3weeks

So I went to the nose doctor today. She asked me a couple questions, and then told me to go to this other place to get a bacteria test from the inside of my nose. Then I mentioned that I'd be going to Kiev next week (I'm going for the University of the Nations Workshop) and she was like...

"NO! Don't go!!" I asked why. "Because a power-plant exploded in Leningrad (St. Petersburg) last night and there's radiation!!!"

That was really calming news. But I just tried not to think about it. I'm sure it really did happen (I found a couple things on the internet too), but I'm not sure to what extent. She said Russia was trying to cover up the facts. To be honest, in the back of my mind I wonder if some Russian intelligence spy will read this blog entry because I wrote "Russia" and "power-plant exploded" TWICE. But I really hope it's not too serious of an explosion/leak/problem. I have friends in that city!!!

So, I left that doctor's office and went to this other place where they do "bacteriophage". Something like that. I'll get the results on the 3rd.

I've started packing for Holland / the apartment move that will happen while I'm in Holland. Two things that really amaze me. One: I've been packing for probably a combined total of 10 hours and I feel like I haven't even made a dent in it all. How is that possible??!?! Two: It's really strange how the 2 bags that I brought with me to Georgia for the first time I came to stay in 2006, somehow multiplied to like 10 bags + a desk + a bookshelf+ a million other household things. Seriously. How does that happen??!?!

Also, I have to say I'm feeling the most tested with faith in finances now than I ever have been in my entire life. I'm supposed to leave in 3 weeks. I don't have a plane ticket. I do have $900 pledged. I don't have money to pay my last months rent or the rent for when I'm gone. I don't have money for the school fees. I do have some money saved for my conference registration fee in Kiev... that's good. I can't say that all this lack of money really bothers me so much, I'm so just going about my business preparing for everything, but every once in a while I think and I laugh at myself a little bit. Like, "Jenni... are you crazy? You're preparing to go and you have no money to pay for it?" But then I think that there must be some way and I'm certain I'll see a miracle. Side note: I don't want to say that this is all an excuse for financial irresponsibility. That's not what I'm plugging at all. I just happen to be in a situation where I didn't have a lot of time to plan and I'm riding the waves. But planning is good, and if you can do it especially with money things-- I definitely recommend it!

Just so you know.

Well, I'm going to try to tidy up the mess just a little bit so I can sleep for now. :-)

short

My nose is bad again... so I'm going to go to a new nose-doctor tomorrow and will hopefully find an answer for my chronically congested/infected nose.

I've spent the evening packing (practice-packing) for Holland. Which is funny because I don't even have a plane ticket yet, and I'm supposed to leave in like 3 weeks...!

Also, before I go to Holland, I have to pack up my room so its ready to be moved while I'm away. So, because of it all my room is a complete disaster and I don't have the strength now to tidy it up.

Transition and waiting times are so hard. Seriously.

But they lead to great things.

some BIG news!

I’m going to The Netherlands to receive more training within YWAM! I’ll be attending a 3-month training called, Bible Core Course (BCC). I can say that this is a very different course than I had expected to take… but I believe it’s what God wants for me now!

Why This School? I was on outreach in Rene, and we had just had a staff meeting. We were just sharing with each other our feelings and what had been on our minds, and I shared that I was really wanting to hear from God about my future after this DTS. I’d been looking into YWAM counseling training schools and specifically at one in India… but I just didn’t have complete peace about it, and neither did my base leaders. So, I asked my fellow outreach staff to pray for me that God would just really show me the best direction to go after DTS. They prayed and then just a couple days later, I received a text message from one of my base leaders. She had been searching for opportunities for future training and found a Bible Core Course in the Netherlands… I thought about it and the more I thought the more that I saw that it would really be the most helpful step for me now in ministry. To have a more firm understanding of God’s word and for me to know better how to study the Bible in my personal times with God! So that is how this was all “born”.

