revelation and khinkali

I'm very tired, it's much too late... but I've accomplished much! Newsletter written, emails replied. Very good.

These days I'm really seeing a part of my character that I hadn't seen for a while/thought had maybe gone-- just this intense insecurity and at the same time hunger to get affirmation from the people around me. These things produce horrible "fruit" and it's emotionally hard to work through this time. But I really believe I'm having the chance to see these things now so that I can WORK on them with God (in whatever form that takes, I have no clue as of yet). So, I'm glad to have another character-building opportunity, but I'm reminded that character-building is super painful and quite treacherous-- and totally worthwhile.

I made khinkali this weekend with my friend Diana's mom. It was fun.

Spring, I like you very much

I spent the weekend in Lagodekhi, a village in the Kakheti region of Georgia, with one of our DTS students, Tamila. I had a GREAT time. It was so beautiful and green, there were tons of farm animals and I saw many new things! And it was just awesome. I've got a ton of pictures, but haven't had time to sort through them yet... but I will.

We're going into the 7th week of DTS, just 5 more to go until outreach-- crazy! But I think it really helps having lecture phase during this time, because now it's becoming more Springlike weather and the sun really helps to boost morale. Really. And I think it will be good to have outreach during summer too... less to pack, or at least smaller things to pack (instead of big winter boots and sweaters and jackets-- done that. And worse, winter clothes and spring clothes for Spring outreach...). So, I'm feeling good.

God is great, and that is an understatement. I'm continually amazed these days that He teaches us so much (when we are seeking Him for answers). I mean, He's God, why would He need or care to spend time teaching us Truth? But He does, and it blows my mind. And what blows my mind even more is that He actually likes us and sees that we're valuable and blesses us so much through the creation around us and by making us the people we are with such amazing gifts and talents and beauty. It's really incredible.

I've seen that it's been pretty popular in the "Christian world" to think that everything in this life is meaningless or not important, but I honestly am beginning to think that it's exactly that-- meaningful and important. There are so many beautiful things in this life, and I think that it's really a gift from God. And I'm really seeking to learn how to enjoy it and to pass some of that joy on to others!

food and music

FOOD.

Yesterday I bought a "shaurma". It's like meat shaving (kind of like gyro meat) wrapped in lavash and it's generally quite tasty. Anyways, I bought this shaurma and as I was eating away joyfully, I discovered that one of the meat pieces was actually like animal skin with hair still on it. Take a moment to control your urges to vomit. Sooooo.... I can't believe I'm going to confess this-- I took that piece out and actually continued to eat a little more until I just couldn't stand it anymore, then I threw it on the ground for the stray dogs to eat. Seriously.

Also, I realized that when I'm not at DTS and when Marina is not cooking, I eat a lot of eggs. Probably because they are easy and quick and protein. But then I started to wonder if that's really healthy or not. Seriously though, they are like a staple food for me here. But, interestingly, I really quite despised scrambled eggs when I was in the States... and now I eat them quite frequently. I do eat them with mayonaise (it's a Georgian thing) and tkemali/ketchup... so it helps mask the egginess. This is so strange. I'm realizing that one of my staple foods is something that I actually don't even like that much on it's own. Weird. Maybe not so.

MUSIC.

Just some new-to-me music that I like so far. I haven't had a lot of time to listen to them intensely, but what I've been listening to-- I like.

Sandra McCraken- The Builder and The Architect
Brian and Jenn Johnson- We Believe
John Mark McMillan- The Medicine
Grace Williams- Fire Fall
Earth, Wind & Fire- Greatest Hits

protests - panduris - psalms

It's a cold Easter morning here in Tbilisi. Well, actually it's only Easter morning if you have a Western mindset. Because actually in Georgia (and I think all of orthodox Eastern Europe) they celebrate Easter next weekend.

Nothing has really been happening with the protests-- they are still protesting, but it hasn't become violent or invaded all of Tbilisi. It's mostly centered downtown around the parliament building. But they have stated that they're going to start blocking main roads and such, I just haven't seen it/experienced it yet.

"...the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose HOPE is in His unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in HOPE for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even AS WE PUT OUR HOPE IN YOU." Psalm 33:18-22

"The LORD reigns forever; He has established His throne for judgement. He will judge the world in righteousness; He will govern the peoples with justice. The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, FOR YOU, LORD, HAVE NEVER FORSAKEN THOSE WHO SEEK YOU." Psalm 9:7-10

Some good news, I will have my extended visa/"resident card" on Monday! It was a little hard to track it down at first, but thanks to Georgia's relationship-based culture and my super helpful landlady who works for the government-- I found the right office and made the next step in my application process, and will be able to pick it up on Monday. Phew... the only slightly less exciting news is that it's only for one year (I was thinking it could be for more because it's the second time I've applied)... but one year is better than none, especially when you're already "illegal" because the 3 month visa stamp in your passport has run out...

Also good news, I received MY panduri yesterday! It's handmade and beautiful. I will allow you to share in the beauty as soon as I have a chance to take some pictures. PLUS, I'm learning some more songs!

I love Georgia.

some hopefully accurate thoughts

What to say, what to say?

There are protests happening in Georgia now, against the president. People say he's to blame for the war and they want him to resign. All that I am able to see is what the media portrays-- but still I find in my heart that I have like compassion, or something, for Saakashvili and his family. He's like one normal man leading a whole (not entirely stable) nation-- that once was for him, and now is against him. I can totally picture that he's laying awake in bed thinking how he got into this situation, rifling through all the feelings (and hatred stirred up by these feelings) of rejection, wishing that he could be just a normal person living happily and anonymously with his family.

