So, we're leaving for outreach tomorrow!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
processing my thoughts outloud
It's so easy to start to talk about something, like in a song.
"Just like these chords
They have been played a million times or more
And so we live day after day
Rising at dawn
Falling at night
Always wanting more
That's how we live day after day.
But I'm feeling tired
With the mundane
I don't want to be
Floating around
Day after day
I want to live for something big
A worthy goal and prize
Even if it takes my life
......" And then, I have no idea what to say. I don't know how to resolve the previous "conflict" or question in lyrical form.
And the fact that I draw a blank in that part frightens me a little bit. It makes me aware of my disconnection from reality. Either that, or I'm just held captive to guilt and shame and can't see the truth that is shining over me.
Today was a bit rough for many reasons that don't really need to be listed-- but it all tempted me into self-pity and I agreed. It was so strange too. There I was, wallowing around a bit, feeling my way around, looking for some comfort. At first it worked a little. But then I realized that I was just more empty and increasingly upset and self-piteous. And I thought, "wow". It's kind of like looking through a garbage dump in the middle of summer for food that you could eat without dying or getting incredibly sick. Just not very good odds for success.
So, I'd like to get out of the garbage dump now. Lord, please --
"Just like these chords
They have been played a million times or more
And so we live day after day
Rising at dawn
Falling at night
Always wanting more
That's how we live day after day.
But I'm feeling tired
With the mundane
I don't want to be
Floating around
Day after day
I want to live for something big
A worthy goal and prize
Even if it takes my life
......" And then, I have no idea what to say. I don't know how to resolve the previous "conflict" or question in lyrical form.
And the fact that I draw a blank in that part frightens me a little bit. It makes me aware of my disconnection from reality. Either that, or I'm just held captive to guilt and shame and can't see the truth that is shining over me.
Today was a bit rough for many reasons that don't really need to be listed-- but it all tempted me into self-pity and I agreed. It was so strange too. There I was, wallowing around a bit, feeling my way around, looking for some comfort. At first it worked a little. But then I realized that I was just more empty and increasingly upset and self-piteous. And I thought, "wow". It's kind of like looking through a garbage dump in the middle of summer for food that you could eat without dying or getting incredibly sick. Just not very good odds for success.
So, I'd like to get out of the garbage dump now. Lord, please --
Sunday, May 17, 2009
everything is possible for those who believe
We are leaving for outreach in a week and I'm thinking like, "This is impossible"...
One small Muslim village. Nine incredibly unique people. Six weeks.
But I believe that in Christ all those things that seem impossible, or that literally are in our physical world, are transformed to POSSIBLE.
So that's the promise I'm trying to feed off of now.
I've been listening to a lot of Bill Johnson's teachings, and it's really interesting. So much to take in and apply. And I'm excited about it. A little overwhelmed, but excited nonetheless.
The weather in Tbilisi has changed from Winter to HOT. And as much as I despise the death-like feeling of sitting in a crowded, stuffy marshutka on the sunny side with the plastic bags I'm holding sticking to my skin-- there's always the metro. Underground= cool (as in cold).
And a little side note to report my integration, or pursuit to become a pseudo-Georgian: I bought milk from the village lady and boiled it properly, then dispersed it into glass jars for later consumption. A small feat, but with outstanding rewards. Even Marina was surprised (she's usually the one who does it). :-)
One small Muslim village. Nine incredibly unique people. Six weeks.
But I believe that in Christ all those things that seem impossible, or that literally are in our physical world, are transformed to POSSIBLE.
So that's the promise I'm trying to feed off of now.
I've been listening to a lot of Bill Johnson's teachings, and it's really interesting. So much to take in and apply. And I'm excited about it. A little overwhelmed, but excited nonetheless.
The weather in Tbilisi has changed from Winter to HOT. And as much as I despise the death-like feeling of sitting in a crowded, stuffy marshutka on the sunny side with the plastic bags I'm holding sticking to my skin-- there's always the metro. Underground= cool (as in cold).
And a little side note to report my integration, or pursuit to become a pseudo-Georgian: I bought milk from the village lady and boiled it properly, then dispersed it into glass jars for later consumption. A small feat, but with outstanding rewards. Even Marina was surprised (she's usually the one who does it). :-)
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
time-management
I'm such a ridiculous (and normal) person: these days I don't have a lot of time outside of DTS (Discipleship Training School... if you don't know what I'm talking about, look here) and I come home and spend FOUR HOURS on the computer. Of course I was doing various useful things. Watching Happy Slip videos, learning how to play "Unchained Melody" on the guitar for Tony & Lali's wedding, checking out the Facebook idol competitors and making top 5 lists on Facebook too, feeling guilty for wasting so much time on something that is so not satisfying in the end AND STILL continuing on... for example, like NOW.
4:25:30. I'm grateful for my little time counter thing in my Firefox browser. And at the same time a little put-off by it's truth.
Think of how many things I could have done in that time...
• Paint a picture
• Organize my external harddrive (that is computer related too... but is actually work needing to be done)
• Go to BED
• Read a book or two
• Sweep/Mop my bedroom and if feeling ambitious, entire apartment
• Plan some cool activity for our DTS students
• Take out my summer clothes and pack away my really wintery ones
• Put clothes in the washing machine
• Paint my nails
• Eat some matsoni
• Play panduri
• The list is probably endless....
Lord, please teach me time-management skills.
4:25:30. I'm grateful for my little time counter thing in my Firefox browser. And at the same time a little put-off by it's truth.
Think of how many things I could have done in that time...
• Paint a picture
• Organize my external harddrive (that is computer related too... but is actually work needing to be done)
• Go to BED
• Read a book or two
• Sweep/Mop my bedroom and if feeling ambitious, entire apartment
• Plan some cool activity for our DTS students
• Take out my summer clothes and pack away my really wintery ones
• Put clothes in the washing machine
• Paint my nails
• Eat some matsoni
• Play panduri
• The list is probably endless....
Lord, please teach me time-management skills.
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