Monday, February 09, 2009

now now

I feel like my life is flashing before my eyes. This is said not out of a depressed state. But a reflective one. I was looking at some pictures from my trip to Armenia like almost a year ago, and I feel like it was a million years ago. Actually I feel even a little bit like it didn't even happen. But I know it did. And then I realize that I'm here now. In the situation I'm in. In the place I'm in. And just all of that together produces this feeling that my life is flashing before my eyes.

Which is interesting. Recently God really revealed to me (through reading the Bible and reflecting on my "heart" (like what I think about things, how I'm interpreting situations, responding, etc.) and recent experiences) that I spend way too much time in the "future"--my idea of what the future could end up being like. I have a huge imagination, and so it's very easy for me to intake all of the things that happen around me and output (in my mind) all the possible results of those things. This could otherwise be called as "daydreaming", but I feel like it's more complicated than that.

Anyways, my point is, I've been wasting time and missing so many things by setting my hope and focusing too much of my time and energy into my totally ridiculous idea of what I think could happen. Just even writing that makes me feel more ridiculous.

So now I'm really praying, and really trying to take action to live in the present time. To take in the beautiful (maybe not so beautiful either) things that happen around me-- in short, to use my time well and full, and to not miss things. I want to become more of an observer and an appreciater and a live-life-to-the-fullest-er... which means so much more than what the words appear to say.

Just a little bit of what I'm learning.


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