What is a Bible Core Course? “The BCC is a 12-week course that will introduce you to the inductive approach of Bible study. The inductive approach means that you let the Bible speak for itself. You practice this by learning to observe what the Bible text actually says, by skills of interpretation and by applying the Word of God to your life. During the 3 months you will read the entire Bible and study in depth at least 14 Bible books, from different forms of literature. The teachings will often be combined with workshops to involve you as an active part of the teachings. There is a lot of variety in the workshops, like drawing, drama, music or group activity. In this way you will be equipped with many tools for integrating the Word into your life.” (www.ywam.nl/heidebeek/bcc/en/)

The course will start on September 23rd and I will return to Tbilisi after the course finishes on December 18th, to continue my ministry with YWAM Tbilisi. I still feel a calling to be in Georgia working with DTS and other ministries-- and even while I’m in The Netherlands at the YWAM Heidebeek base, I’m still considered YWAM Tbilisi staff and will have to do my best to represent our little country and base in a good and true way! :-)

What This Has to Do With You…? -- I NEED YOUR HELP!
The fee for this course is about $ 2850. The airfare is about $ 600. Also, I will still need to rent an apartment in Tbilisi while I’m gone, and that will be about $900. And plus, for travel expenses and for living in The Netherlands (renting a bike-- I hear it will be my main form of transportation!, buying books for school, purchasing health insurance which is required in the Netherlands, etc.) So, Im looking for a total of about $5000 + continued monthly support. I know that this is a lot of money to ask for, especially in our time of “economic-crisis”-- but all I can do is ask you and trust God that He will make it happen! After all, I wasn’t even thinking about this until He brought it up. :-)

Leave me a comment with your email address included if you'd like to help out financially, and I will send you the information you need!

I... I'm...

I'm up late, researching information about The Netherlands.

I ate "Asian Fast Food" last night-- in Georgia, that's next to a miracle.

I bought Second-Hand clothes today, but that's not unusual.

I'm incredibly tired, but filled with excitement for the days to come.

I wish there were more hours in the day and more fire in my heart to be motivated, to do all the things that need to/should be done.

I'm also slightly frustrated that Western Union will not make a Bank-to-Bank transfer from my American account to an account in The Netherlands... WHY???

I'm also wishing that tomorrow was not Saturday, because I'd be able to find answers to a lot of my questions sooner.

I like the fact that it's not super hot this summer, but thinking that it would be nice to have not super hot minus the rain.

I'm wanting to find an emotional balance (instead of being thrown to one side by the excitement of upcoming travels & adventures... then thrown to the other by the question of what to do and how to live my life in the ordinary today).

I'm also wanting to find fulfillment, contentment, peace and wisdom-- from having conversation with my Creator.

I'm also also wanting to be more sure of who I really am and what I really mean and what I really love and value.

I told myself that I'd go to bed by 10:00pm because I was feeling bad, then I began to feel better + started researching some information and then changed my bedtime to 12:00am... so I think I will head in that direction to show myself at least a bit of respect.

pictures

Our 9 person outreach team in Khikhani

"Helping" the neighbors chop wood ("helping"... just long enough to take a photo. I don't seem to have good wood chopping skills...)

Kissing a baby turtle

Helping a grandma prepare wool for a blanket

This grandma is almost a century old

Milking a cow (but I really don't have good cow-milking skills)

Modern transportation

In Rene, at the local village church

In Gori at the kids camp, with my group of girls (that I led in Georgian)

BAAAACCCKKK!!!

Hey you guys, I'm back to Tbilisi and to my lovely Macbook!! I can say for the first like 20 minutes of use, I felt so strange and my Macbook felt so foreign to me! I was amazed at the bright light and the way that the cursor would move when I touches the mouse pad. Seriously. It's been 9 weeks, a little more than 2 months.

This time has been crazy and incredibly good. We spent the first 6 weeks in a small Muslim village in Georgia. The next 2 weeks in an incredibly Protestantized village in Georgia, and then the last week in Gori working with a kids camp (I even led a group of girls completely in Georgian-- it was a pretty big miracle for me!).

Now I'm in Tbilisi, we will start our last week of DTS on Monday and then it's all over. Seriously. 6 months of my life finished in the wink of an eye. It's what it feels like now at least.

