I really wanted to write in Georgian because I spent like 2 hours the other night trying to find a Georgian keyboard driver (I think that's what they're called) and finally did, and was pretty excited. But the only Georgian letter that will show up when I type here is the o. Oh well.
So, I'm leaving for Georgia in 2 weeks! I've got insane mixed emotions, but I can't talk about it too much more or I'm going to lose my mind (maybe not really, but that's kind of what it feels like). Today was like a trip down memory lane. I went to a lot of parts of town(s) that I haven't been to for a long time, and that I used to go to. Like places I used to hang out when I was in college, streets that I used to drive on very often with people, and stuff like that...and it was so strange. Part of me wished that I was back in those days, living those times. But most of me is really glad that my life is where it is now, even if transitions aren't easy. And I'm sure that's why part of me wanted to be where I was before...because I was settled, for the most part, and I didn't have to pack my entire life away into suitcases that are much to small (or I just have too much stuff...I believe the truth is found in the latter statement).
I've been really rebelling against God lately (...always?) and it's kind of ridiculous. Like, today I was having lunch with this wonderful lady and I was kind of having an emotional vomitting (pardon the vocabulary) session, and then I looked at her and was like, "You don't think I should be a missionary, huh? And you're probably thinking like, 'Why the heck did I support her?'", and she jokingly said, "I am thinking that..!" But I like totally took it irrationally and played the self-pity card. "Maybe I shouldn't be a missionary. Maybe God didn't really call me, maybe I just wanted to go..." and blah blah blah disgustingness. And the whole time I'm saying that stuff, I'm thinking, "Jenni, what the heck is wrong with you?". We talked at college group today about how a small spark sets a whole forest aflame (or something like that) and the tongue is a small thing that boasts great evils (or something like that...I'm not quoting the Bible directly because it's not in front of me right now). And it's so true.
And because of my rebelliousness I've been feeling like really unforgiven, and that's like not a good place to be. Doubting God's mercy (if I don't have that...then what do I have?). But God is greater than all of that, and greater than all of my whacked out feelings (which are at an all-time high, or nearly, because of EVERYTHING). He is bigger. He is bigger. He is bigger.
And I NEED Him. So much.
So, I'm leaving for Georgia in 2 weeks! I've got insane mixed emotions, but I can't talk about it too much more or I'm going to lose my mind (maybe not really, but that's kind of what it feels like). Today was like a trip down memory lane. I went to a lot of parts of town(s) that I haven't been to for a long time, and that I used to go to. Like places I used to hang out when I was in college, streets that I used to drive on very often with people, and stuff like that...and it was so strange. Part of me wished that I was back in those days, living those times. But most of me is really glad that my life is where it is now, even if transitions aren't easy. And I'm sure that's why part of me wanted to be where I was before...because I was settled, for the most part, and I didn't have to pack my entire life away into suitcases that are much to small (or I just have too much stuff...I believe the truth is found in the latter statement).
I've been really rebelling against God lately (...always?) and it's kind of ridiculous. Like, today I was having lunch with this wonderful lady and I was kind of having an emotional vomitting (pardon the vocabulary) session, and then I looked at her and was like, "You don't think I should be a missionary, huh? And you're probably thinking like, 'Why the heck did I support her?'", and she jokingly said, "I am thinking that..!" But I like totally took it irrationally and played the self-pity card. "Maybe I shouldn't be a missionary. Maybe God didn't really call me, maybe I just wanted to go..." and blah blah blah disgustingness. And the whole time I'm saying that stuff, I'm thinking, "Jenni, what the heck is wrong with you?". We talked at college group today about how a small spark sets a whole forest aflame (or something like that) and the tongue is a small thing that boasts great evils (or something like that...I'm not quoting the Bible directly because it's not in front of me right now). And it's so true.
And because of my rebelliousness I've been feeling like really unforgiven, and that's like not a good place to be. Doubting God's mercy (if I don't have that...then what do I have?). But God is greater than all of that, and greater than all of my whacked out feelings (which are at an all-time high, or nearly, because of EVERYTHING). He is bigger. He is bigger. He is bigger.
And I NEED Him. So much.
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