pre-trip commentary #12

I'm so tired of buying stuff. I mean, I need to...but I just am tired of it.

Also, I am pretty sure that I've worn this pair of jeans for like 4 or 5 days straight because all of my others are packed. I guess I'm like pretty much Georgian now.

I met some Russian people today. One in Walmart-I told her I was going to Georgia and she goes "for a mission?" and of course I said yes. And then a family in Macy's- I told them I was going to Georgia and they said "for a mission?" and of course I said yes (again). It's so weird. People usually don't guess that right away, but they did this time.

Hmm.

pre-trip commentary #11

I don't know if you've noticed, but I seem to post more frequently as it gets closer to Tuesday. I'd say it's because I'm more eager, but I honestly think it's because I have more to procrastinate in doing (like, pack up my life for the past 2 years).

So, the other day I was thinking about why God made my life go the way He did. I wasn't questioning His authority or His plan (how He worked stuff out) but I just realized that I like never asked Him why my mom had to die, or why nearly all of my family had to die (birth family). And this is what I got.

Lord, I don't know why life has been this way. It's been hard, yes it hurts and I've cried many tears of pain. But Jesus You know, why life has been this way. You see all of my hurts and You heal them and take my shame. So, even though I don't know, I will follow You. I might tremble with fear, but I'll cling to You. You have proven Yourself to be faithful. So Lord I'll take up my cross, and follow You.

Not necessarily the answer I was looking for, but that is okay.

Packing is becoming a little more successful mostly because of the ingenious ideas of my family (the Shreves). I decided a few days ago that I was going to just pay $50 and take an extra bag (I'm taking stuff to some people in Georgia and I want to take books and stuff that I'll probably leave there) just a small duffel bag. But then they suggested that I take a big one. And I was like, "GREAT idea". So, now I'm taking a big one => more room to pack stuff => better use of $50.

I also found out today that my parents aren't going to be able to take me to the airport. I have people that are now, but it's just not the same. I was really looking forward to them coming so that I can say an official goodbye, but now I won't get to. And I'm especially sad because I didn't even get to give my mom a hug when I left last weekend (from visiting them) because she had the flu and was like WAY sick. It's so hard. I've cried a lot. Not just about this, but about leaving like everyone. You know that story in the Bible where Jesus calls the disciples to leave their nets and follow Him and they do? I feel sort of like that, but I'm not necessarily doing the "do" very willingly. I mean, I am in a sense, but I long to be with all of these people in my life like forever.

But at the same time I want to serve God, no matter where He takes me. Whether it's overseas, or in America or wherever.

I can't believe I just said that.

pre-trip commentary #10

armenia?

pre-trip commentary #9

Today I took one of my Indonesian friends, Vemi, to the airport to pick up her parents. It was so like exciting to be there, knowing that I leave so soon. It was also good because I got to see where I'm going to check in (so I like know and stuff) and I was able to ask a few questions that I had. Time is seriously flying by.

I've been like 'practice packing', and today I actually got almost everything in there. It was pretty amazing, but like I said, ALMOST. But, the Pidgeons are going to give me some of those suction bag things, at least I think so. I have some, but as soon as I squeeze the air out of them, it miraculously (or annoyingly) starts to come back into the back. I have like 2 that actually work.

I feel sort of ridiculous. I ordered these shoes that were pretty (like, really) expensive for my trip. They're black and they're supposed to be like really good for your feet. But, I had this idea that they'd be like the perfect shoes and they're so not. I mean, I really like them, but they're the clog-type ones (which is good since I have to take my shoes off everywhere I go in Georgia) but they're kind of slippery (like don't stay on my feet super well) and they feel a little too big, not too much, but just enough that I can tell. I probably could have used a half-size smaller, but they don't/didn't have it. I'm not meaning to complain, but I think it's almost humorous, this situation. I wanted these shoes so bad, and I think subconciously I thought that life just would not keep on going if I didn't get them. And God knew that, so I think He (out of humor probably, and to show me something) helped me to see that they're definetely not perfect. Maybe as a reminder that the things of the world really won't satisfy like we want them too. There will always be something wrong or we'll always want something 'better'. It's sad that I had to spend so much money to learn the lesson (or at least begin to learn), but oh well. I mean, even though they're not perfect at least I have some good shoes. I just pray that God will make them still work and be okay for me!