Right now I'm seriously exhausted. We came into town, got Vazi sort of set up for us again, then it was off to conflict resolution and heart-sharing for most of the night (so it is with most DTS's and specifically during debrief time)... and now I'm at home and really tired but trying to get caught up on things.

Some things I love about coming home: everything seems 864 times more beautiful, I feel like I have enough clothes and that they are cool, my toliet flushes and my shower operates without a bucket, relationships seem sweeter and it's exciting to function in a new level of Jenni (meaning, some things really changed in me).

Until next time.... I've got a lot of pictures but not a lot of time to go through them and sort them out... but I'll see what I can do.

Sending my love! It's good to be back.

Testing...

It works?

for now....

So, we're leaving for outreach tomorrow!

Please be praying for us! We'll be gone for about 2 1/2 months... and I probably won't be able to post on here during that time.

Thanks for reading and I'll be back soon enough. :-)

Our Outreach Team

processing my thoughts outloud

It's so easy to start to talk about something, like in a song.

"Just like these chords
They have been played a million times or more
And so we live day after day
Rising at dawn
Falling at night
Always wanting more
That's how we live day after day.

But I'm feeling tired
With the mundane
I don't want to be
Floating around
Day after day
I want to live for something big
A worthy goal and prize
Even if it takes my life

......" And then, I have no idea what to say. I don't know how to resolve the previous "conflict" or question in lyrical form.

And the fact that I draw a blank in that part frightens me a little bit. It makes me aware of my disconnection from reality. Either that, or I'm just held captive to guilt and shame and can't see the truth that is shining over me.

Today was a bit rough for many reasons that don't really need to be listed-- but it all tempted me into self-pity and I agreed. It was so strange too. There I was, wallowing around a bit, feeling my way around, looking for some comfort. At first it worked a little. But then I realized that I was just more empty and increasingly upset and self-piteous. And I thought, "wow". It's kind of like looking through a garbage dump in the middle of summer for food that you could eat without dying or getting incredibly sick. Just not very good odds for success.

So, I'd like to get out of the garbage dump now. Lord, please --

everything is possible for those who believe

We are leaving for outreach in a week and I'm thinking like, "This is impossible"...

One small Muslim village. Nine incredibly unique people. Six weeks.

But I believe that in Christ all those things that seem impossible, or that literally are in our physical world, are transformed to POSSIBLE.

So that's the promise I'm trying to feed off of now.

I've been listening to a lot of Bill Johnson's teachings, and it's really interesting. So much to take in and apply. And I'm excited about it. A little overwhelmed, but excited nonetheless.

The weather in Tbilisi has changed from Winter to HOT. And as much as I despise the death-like feeling of sitting in a crowded, stuffy marshutka on the sunny side with the plastic bags I'm holding sticking to my skin-- there's always the metro. Underground= cool (as in cold).

And a little side note to report my integration, or pursuit to become a pseudo-Georgian: I bought milk from the village lady and boiled it properly, then dispersed it into glass jars for later consumption. A small feat, but with outstanding rewards. Even Marina was surprised (she's usually the one who does it). :-)

time-management

I'm such a ridiculous (and normal) person: these days I don't have a lot of time outside of DTS (Discipleship Training School... if you don't know what I'm talking about, look here) and I come home and spend FOUR HOURS on the computer. Of course I was doing various useful things. Watching Happy Slip videos, learning how to play "Unchained Melody" on the guitar for Tony & Lali's wedding, checking out the Facebook idol competitors and making top 5 lists on Facebook too, feeling guilty for wasting so much time on something that is so not satisfying in the end AND STILL continuing on... for example, like NOW.

4:25:30. I'm grateful for my little time counter thing in my Firefox browser. And at the same time a little put-off by it's truth.

Think of how many things I could have done in that time...
• Paint a picture
• Organize my external harddrive (that is computer related too... but is actually work needing to be done)
• Go to BED
• Read a book or two
• Sweep/Mop my bedroom and if feeling ambitious, entire apartment
• Plan some cool activity for our DTS students
• Take out my summer clothes and pack away my really wintery ones
• Put clothes in the washing machine
• Paint my nails
• Eat some matsoni
• Play panduri
• The list is probably endless....

