that would be E-Freight-ah,emphasis on the E

One: I am incredibly incredibly incredibly grateful for my Dad. He helps me with so many things while I'm over here. For example, doing my taxes. It's like taking away millions of degrees of stress for me that he does that. And he's just a great guy in general, really humble and I'm pretty sure he can fix anything (and that's a comforting thought).

Two: I'm also incredibly incredibly incredibly grateful for my Mom. I really feel free to be open and honest with her, and I'm so glad for that. And she cooks really good food. Also, she's funny and fashionable (seriously, when I'm home I "steal" things from her closet).

Three: I'm strangely longing to be in my hometown (Ephrata). Like, SO bad. Not forever, just for a visit. I realized that I didn't really know a lot about it, so I researched some. The population is less than 7,000... the total area is about 10 square miles... it was founded by some horse rancher man and it was named supposedly by a railroad worker who derived the name from the Biblical description of an orchard in the middle of a desert... also, during the settling times (like in the way olden days), it was not looked at as good settling territory because it's a semi-arid desert (this is all according to my friend, Wikipedia). All of these things fill my heart with such like .... almost pride in the fact that I came from this place. I cannot tell you how strange that is. In high school, my biggest desire was to live anywhere but Ephrata. But I guess things change after time.

Anyways, my dear Ephrata (and all of your inhabitants)-- I love you. :-)

And I really wish that I could eat some of my Mom's food right now...

t- t- tagged

At first I thought this would be appropriate as a good 200th post (I'm not sure why or how, but I feel like 200 posts is some kind of milestone in blog-life). But then I decided it would be better as a 201st post. Rachael, "tagged" me. Or in other non-blogging terms, has forced me against my will to complete this survey and post it on my blog. All love and good humor to you, Rachael. :-)

And, I guess it's supposed to be in celebration/honor of the new year... but hey, it's only February... right?

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Go to Armenia, eat cow head dolma, take Georgian dance lessons

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I gave up on the whole new year's resolution thing back in high school sometime. I did (back then) make ones like, "lose 5 pounds"... but then I realized that I never even really made a way to reach my goal, and that the goals weren't my goals anyways... they were totally influenced by the people and popular media around me. So, I quit.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Umm, I'm sure many but since I'm already 2 months into the "new year", I'm having trouble discerning this year's births and last year's births... so I'll just stick with the answer-- yes.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Well, actually many people died... but I can't say any that were very very close to me.

5. What countries did you visit?
Georgia (the country), Armenia, Ukraine, USA

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A stronger dependence on my relationship with God to even live life in general

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 8th, it was the day I found out that there was a war in Georgia (and I was there at the time).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Staying alive?

9. What was your biggest failure?
Selfishness. Pride. Jealousy.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, I had like a million and a half sinus infections.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My Georgian resident card (it's like a one year visa) and my plane tickets to Ukraine and "America".

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
God

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Man

14. Where did most of your money go?
To many different things. But I did begin to rent my very own apartment for the first time in August.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
All the ways that God provided for mine and other's many needs... just being totally amazed and convinced of God's activity.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Your Love is Strong - Jon Foreman

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Definitely happier-- letting go and being freed from many character flaws and wrong ways of thinking! And more clearly seeing the hope that is in the future and the joy that is in today!
b) thinner or fatter? Umm.. I think thinner.
c) richer or poorer? Actually, richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Forgiving. Loving. Giving. Trusting. Believing. Seeing each moment as valuable and taking opportunities/risks more. Felt free to be free.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being insecure and leech-like.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my FAMILY in "America"!!!

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
In many ways and forms.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
House. I wish that I could watch it here!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I do my best not to let things grow into hate in my heart. But I can't really think of anyone that I'd be tempted to very seriously hate.

24. What was the best book you read?
I read through the Chronicles of Narnia (all of them) for the first time. It was very close to being a spiritual journey for me and my imagination was totally overjoyed (I seem to spend so much time now reading "teaching" or "informative" books... but it was so nice to read a fairytale... a very well written one!)

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jon Foreman and Lori Chaffer, hands down.

26. What did you want and get?
A new mobile phone

27. What did you want and not get?
A husband

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Honestly, the only movies that really come to my mind are I Am Legend and Transformers. But I can't say either of those are films and I can't say either of them are my "favorites". But I really can't think of what else I saw that was like really monumental.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 22 and I was in a village (Gonio) that's like right on the Black Sea in Georgia. We were having our last weeks of DTS outreach. My friends made a party for me and cooked a lot of tasty food. The lady who owned the house we were staying at, did my hair and put makeup on me. And later at night we walked downtown in Batumi and went on the ferris wheel. It was a pretty great birthday.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I cannot say. It was satisfying because I made it through and came out a little more wise.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Umm... "try to be as Georgian as possible".

32. What kept you sane?
People and I'm sure God (even if it I wasn't always going to Him and asking Him to help keep me sane, I'm sure He did many things to ensure that... I know that sounds crazy, but I believe it.).

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
...none?

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Umm, I'm not sure. There are too many spheres of political issues (different countries and such) that I am non-actively involved in... and also, my political views are not all that informed. But I guess you could say that I didn't really like that Russians and Georgians were shooting and bombing each other.

35. Who did you miss?
Well, being in Georgia, I missed a lot of people in "America".

36. Who was the best new person you met?
There were many "best" new people.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
God is bigger than religion.
People are people (and that's incredibly beautiful).
Let little things go and freedom will be found.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"...so why do I worry, why do I freak out, God knows what I need..."
Jon Foreman- Your Love is Strong

two-two-200

Well, this is my 200th post. Ta-da!

i am a so-so-solar panel

Sometimes I feel like a solar panel. If there is a lot of sunlight, I feel energized and excited about life. If there is a lack of sunshine, I feel quite less excited and energized. I observed this in my character this morning.