We are so hard on our leaders-- whether it's the president, or our boss, or our pastor... We all think that we know better, that we can do better. We blame them for anything that goes wrong. We expect perfection. But we forget that these leaders are people just like us. Are we perfect? No. Do we make mistakes? Yes (if we're humble enough to admit it). I can totally say that I am experiencing a sort of "karma" effect in this area. I can be critical of the leaders in my life too, in the past more so then now... but still it comes out every so often. But now that I am a leader, I feel the other side of it. What it feels like when people are critical of you or disrespectful, etc. And it is so not easy.

I know that I would not feel capable to be the president of any country, no matter how small or large or developed or unstable. And I feel like it would really help us to put ourselves in their situation (not just the glory of it--"oh, I'm the PRESIDENT!!!" , but the real situation--"I'm responsible for a nation of 4.5 million+ people...").

I know that with the situation in Georgia, many people are upset about the lack of work and the displacement of refugees and such. But seriously, the economy now is better than it's ever been--more stable and growing. People are upset that things are so expensive... but things are more expensive all over the world. It's how it's supposed to work. At the same time I really hear the cry of the people living in poverty and I'm by no means saying that they don't have a difficult time-- but I feel like people are only seeing the bad while ignoring the good, and that they are not patient enough to wait for "fruit" to be produced...

But I want to bless the Georgian government, even the opposition parties and their leaders, the poor and the rich, the displaced and the homeless... and say that we are all people with God-given hearts and we stand on the same level before Him. And I pray that our Father God, would bless those who live righteously before Him (with pure hearts and clean hands). And that the work of their hands and the words from their mouths be blessed and prosperous! To bring glory to His name.

I really love Georgia-- not just the actual physical land, but the culture and the vibrancy of the people-- and I will stand here with "her" as long as I am allowed! (which hopefully will be long-- but I still haven't received my resident card yet + my 3 month visa is already finished + with all this political unrest, I have no idea if I the system for giving visas will be working normally...! )

So, Georgia-- I love you and am with you. And leaders (including ones I know personally and people like Saakashvili)-- I respect your position and I understand that it's not easy. And God, please shine Your light in the dark places and champion the righteous.

this is a good post

Oh my goodness! I feel like I just don't have enough time for all the things that I need to do... even shower and sleep! I know that in general I have pretty laid-back work, but I'm feeling a little stressed right now.

This last week I wasn't in lectures for the last 3 days. Partly because they were in another place quite a ways away + I had already been in that teaching (although it would not have hurt me to hear it again.. it was about working with traumatized children)... but also because I was trying to figure out my visa stuff (it's still not ready, not sure what's happening.. ) and I was sick too (am still...)... so maybe I feel stressed now because I got used to not being in lectures and such....

But anyways, good news... Spring is coming!!!

And also, this weekend I began learning how to play the panduri, it's a Georgian instrument! Check out the video to see!

And I like it SO much! It's been my dream to learn, and now it's beginning to be fulfilled!

Also today we (Dennis, Diana, me and our teacher for the week) went to this super small village, Khikhani. There are somewhere around 150-300 people. Generally Muslim population. They've been moved there by the Georgian government from the Adjara region (which is way on the other side of Georgia). In this village there's not much to do and it's out in the middle of nowhere. Anyways, the reason we were there is because one of the girls that we met on our outreach in Khulo (when I was a DTS student forever ago) moved there like 2 months ago. Diana ran into this girl at the Vagzal/Bazaar (which is a huge place and not so easy to run into people) and hadn't seen her since we were on outreach there... and we just thought it was very coincidental... so we were checking it all out as a potential location for this school's outreach.

Diana and I with Darina (on my right in black shirt) and her family.

Anyways, we still don't know for sure what will happen... but we are praying and seeking.

Our students are lovely (as usual). I've been tired + feeling a lack of inspiration and energy-- but am realizing that God has all the inspiration and energy I need... but I need to seek after Him. So, I'm beginning to learn more what that means. And at the same time am learning what it means to trust His love and acceptance when I'm doing nothing (especially nothing "spiritual"). And that love and acceptance causes me to want to be more pleasing to Him. It's an interesting and beautiful thing, eh.

On our way to visit Anna's (in black coat on left) church.

Singing in Anna's church.

learning

So, we are in the middle of the 4th week of DTS. It's going really fast, actually. And the newness has kind of worn off and I find myself getting caught up in the "work" instead of putting my heart into it and focusing on Jesus.

For example, last night we were supposed to have a special worship evening. So I was trying to plan, trying to think of a good creative idea, was having a bit of hard time thinking of something that I thought was cool enough. Then I talked to Korinne on the phone to get some more ideas, and she said something like, 'just remember we want to do something to get them to focus on the amazing things God is doing and has done and to be grateful to Him for that...' and I can honestly say, that I had forgotten that purpose in my planning. Like, of course it was in the back of my mind, but I was more concerned about the night and how it looked and went, then about encouraging them to praise God for what He is doing...

Just a small confession. But after that realization, the evening went pretty well. We had some time to reflect on how our lives have changed for the better and on the blessings that we've seen, and we were able to share together and praise God for those things. And also confess before God the areas where we have been ungrateful. Then we had some song-singing time and it was great too, we really had fun. So, I'm grateful for that.

But I'm constantly seeing how I totally cannot be a leader without the wisdom and love and everything that flows out of relationship with God. And I'm really seeing the power of the words, "Lord, I can't do this without You... please, YOU be the leader." And I'm seeing that just work without the Spirit of God involved produces mediocre things. And I want more than mediocre.

And I'm continuing to learn.