Lord, please teach me time-management skills.

revelation and khinkali

I'm very tired, it's much too late... but I've accomplished much! Newsletter written, emails replied. Very good.

These days I'm really seeing a part of my character that I hadn't seen for a while/thought had maybe gone-- just this intense insecurity and at the same time hunger to get affirmation from the people around me. These things produce horrible "fruit" and it's emotionally hard to work through this time. But I really believe I'm having the chance to see these things now so that I can WORK on them with God (in whatever form that takes, I have no clue as of yet). So, I'm glad to have another character-building opportunity, but I'm reminded that character-building is super painful and quite treacherous-- and totally worthwhile.

I made khinkali this weekend with my friend Diana's mom. It was fun.

Spring, I like you very much

I spent the weekend in Lagodekhi, a village in the Kakheti region of Georgia, with one of our DTS students, Tamila. I had a GREAT time. It was so beautiful and green, there were tons of farm animals and I saw many new things! And it was just awesome. I've got a ton of pictures, but haven't had time to sort through them yet... but I will.

We're going into the 7th week of DTS, just 5 more to go until outreach-- crazy! But I think it really helps having lecture phase during this time, because now it's becoming more Springlike weather and the sun really helps to boost morale. Really. And I think it will be good to have outreach during summer too... less to pack, or at least smaller things to pack (instead of big winter boots and sweaters and jackets-- done that. And worse, winter clothes and spring clothes for Spring outreach...). So, I'm feeling good.

God is great, and that is an understatement. I'm continually amazed these days that He teaches us so much (when we are seeking Him for answers). I mean, He's God, why would He need or care to spend time teaching us Truth? But He does, and it blows my mind. And what blows my mind even more is that He actually likes us and sees that we're valuable and blesses us so much through the creation around us and by making us the people we are with such amazing gifts and talents and beauty. It's really incredible.

I've seen that it's been pretty popular in the "Christian world" to think that everything in this life is meaningless or not important, but I honestly am beginning to think that it's exactly that-- meaningful and important. There are so many beautiful things in this life, and I think that it's really a gift from God. And I'm really seeking to learn how to enjoy it and to pass some of that joy on to others!

food and music

FOOD.

Yesterday I bought a "shaurma". It's like meat shaving (kind of like gyro meat) wrapped in lavash and it's generally quite tasty. Anyways, I bought this shaurma and as I was eating away joyfully, I discovered that one of the meat pieces was actually like animal skin with hair still on it. Take a moment to control your urges to vomit. Sooooo.... I can't believe I'm going to confess this-- I took that piece out and actually continued to eat a little more until I just couldn't stand it anymore, then I threw it on the ground for the stray dogs to eat. Seriously.

Also, I realized that when I'm not at DTS and when Marina is not cooking, I eat a lot of eggs. Probably because they are easy and quick and protein. But then I started to wonder if that's really healthy or not. Seriously though, they are like a staple food for me here. But, interestingly, I really quite despised scrambled eggs when I was in the States... and now I eat them quite frequently. I do eat them with mayonaise (it's a Georgian thing) and tkemali/ketchup... so it helps mask the egginess. This is so strange. I'm realizing that one of my staple foods is something that I actually don't even like that much on it's own. Weird. Maybe not so.

MUSIC.

Just some new-to-me music that I like so far. I haven't had a lot of time to listen to them intensely, but what I've been listening to-- I like.

Sandra McCraken- The Builder and The Architect
Brian and Jenn Johnson- We Believe
John Mark McMillan- The Medicine
Grace Williams- Fire Fall
Earth, Wind & Fire- Greatest Hits

protests - panduris - psalms

It's a cold Easter morning here in Tbilisi. Well, actually it's only Easter morning if you have a Western mindset. Because actually in Georgia (and I think all of orthodox Eastern Europe) they celebrate Easter next weekend.

Nothing has really been happening with the protests-- they are still protesting, but it hasn't become violent or invaded all of Tbilisi. It's mostly centered downtown around the parliament building. But they have stated that they're going to start blocking main roads and such, I just haven't seen it/experienced it yet.