Also, right now I'm incredibly sick, along with I think half of the world's population (" _____ is sick/dying/ill beyond description" seems to be a common status update on Facebook these days). I'm trying to stay in bed as much as I can today. It's funny how hard it is... I'm like always feeling like I need to do this, or use my free day in a different way. But when I have like a full work day, I'm so eager to not work and stay in bed. Yesterday I was going to try to stay in bed too, but it definitely didn't happen. I had a great day though [recorded new song, went to church, made biscuits and gravy with my friend Amanda and then watched Pride & Prejudice (the new version)]-- but I think it definitely increased my sickness-ness.

I used to watch The Magic School Bus when I was a kiddo, and I even had some of the books... and I remember one episode, where it was talking about how sickness works. And if I remember right, the stuff that runs out of your nose is like dead white blood cells. Again, I am totally willing to be corrected here. But if that is true, then there is some serious carnage happening inside of my face today.

NEW SONG

Wrote a new song last night, recorded it today. To listen, you can go HERE to my myspace page, it will be the first song that plays.

Here are the lyrics:

I can't say I own you
And I don't claim to control you
Yet you are mine

I can't say I know you
But I can say I know you
At the very same time

And I'm different than I was
But you're still the same
I'll be different than I am
But you'll remain

Chorus:
You are, I am
Once divided, now together
Divinity and man
You are the truth I seek
You are the one who sets me free
Once divided, now together
You and me

I can't say I've touched you
But I can say I've felt you
Through loving hands

I can say you love me
And I can say I love you
But it's more than that

You're bigger than you were
Or maybe I was blind
But now you're opening up my eyes
You're opening up my eyes

re-re-responsibility

I have a new title fettish.

We're in the last planning stages for DTS. Actually they feel like the first planning stages, but literally they are the last (we got started a little late on things this year...)! But things are coming along. A month ago we didn't have any students, now we have at least 4 maybe 7. So that's definitely a good change. And our staff has increased from 6 to 9. So things are going quite well actually.

(DTS, by the way is short for Discipleship Training School. It's a program in the organization I work with... if you have no idea what I'm talking about and/or want to get more information, click HERE... no, just kidding. Click here.)

So, today we kind of divided up the responsibilities that running a DTS entails. I've got mine: worship and outreach preparation (and scheduling our weekly outreach locations). I think the worship one is understandable, and the outreach preparation is just getting the students ready to serve in different settings (working with street kids, preparing like testimonies/preachings, and also to kind of prep them for the big outreach at the end of lecture phase).

Anyways, I'm like totally excited about the possibilities of great things that could happen in both of these things I'm responsible for. But I also feel totally like really unable. I realize that I have this problem: I love to have ideas and think of new things, but I struggle so much to bring them into being/action. I think it's partly due to being easily distracted (it can be hard for me to work on one thing for a long time if I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing) and also partly due to laziness (maybe I see that it will take a lot to do what I want, and so I just kind of am lazy and... don't do it).

But none of that is too big or horrible for God to overcome in my character.
And I believe it to be true that God's strength is made perfect in our weakness... and it's my hope that this situation can be a living example of that!

For shizzle.

r-r-random

I got my hair cut quite short the other day-- I like it. But it donned on me this morning as I was looking in the mirror, that it quite resembles some stylish British boy band hair cut. But I like that it's short. I feel freeeeeeee.

I have a cold and my nose is super plugged (though on the pathway to betterness). I'm tempted to be irritated. But I make a comparison-- LAST WINTER: 5 months of misery with sinus infections and zillions of medicines. THIS WINTER: Glorious health sprinkled with the occasional nose issue here and there. And I deny the temptation to be annoyed, try to get some sleep and go on with my life with joy and thankfulness.

Lastly, somehow my neighbors upstairs have morphed from normal, quiet people into annoying cyborgs with insanely loud voices & TVs & friends who do things like drag furniture back and forth in the same spot directly above my head in the middle of the night. I'm trying to be patient. But thankfully, I have these in-canal ear plugs that are amazing in the fact that they can produce the illusion of solitude and peace when there is, in fact, none. It's helpful. :-)

village

This weekend I went with my friend Diana to visit her grandpa in his village. Here are some photos.

now now

I feel like my life is flashing before my eyes. This is said not out of a depressed state. But a reflective one. I was looking at some pictures from my trip to Armenia like almost a year ago, and I feel like it was a million years ago. Actually I feel even a little bit like it didn't even happen. But I know it did. And then I realize that I'm here now. In the situation I'm in. In the place I'm in. And just all of that together produces this feeling that my life is flashing before my eyes.

Which is interesting. Recently God really revealed to me (through reading the Bible and reflecting on my "heart" (like what I think about things, how I'm interpreting situations, responding, etc.) and recent experiences) that I spend way too much time in the "future"--my idea of what the future could end up being like. I have a huge imagination, and so it's very easy for me to intake all of the things that happen around me and output (in my mind) all the possible results of those things. This could otherwise be called as "daydreaming", but I feel like it's more complicated than that.

Anyways, my point is, I've been wasting time and missing so many things by setting my hope and focusing too much of my time and energy into my totally ridiculous idea of what I think could happen. Just even writing that makes me feel more ridiculous.

So now I'm really praying, and really trying to take action to live in the present time. To take in the beautiful (maybe not so beautiful either) things that happen around me-- in short, to use my time well and full, and to not miss things. I want to become more of an observer and an appreciater and a live-life-to-the-fullest-er... which means so much more than what the words appear to say.

Just a little bit of what I'm learning.