I'm having a really hard time with the lack of settled-ness and/or consistency in my life. It's like no matter where I am, I'm missing something somewhere else, in another part of the state, in another part of the world. And I have so much in each place, and I feel so divided.
For a while when I came back to the States, it was like I was living in this beautiful enchanted world, and I was really so happy. But then the lack of permanent started to really bother me, and now it is really bothering me. And I don't want to lose my joy or hope or gentleness or love because of this, but I really feel like some of it is slipping.
And you know, I know that by choosing to follow God I gave up that right to be comfortable and permanent. And I know that God is permanent, but it's just hard having situations constantly morphing around you.
But, the funny thing is...if my life was constant and "normal", I'd probably be complaining too.
Oh, I feel fickle.
For a while when I came back to the States, it was like I was living in this beautiful enchanted world, and I was really so happy. But then the lack of permanent started to really bother me, and now it is really bothering me. And I don't want to lose my joy or hope or gentleness or love because of this, but I really feel like some of it is slipping.
And you know, I know that by choosing to follow God I gave up that right to be comfortable and permanent. And I know that God is permanent, but it's just hard having situations constantly morphing around you.
But, the funny thing is...if my life was constant and "normal", I'd probably be complaining too.
Oh, I feel fickle.
1 comment:
jenni, i was reading old emails and ran across one that you sent me awhile ago and you left your blog url on it. and so i visited your blog site and read some of your blogs and realized how refreshing it is to hear someone write with so little reservation about their relationship with God, the world, and other people. i'm glad that i came across that email. jenni, we MUST catch up sometime. i have no idea where you are, what you're doing and all that. and i'm sure you know nothing of me as well. but i will say that God is doing wonderful things in my life, and i'm learning to trust him more and more each day, and your blogs have inspired me to live more focused on Him than i do. thank you for you life and your example of faithfulness.
an old friend,
kyle mills
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