"...the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose HOPE is in His unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in HOPE for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even AS WE PUT OUR HOPE IN YOU." Psalm 33:18-22

"The LORD reigns forever; He has established His throne for judgement. He will judge the world in righteousness; He will govern the peoples with justice. The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, FOR YOU, LORD, HAVE NEVER FORSAKEN THOSE WHO SEEK YOU." Psalm 9:7-10

Some good news, I will have my extended visa/"resident card" on Monday! It was a little hard to track it down at first, but thanks to Georgia's relationship-based culture and my super helpful landlady who works for the government-- I found the right office and made the next step in my application process, and will be able to pick it up on Monday. Phew... the only slightly less exciting news is that it's only for one year (I was thinking it could be for more because it's the second time I've applied)... but one year is better than none, especially when you're already "illegal" because the 3 month visa stamp in your passport has run out...

Also good news, I received MY panduri yesterday! It's handmade and beautiful. I will allow you to share in the beauty as soon as I have a chance to take some pictures. PLUS, I'm learning some more songs!

I love Georgia.

some hopefully accurate thoughts

What to say, what to say?

There are protests happening in Georgia now, against the president. People say he's to blame for the war and they want him to resign. All that I am able to see is what the media portrays-- but still I find in my heart that I have like compassion, or something, for Saakashvili and his family. He's like one normal man leading a whole (not entirely stable) nation-- that once was for him, and now is against him. I can totally picture that he's laying awake in bed thinking how he got into this situation, rifling through all the feelings (and hatred stirred up by these feelings) of rejection, wishing that he could be just a normal person living happily and anonymously with his family.

We are so hard on our leaders-- whether it's the president, or our boss, or our pastor... We all think that we know better, that we can do better. We blame them for anything that goes wrong. We expect perfection. But we forget that these leaders are people just like us. Are we perfect? No. Do we make mistakes? Yes (if we're humble enough to admit it). I can totally say that I am experiencing a sort of "karma" effect in this area. I can be critical of the leaders in my life too, in the past more so then now... but still it comes out every so often. But now that I am a leader, I feel the other side of it. What it feels like when people are critical of you or disrespectful, etc. And it is so not easy.

I know that I would not feel capable to be the president of any country, no matter how small or large or developed or unstable. And I feel like it would really help us to put ourselves in their situation (not just the glory of it--"oh, I'm the PRESIDENT!!!" , but the real situation--"I'm responsible for a nation of 4.5 million+ people...").

I know that with the situation in Georgia, many people are upset about the lack of work and the displacement of refugees and such. But seriously, the economy now is better than it's ever been--more stable and growing. People are upset that things are so expensive... but things are more expensive all over the world. It's how it's supposed to work. At the same time I really hear the cry of the people living in poverty and I'm by no means saying that they don't have a difficult time-- but I feel like people are only seeing the bad while ignoring the good, and that they are not patient enough to wait for "fruit" to be produced...

But I want to bless the Georgian government, even the opposition parties and their leaders, the poor and the rich, the displaced and the homeless... and say that we are all people with God-given hearts and we stand on the same level before Him. And I pray that our Father God, would bless those who live righteously before Him (with pure hearts and clean hands). And that the work of their hands and the words from their mouths be blessed and prosperous! To bring glory to His name.

I really love Georgia-- not just the actual physical land, but the culture and the vibrancy of the people-- and I will stand here with "her" as long as I am allowed! (which hopefully will be long-- but I still haven't received my resident card yet + my 3 month visa is already finished + with all this political unrest, I have no idea if I the system for giving visas will be working normally...! )

So, Georgia-- I love you and am with you. And leaders (including ones I know personally and people like Saakashvili)-- I respect your position and I understand that it's not easy. And God, please shine Your light in the dark places and champion the righteous.

this is a good post

Oh my goodness! I feel like I just don't have enough time for all the things that I need to do... even shower and sleep! I know that in general I have pretty laid-back work, but I'm feeling a little stressed right now.

