belonging

I feel so isolated. I was just hanging out on myspace and seeing peoples lives (from what you can really see on the internet) and I really feel disconnected. Not just from their lives, but from America in general. I have no idea what's happening. And I'm not sure if that really bothers me or not.

I just feel a little homeless. I feel pretty comfortable in Georgia, but not totally. And the thought that I'm beginning to feel like America isn't my home is kind of discontenting too. Where do I belong?

I'm not totally Georgian: I can't speak the language, people can still spot me as a foreigner, I don't always understand the way to do things. And I feel like I'm not totally American either: I can't speak English properly including articles and everything, I'm totally out of the "pop culture" or whatever is popular now...I have no idea, and I've a newly learned way of doing things with is sometimes different than the way I used to do things.

I just feel funny.

Judgement's Distance

It seems like the distance/time between my judgment of someone, and the realization that I am guilty of the same or similar thing, is constantly becoming shorter and smaller. And I am so amazed by this near certainty. Like, the other day, I was upset with someone and so I was having one of those conversations where you are talking to the person, but not really. Like, a "mind conversation" where you can say whatever you want, whether it's right or not. Do you know what I'm talking about? Anyways, it went something like this:

"You're SO selfish!! You can't just come and take MY things and use them without asking! It's so selfish of..."

"...me. Oh my goodness."

Do you see my point?

i can't even think of a good post title

Oy mey guys, the thought of sitting down and actually writing a blog post is nearly torturous to me... my brain is so full of thoughts, ideas, experiences, etc... and for some reason I've really lost the ability to just be free and write about what's happening in my life, really.

(That was a really long first sentence.)

In a lot of things, I feel more free than before, but for some reason I feel less free in this: communicating via blog, email, phone, etc. Really, it's like... horrible. I don't know if maybe it's the pressure of being a "real missionary" now, or if it's just me "growing up a little" and my focus is on other things. But whatever it is, I really don't like it. I like feeling free to write and to communicate in a real way, not with pretense.