yemen

So, the funniest thing happened today.

Me and my friend Maria went to Subway to get dinner, and the man making our sandwiches looked hispanic, so I greeted him by saying, "Hola!" He then proceeded to inform me that he was not, in fact, hispanic. And so I proceeded to ask which nationality he was. He wouldn't tell me directly, but turned it into a game: "If you can guess which country I'm from, then I will give you a free sandwich." Of course I wanted a free sandwich, so I started to guess. "Philippines! Malaysia! Indonesia!" and on and on, but I wasn't getting it. So we persuaded him to give us a hint. "My nationality starts with M and ends with T". I was racking my mind to think of what it could be, but nothing was coming. We then persuaded him to give us another hint, and he said "Okay...the name of my country starts with Y."

"YEMEN!!", I shouted.

And alas, I was correct. And we did indeed get a free sandwich. And it was rather thrilling.

the new and the old

I had a really good quiet time this morning. It was the first time in a long time that I've been able to organize my thoughts in a concise and meaningful way. A lot of my journal entries lately (maybe similar to many of my blog entries lately) have been really random and NOT to the point, always skirting around the edge. But it was really relieving/satisfying to be able to "sort it out" on a page.

And this is one of my thoughts that I began to realize. When I finished DTS, I was all for living as the "new Jenni" and not the "old Jenni". And when I came back to the States, I was all for it, and terribly afraid of falling into my old ways. I did. And that's why I need a Redeemer. But that's not my main point here. My main point is that after a while, even the new becomes old.

Even the new becomes old.

My first evening back at home (April 20th)

God is not taking me through all that I've been going through these past 3 months, so that I can be the person I was 3 months ago. He wants me to be more holy. More refined. More like Him. And I need to be striving for that. If I thought my post-DTS attitude/character/life was good, then I'd better expect that God is going to do even better things...because He is STILL working on me.

And I'm trying to get a good grip on Him.

TB and Music

Okay, so something pretty cool.

When I returned to the States, I thought I should get a TB test (to make sure I didn't have it), and so I made my appointment and everything and I went to the doctor. Well, the day I showed up they were like, "your appointment was yesterday", but I wrote down the date she told me, so it was just a little mix-up. And the only problem was that the doctor I was going to see wasn't available, but it was okay, because they just had a nurse do it. Well, I just got the bill today and I am SO glad that the doctor wasn't available, because it probably saved me like $50 or something. So what seemed like plans gone wrong, actually turned out to be a benefit to me in the end, and for my good. Interesting. :-)

I put up some songs that I've recorded on here, so you can check it out if you want. You can download them too! :-)

What else? Oh, I'll just write more later.

attachment to the wrong fears

Tomorrow...or well, today (shoot)...when I wake up in the morning, it's "NO COMPUTER DAY"! Yay!

I think I can, I think I can.

It's pretty ridiculous how ATTACHED we become to things that didn't even exist earlier in our lives. Cell phones, computers, video games. It's really crazy I tell you.

So I found out today that Daniel is getting moved (to wherever he is going) like tomorrow (today) and it's also crazy. It's a good thing, it's just there is so much change. So much.

I didn't do very well today with thinking on what is true, pure and lovely. I hate it, but I so get caught up in impressing people (AKA fear of man) and it's so frustrating. SO frustrating. I even wrote myself a letter (when I was in Georgia, at the end of DTS) and I just got the letter in the mail yesterday (my leaders mailed it to me) and I even wrote in there: "Fear God, not man. Fear of man is a trap." And it totally is, and I'm totally pretty stuck in it.

There is so much I need to give up to God, but I want to hold onto it so tightly. Well, I think that I gave a lot of it up today, but that doesn't mean I won't take it back. I wish that it did mean that I won't take it back, but it doesn't.

Lord, please unstick me.

did you know...

...that when you do a google search for "kartvelley", I am the only related thing that comes up?! It could be because I spelled it wrong (although spelling any Georgian in English is wrong)...but it's okay!

So, I know that I haven't been writing very deeply here. Maybe I'm trying to pretend like everything in my life is normal and fine (because I don't want to think about it), but I know that's not the right thing to do. SO here's a brief synopsis.

1) My good friend Maria is in the hospital in ICU with malaria. She went on a mission trip to Peru and got bit by a mosquito, and she's really sick now. She's getting better, but when they actually finally admitted her (at first they thought it was hepatitis, and it wasn't. And then they though it was just a UTI, but she was still sick and THEN they found out it was malaria) 75% of her blood was contaminated with the malaria, and she was like unconscious (that's what I heard). And now she's getting better, but she's on a ventilator and everything at the hospital in Bellingham.

2) I'm struggling a lot with trusting God right now, and believing Him. And America is the perfect place to remain numb and indifferent, or inactive. And I find that happening to me. So, I'm struggling and wrestling with God about lots of things, like suffering and the deity of Jesus and all of this stuff, and sometimes I'm just so overwhelmed (a lot of times) I just want to pretend like I'm not struggling, so I grab the computer (funny, I'm typing this on the computer now...) or I watch a movie, or I do something so that I don't have to think. And after a while, it's like I get lost in it all and lose touch with reality. And what I really need is to not pretend that I'm not struggling. I need to face it head on. I need to be living in reality. Maybe that doesn't make sense.

But there are good things that are happening.

I've got my return ticket to Georgia, and I'm leaving on the 25th of September. And I'm getting some opportunities to talk about Georgia and what I'm doing there, which is good.

And GOD is still with me and still loves me, even though I'm struggling. And I'm really grateful for that.

Wow, I probably sound crazy or something. It's just hard to condense weeks of thoughts into a brief summary. But I tried.

So, life it hard. But God is still here. Phew.

tired

I was walking home from the grocery store and I was thinking. You know, in America we ask each other "how are you?" and I think the number one response is something like, "good" or "fine thanks". And I think the second response is something like, "good, but tired". And I realized that America is really tired.

We're constantly running. Constantly producing. Constantly pushing for results or profits or something. And we need to rest.

What if they shut down the freeways for a day and declared it "National Rest Day"? People would freak out, because they think life can't go on if something isn't being done. But the reality is, life can go on. And it's kind of enjoyable to take a break once in a while. You know what I mean?

the trees

Oh the trees of the field are singing, joyful songs of love
For they've seen His eyes, and they can't deny His love
Oh I'm not a tree but I'm singing, because I have seen them too
And His is a deep, deep love that warms itself right through
My cold heart
Right through my cold heart