holding on

So, the other day when I was nannying, Morgan (see photo) and I encountered a problem. She was sitting on a stool at the table and had just finished eating ("All done!") and so I told her to wait there, so I could wipe her hands and face. She decided that she didn't want to wait, so she started to stand up. I told her to sit down, and she wouldn't. So I SAT her down, and she stood up again and kept saying, "Up! Up!" and I told her that I will pick her up WHEN she sits down...and it began.

She ended up screaming for like 25 minutes while I was holding her saying, "Morgan, if you stop crying I'll put you down. Morgan, I still love you. Morgan, if you stop crying you can have your blankie." She was just upset that she didn't get her way, and I knew that if I let her get away with it, all respect she had for me as an authority would be lost. If I let her get away with it, she would lose trust in me because she would think that she has more power than I can handle. So, I endured. And you know, God really spoke to me through that.

"If you sit down I'll pick you up."

And also the fact that Morgan was screaming. And struggling to loosen my grasp. She tried to bite my shoulder a little bit...she was SO angry that I wouldn't let her have her way (of disobedience), but I didn't let her go. And I saw that sometimes I am so like that with God. I throw my temper tantrum because He doesn't let me have what I want (and often what I want is not what is best), but He doesn't let me go. OR sometimes I'm just tired and cranky and I throw a fit, but He holds on. And whispers, "I love you, Jenni."

And maybe that sounds crazy or emotional or dramatic or something, but it really gave me a clearer understanding of Him.

"if you sit down, i'll pick you up"