It's so easy to start to talk about something, like in a song.
"Just like these chords
They have been played a million times or more
And so we live day after day
Rising at dawn
Falling at night
Always wanting more
That's how we live day after day.
But I'm feeling tired
With the mundane
I don't want to be
Floating around
Day after day
I want to live for something big
A worthy goal and prize
Even if it takes my life
......" And then, I have no idea what to say. I don't know how to resolve the previous "conflict" or question in lyrical form.
And the fact that I draw a blank in that part frightens me a little bit. It makes me aware of my disconnection from reality. Either that, or I'm just held captive to guilt and shame and can't see the truth that is shining over me.
Today was a bit rough for many reasons that don't really need to be listed-- but it all tempted me into self-pity and I agreed. It was so strange too. There I was, wallowing around a bit, feeling my way around, looking for some comfort. At first it worked a little. But then I realized that I was just more empty and increasingly upset and self-piteous. And I thought, "wow". It's kind of like looking through a garbage dump in the middle of summer for food that you could eat without dying or getting incredibly sick. Just not very good odds for success.
So, I'd like to get out of the garbage dump now. Lord, please --
"Just like these chords
They have been played a million times or more
And so we live day after day
Rising at dawn
Falling at night
Always wanting more
That's how we live day after day.
But I'm feeling tired
With the mundane
I don't want to be
Floating around
Day after day
I want to live for something big
A worthy goal and prize
Even if it takes my life
......" And then, I have no idea what to say. I don't know how to resolve the previous "conflict" or question in lyrical form.
And the fact that I draw a blank in that part frightens me a little bit. It makes me aware of my disconnection from reality. Either that, or I'm just held captive to guilt and shame and can't see the truth that is shining over me.
Today was a bit rough for many reasons that don't really need to be listed-- but it all tempted me into self-pity and I agreed. It was so strange too. There I was, wallowing around a bit, feeling my way around, looking for some comfort. At first it worked a little. But then I realized that I was just more empty and increasingly upset and self-piteous. And I thought, "wow". It's kind of like looking through a garbage dump in the middle of summer for food that you could eat without dying or getting incredibly sick. Just not very good odds for success.
So, I'd like to get out of the garbage dump now. Lord, please --
1 comment:
I think your song reflects the classic turmoil of the Christian walk. It describes what all of us feel from time to time (some more than others).
It may not be the best thing to offer, but perhaps you should rest in knowing that the resolution to your conflict is (in all reality) by no means of yourself.
And what I truly mean to say is, you'll get there by pressing on... not by doing anything in particular. God is the one who ties up that kind of a loose end.
Perhaps all you should to is ride His coattails and see where it takes you. Heaven and I both know that you've done a lot of that already.
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