this, but about leaving like everyone. You know that story in the Bible where Jesus calls the disciples to leave their nets and follow Him and they do? I feel sort of like that, but I'm not necessarily doing the "do" very willingly. I mean, I am in a sense, but I long to be with all of these people in my life like forever.

But at the same time I want to serve God, no matter where He takes me. Whether it's overseas, or in America or wherever.

I can't believe I just said that.