Anyway, enough about shoes.

pre-trip commentary #8

I spent 4 days home in Ephrata, visiting my parents and shopping for some stuff for my trip. It's so strange to think that I won't be there for 9 months +. I don't know, this was the first time I visited since Christmas, so 6 months. But I always had the opportunity. When I'm in Georgia, I can't just be like "Oh, I think I'm going to go to Ephrata to visit my parents today." You know, it's strange. When I was in high school I seriously wanted nothing more than to get out of the house, to leave to a far-off land, and I didn't care all that much about seeing my parents. But now, I'm like really attached. We don't always get along, there are still some struggles, but I really do love them so much. That's something God has really done in my heart too, develop this real true love for them. I am going to miss my mom and dad a lot.

Another thing that was really weird was leaving today. I said goodbye to my Aunt Tootie (she's actually my mom's aunt, so like my great-aunt, but we still call her aunt. Get it?) and told her that I wouldn't be home for at least 9 months. She said, "I hope I'm still around when you get back" and I didn't think about it, but it really is totally a possibility that she could pass away. She's really old and frail and not in good health. We're not really close or anything, but it just hit me as I was driving away that I don't know if she knows Jesus. I haven't taken the time to sit down and talk to her about it. Part of me is afraid to, just because she's seen me in some of my worst times and I don't know how she'll react, and part of my just doesn't want to make the effort (I know, it's totally ridiculous). But that is all so not okay. I mean, I'm like going around the world to go share Jesus with people in Georgia, but yet there are people in my own family that I haven't shared with. What is that all about? I think I might write her a letter.

So, I am actually getting like uber excited to go. And the fact that I'm excited makes me excited. I've been so bogged down with details and worry that I've almost just not wanted to go, but now I'm like adrenaline pumping ready to go. I know I'll still cry and miss people and stuff, but at least I'm excited now.

I've started packing, sort of. You know, I praise God for this, but I'm really not too worried about things not fitting into my suitcase. I should be totally freaking out, but I just have peace that it will all work out, and I know it will. Which, is also a very exciting thing.

Dude, 8 days.

pre-trip commentary #7

I seriously had the most awesomest birthday today! There were so many people there and so much encouragement and love. I was like way over-stimulated though...there was so much going on! But it was really awesome. I can't believe I'm actually 20 now. Woah.

MY LITTLE NEIGHBOR JOHN AND I AND MY CAKE

The only thing I struggle with a little bit is I feel like I should have been so much more grateful for this day. Like, I should have spent more time with God (alone, not just at church) thanking Him for how He has enabled me to live this long and for the purpose that He has given me. I mean, it really is amazing to think of all the things that are happening and how it's going so smoothly. For example, I have almost all of my money, the church (Canyon Hills) called ME and asked if they could pray for me on Sunday (and they did, in front of church, both services), I was able to buy my plane tickets at a much cheaper price than expected, they got here in the mail smoothly, things are working out with my stuff (for example, the Shreve's are going to use my car while I'm gone, I'm able to leave my things at their house, etc.). It's so unbelievable.

I was talking to Sue about all of this on Friday and I was saying that in a way, I'm almost worried that something really bad is going to happen or something...because things are just going so well! I mean, I have definetely been having my spiritual battles, but I though that there would be a lot more complications. And she told me, "Just praise Him, Jenni." And I was like, OH YEAH. I was so caught up in my unbelief that I forgot to tell Him thank you for His immense blessing.

Like, I am so in denial right now. I can hardly believe that I leave in 16 days. And I really don't think it will hit me until I'm actually on the plane. I just have such a hard time grasping the concept that God chose me. I mean, I most definetely did not propel myself into this opportunity by anything I've done. It's only by God's mercy. I just really don't want to fail Him.

PSALM 97
"The Lord reigns, let the earth be rejoice; let the many coastlands be glad! Clouds and thick darkness are all around him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne. Fire goes before him and burns up his adversaries all around. His lightnings light up the world; the earth sees and trembles. The mountains melt like wax before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth. The heavens proclaim his righteousness, and all the peoples see his glory. All worshippers of images are put to shame, who make their boast in worthless idols; worship him, all you gods! Zion hears and is glad, and the daughters of Judah rejoice, because of your judgements, O Lord. For you, O Lord, are most high over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods. O you who love the Lord, hate evil! He preserves the lives of his saints; he delivers them from the hand of the wicked. Light is sown for the righteous, and joy for the upright in heart. Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to his holy name!"