This last week I wasn't in lectures for the last 3 days. Partly because they were in another place quite a ways away + I had already been in that teaching (although it would not have hurt me to hear it again.. it was about working with traumatized children)... but also because I was trying to figure out my visa stuff (it's still not ready, not sure what's happening.. ) and I was sick too (am still...)... so maybe I feel stressed now because I got used to not being in lectures and such....

But anyways, good news... Spring is coming!!!

And also, this weekend I began learning how to play the panduri, it's a Georgian instrument! Check out the video to see!

And I like it SO much! It's been my dream to learn, and now it's beginning to be fulfilled!

Also today we (Dennis, Diana, me and our teacher for the week) went to this super small village, Khikhani. There are somewhere around 150-300 people. Generally Muslim population. They've been moved there by the Georgian government from the Adjara region (which is way on the other side of Georgia). In this village there's not much to do and it's out in the middle of nowhere. Anyways, the reason we were there is because one of the girls that we met on our outreach in Khulo (when I was a DTS student forever ago) moved there like 2 months ago. Diana ran into this girl at the Vagzal/Bazaar (which is a huge place and not so easy to run into people) and hadn't seen her since we were on outreach there... and we just thought it was very coincidental... so we were checking it all out as a potential location for this school's outreach.

Diana and I with Darina (on my right in black shirt) and her family.

Anyways, we still don't know for sure what will happen... but we are praying and seeking.

Our students are lovely (as usual). I've been tired + feeling a lack of inspiration and energy-- but am realizing that God has all the inspiration and energy I need... but I need to seek after Him. So, I'm beginning to learn more what that means. And at the same time am learning what it means to trust His love and acceptance when I'm doing nothing (especially nothing "spiritual"). And that love and acceptance causes me to want to be more pleasing to Him. It's an interesting and beautiful thing, eh.

On our way to visit Anna's (in black coat on left) church.

Singing in Anna's church.

learning

So, we are in the middle of the 4th week of DTS. It's going really fast, actually. And the newness has kind of worn off and I find myself getting caught up in the "work" instead of putting my heart into it and focusing on Jesus.

For example, last night we were supposed to have a special worship evening. So I was trying to plan, trying to think of a good creative idea, was having a bit of hard time thinking of something that I thought was cool enough. Then I talked to Korinne on the phone to get some more ideas, and she said something like, 'just remember we want to do something to get them to focus on the amazing things God is doing and has done and to be grateful to Him for that...' and I can honestly say, that I had forgotten that purpose in my planning. Like, of course it was in the back of my mind, but I was more concerned about the night and how it looked and went, then about encouraging them to praise God for what He is doing...

Just a small confession. But after that realization, the evening went pretty well. We had some time to reflect on how our lives have changed for the better and on the blessings that we've seen, and we were able to share together and praise God for those things. And also confess before God the areas where we have been ungrateful. Then we had some song-singing time and it was great too, we really had fun. So, I'm grateful for that.

But I'm constantly seeing how I totally cannot be a leader without the wisdom and love and everything that flows out of relationship with God. And I'm really seeing the power of the words, "Lord, I can't do this without You... please, YOU be the leader." And I'm seeing that just work without the Spirit of God involved produces mediocre things. And I want more than mediocre.

And I'm continuing to learn.

baaaaaaaaad attitude

I had such a struggle with a bad attitude today. I don't really know why, I just woke up feeling irritated and battled with it all day. Maybe I'm getting tired, maybe I'm starting to worry too much about the future (after DTS-- what to do, where to go (want to take another training school), where to put my things when/if I go, where will Marina and her kids be, how to do this and that...) and we're still like 4 months away from even the end of DTS and the beginning of those things.

But I did make it through the day.

And I'm hoping for a better (attitude) day tomorrow.

"Give me understanding, and I will keep Your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of Your commands, for there I find my delight. Turn my heart toward Your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to Your word." Psalm 119: 34-37

" 'Teacher [Jesus], which is the greatest commandment in the Law?' Jesus replied: ' Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. (Deuteronomy 6:5) This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. (Leviticus 19:18) All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:36-40

Jenni's Journeys #9