pre-trip commentary #6

This morning I totally remembered something that happened when we were in Georgia (in April 2005) that I had forgotten about. It was pretty funny:

So, we were in Kutaisi at Pastor Zaal's parents house. We had just done an outdoors "concert" and like a ton of the neighbor kids came and were all excited because there were Americans (us) there and everything. Anyway, I had met Pastor Zaal's niece, Lika. She was like 13 or something, but she totally knew English. So, I was asking her how to write stuff in Georgian and we bonded and all. Well, later I had to use the restroom. *NOTE: this was before I had ever encountered a "squatty".* So, she took me to the back of the house where there's this little outhouse sort of thing, but it was much cleaner than a real outhouse, and she was asking her dad (I'm pretty sure it was her dad) for the lantern or something to go out there (it was night and yes they had electricity in the house, just not in the bathroom area I guess). So, we got it and she opened the door and I gasped. I'm sure it's not exactly what I said, but I think I told her that I couldn't use that kind of toliet and explained that in America we don't really have those so I was unfamiliar with it and everything. But then she had to like tell her dad something because she had just asked him for the lantern because I needed to use the restroom, but now I was like "not needing" to use it. So, I was like "Just tell him that I just need to wash my hands." So she did and I washed my hands and my bladder was still full, but I didn't really care. It was so ridiculous. And even though she didn't say anything, I know she thought I was ridiculous too. You know, kind of like dorky-American-in-a-foreign-country-ridiculous.

I did conquer the "squatty" however, later in the trip. And sorry for all the scatological conversation...but it was like a huge deal to me when we were there. Huge deal meaning I was like freaking out.

21 days and counting. Oh geeze.

pre-trip commentary #5

Romans 7:15, 18, 19, 21-25 & 8:1-2

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do NOT want to do--this I keep on doing...So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. THEREFORE, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

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I really am having a hard time. *I'm scared to go--I think mostly because I'm afraid I won't really know anyone anymore when I get back. Like, I won't have their love or something. *I'm so incredibly distracted by the world--I don't want to be, I know it's not good for me...but I just cannot seem to beat it. I pray, I repent, I try my best to break the distraction...but it's still there. I don't want to just be complaining though, but I am really struggling. *I don't know what's going to happen there--I think a lot of my anxiety about actually being there is coming from the fact that I haven't been conversing via email with the Holts (my DTS leaders) much lately. They've been really busy with stuff, but because I am not constantly talking to them I feel like more anxious or something.

Like, I totally want to go. I totally want to serve God, even if I don't feel like I do right now--I know that deep down I really do ("For in my inner being I delight in God's law..."). I really believe that God is trying to teach me to trust Him, but I am being so unteachable right now. He will get His point across one way or another, I just wish that I wasn't so defiant (I guess that's the best way to put it).

pre-trip commentary #4

So, I am totally amazed.

I sent out my support letters around like April 7th-ish, and in one month God has brought me over $3000. AND TODAY, I got a phone call from an old friend (like a grownup friend) who said she just sold her house, so she's sending me $1000 next week. WHICH MEANS--I basically only need to raise about $700-$900 more in order to reach my desired goal (which is $5000).

Sorry for all the numbers, but I'm just trying to show you how completely amazing it is. COMPLETELY AMAZING.

But I really want to have a pure and grateful heart about this. Pure meaning I am not just looking for money, but that I'm looking for a means to go and serve Christ with my whole heart. Grateful meaning that every check that I receive, or that is given in my name, knocks me to my knees with praise and thanks to God, who is the cause of all of this: the money, the situation--coming my way.

So, I am absolutely amazed.

"Praise be to the LORD GOD, the GOD of Israel, who alone does marvelous deeds. Praise be to HIS glorious name forever; may the whole earth be filled with HIS glory. Amen and Amen." Psalm 72:18-19

pre-trip commentary #3

Things have been going fairly well. God has been really working on my heart, but in a very discreet way. Meaning like, I'm just seeing how things have changed over a period of time. For example, when I first realized I was going to Georgia (yes, realized) I felt like, "oh I need to buy this" or "oh I want to have this" and so on, but now, it's not so much like that. I mean, there are things that I will need and that I want, but rather than really wanting them (ridiculously much, almost) I'm kind of like, "whateverla"!

It's just really refreshing not being so overly concerned with details so small and rather insignificant.