why I like winter

I was sick yesterday. I think it was the first time since my DTS outreach in Khulo, that I've stayed in bed sick. It was, although unenjoyable being sick, quite enjoyable resting. I didn't know I could sleep so much. I was in bed most of the day, and then I went to sleep at 1am, and slept absolutely solidly until 10am. It was crazy. But good. I'm better today. I think it was some kind of food poisoning or something.

The weather is changing, too soon. Actually, it's been quite unpredictable. A couple weeks ago it was so hard to tell. It would be rainy and cold in the morning, like even until 12ish, and then it would get hot. And now, I've had the hope (unmet) for the last few days that that's what would happen now too. But it's just staying rainy and cold. :-(. I guess there's a time for everything though. So, to counter my depressive outlook on the coming winter weather months I'm going to make a list of all the things (that my mind can come up with now) that I like about this time of year.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT DREARY WINTER WEATHER MONTHS:
•I can wear sweatshirts, and just a lot of layers of clothing in general (which covers up the love handles!)
•Being able to drink hot things (tea, coffee, etc) and enjoy the fact that it makes your insides warm (it's not so enjoyable to make your insides warm in the summertime when your outsides are warm too)
•Scarves. SCARVES. I like them.
•Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years festivals, celebrations, FOOD
•Christmas music (SOME...not all, but I can't deny that I like it a bit)
•The back-to-school feeling (I still have it, man)
•Sitting by a heat-producing source (fire, gas heater, another person) when you've been cold for a prolonged period of time
•How pretty it is when it's snowed overnight and you wake up in the morning and see it before it gets destroyed by cars and people.
•I get to wear my big ug-ish slippers and the various knitted socks that people have given/made for me
•Fudge (although that is only something I get to experience when I'm in America, or when my Mom and Dad very kindly and cool-parent-like send me a package containing fudge during the holidays)
•KNITTING. Oh yeah. It's a new hobby for me, just started last year. I still don't know that much about it, basically only how to go forward (nothing about fixing my mistakes or anything) but I like it SO MUCH.

There you go. So, I'm excited winter is coming. I think it will be grand. :-)

NEW SONG

Hi there! Another new song.

LIFE AS A TREE (inspired by Psalm 1 and this last year in Georgia)

LYRICS:

A seed was gently laid
And now it's changed
Into a tree
And that is me

My roots are going down
Into the ground
Breaking through
Painfully

But life as a tree
Is much more interesting
Than life as a seed
Than life as a seed

I've been planted on
A river's shore
So I'll not thirst
and I'll not wither

And so my fruit will be
Oh so sweet
And lovely
Lovely

My Gardener, He
Is an expert, you see
My Gardener, He
Is an expert, you see

My life has changed drastically
But not suddenly
It's taken time
And it'll take much more

the limit of my imagination

It's so funny. Maybe funny is not the right word, but I mean like, funny: strange-surprising-why-I-didn't-realize-it-then-but-now-totally-cool-and-exciting.

I remember when I was in, I think middle school or maybe early high school (so somewhere between the ages of 13-16ish) and I was at a Christian youth group. And I vaguely remember this feeling that I had that it was just too hard to become a committed Christian. To give everything up and live totally according to God's ways. I thought that meant like social DEATH. I thought I would be so constricted and prohibited and stuffed inside a box labeled, "good Christian"...and become inevitably, miserable.

It wasn't like I was plotting my wickedness, although it may not sound so innocent, but I was really just ignorant. I had the wrong idea of who God was.

This is all coming to my mind now because of what's happening in my relationship with God presently. God really is speaking to me and guiding me in my everyday things, I see that He is relevant and involved in every part of life (not just in church), I see that He cares and that He loves, I see that He created beauty and color and He wants to see it, I see that He is holy and He wants me to be like Him, I see that I can't do it on my own, but I see His helping hand/heart/voice/love that is comforting and encouraging and helps me to change. And I see that world view--the way we see the world and God and everything around and in us--is so incredibly important. And that correcting our world view can change everything, for good.

I've come to a place in my life where I'm really trying to give everything to God and live according to His ways. And I can say that it has not led to social death or to a boxed-up miserable life as a "good Christian", like I thought before-- but I have found so much more than I ever imagined. And I love it.

But don't be fooled, it's not easy. And I'm no champion. But I'm trying and God is being who He is.

parentheses

I'm doing a quick internet run this morning (I still don't have internet at my house, so I have to find other means) before we are off to the Gori-area for 3 days to spend time helping people who were affected by the war!

Here's a video of a new song...not a music video (although I guess it is a music video)...but just the recording I did right after I wrote it, so that I wouldn't forget how it went (and actually I "wrote" some of it while I was recording too)!

These are the lyrics (how they should be, not necessarily exactly how I sing them in the video):

let this be the start, of an outpouring from my heart
that is endless
flowing into words, flying out my mouth
accompanied by music

I never knew if I was a poet
but now I see there is no other way

if I want a song that's beautiful and meaningful
then that's what I need to be
Lord free me from my fear of what people will think
and how they'll critique

bring me to the place the beautiful meadow
where creativity is birthed and grown

I really need to learn how to write without using parentheses (although they are so helpful at times). They really make things visually obscure. :-)

desks

For some reason I have the back-to-school feeling that I used to have when I was in grade-school. Maybe because it's September 1st, it's also 2:22am and I can't sleep, and my friend just let me know that she's getting ready to leave to the airport to fly to Italy to study there for 2 years--I think it's the combination.

I remember I really used to get excited for school though, and it lasted anywhere between a few days to a week to a new desk change (really, I remember there were 2 types of desks...ones that opened on the top, and ones that were just open on the side.. and it really helped, that change of environment, to make things more exciting).

I also remember once, I think I was in 3rd grade and my assigned seat was by this boy I liked. And I don't remember exactly how it all went down, but somehow my friend told him that I liked him and I remember I was so embarrassed that I hid my head inside my top-opening desk. Talk about awkward. I could have asked to use the bathroom pass and left the room, but instead I was sitting right next to him with my head inside my desk... oi mey. But it was very convenient that I had that kind at the time--it's a lot harder to hide your head in the open side ones.

Well there you go, a brief glimpse into my past-life.