why I like winter

I was sick yesterday. I think it was the first time since my DTS outreach in Khulo, that I've stayed in bed sick. It was, although unenjoyable being sick, quite enjoyable resting. I didn't know I could sleep so much. I was in bed most of the day, and then I went to sleep at 1am, and slept absolutely solidly until 10am. It was crazy. But good. I'm better today. I think it was some kind of food poisoning or something.

The weather is changing, too soon. Actually, it's been quite unpredictable. A couple weeks ago it was so hard to tell. It would be rainy and cold in the morning, like even until 12ish, and then it would get hot. And now, I've had the hope (unmet) for the last few days that that's what would happen now too. But it's just staying rainy and cold. :-(. I guess there's a time for everything though. So, to counter my depressive outlook on the coming winter weather months I'm going to make a list of all the things (that my mind can come up with now) that I like about this time of year.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT DREARY WINTER WEATHER MONTHS:
•I can wear sweatshirts, and just a lot of layers of clothing in general (which covers up the love handles!)
•Being able to drink hot things (tea, coffee, etc) and enjoy the fact that it makes your insides warm (it's not so enjoyable to make your insides warm in the summertime when your outsides are warm too)
•Scarves. SCARVES. I like them.
•Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years festivals, celebrations, FOOD
•Christmas music (SOME...not all, but I can't deny that I like it a bit)
•The back-to-school feeling (I still have it, man)
•Sitting by a heat-producing source (fire, gas heater, another person) when you've been cold for a prolonged period of time
•How pretty it is when it's snowed overnight and you wake up in the morning and see it before it gets destroyed by cars and people.
•I get to wear my big ug-ish slippers and the various knitted socks that people have given/made for me
•Fudge (although that is only something I get to experience when I'm in America, or when my Mom and Dad very kindly and cool-parent-like send me a package containing fudge during the holidays)
•KNITTING. Oh yeah. It's a new hobby for me, just started last year. I still don't know that much about it, basically only how to go forward (nothing about fixing my mistakes or anything) but I like it SO MUCH.

There you go. So, I'm excited winter is coming. I think it will be grand. :-)

NEW SONG

Hi there! Another new song.

LIFE AS A TREE (inspired by Psalm 1 and this last year in Georgia)

LYRICS:

A seed was gently laid
And now it's changed
Into a tree
And that is me

My roots are going down
Into the ground
Breaking through
Painfully

But life as a tree
Is much more interesting
Than life as a seed
Than life as a seed

I've been planted on
A river's shore
So I'll not thirst
and I'll not wither

And so my fruit will be
Oh so sweet
And lovely
Lovely

My Gardener, He
Is an expert, you see
My Gardener, He
Is an expert, you see

My life has changed drastically
But not suddenly
It's taken time
And it'll take much more

the limit of my imagination

It's so funny. Maybe funny is not the right word, but I mean like, funny: strange-surprising-why-I-didn't-realize-it-then-but-now-totally-cool-and-exciting.

I remember when I was in, I think middle school or maybe early high school (so somewhere between the ages of 13-16ish) and I was at a Christian youth group. And I vaguely remember this feeling that I had that it was just too hard to become a committed Christian. To give everything up and live totally according to God's ways. I thought that meant like social DEATH. I thought I would be so constricted and prohibited and stuffed inside a box labeled, "good Christian"...and become inevitably, miserable.

It wasn't like I was plotting my wickedness, although it may not sound so innocent, but I was really just ignorant. I had the wrong idea of who God was.

This is all coming to my mind now because of what's happening in my relationship with God presently. God really is speaking to me and guiding me in my everyday things, I see that He is relevant and involved in every part of life (not just in church), I see that He cares and that He loves, I see that He created beauty and color and He wants to see it, I see that He is holy and He wants me to be like Him, I see that I can't do it on my own, but I see His helping hand/heart/voice/love that is comforting and encouraging and helps me to change. And I see that world view--the way we see the world and God and everything around and in us--is so incredibly important. And that correcting our world view can change everything, for good.

I've come to a place in my life where I'm really trying to give everything to God and live according to His ways. And I can say that it has not led to social death or to a boxed-up miserable life as a "good Christian", like I thought before-- but I have found so much more than I ever imagined. And I love it.

But don't be fooled, it's not easy. And I'm no champion. But I'm trying and God is being who He is.

parentheses

I'm doing a quick internet run this morning (I still don't have internet at my house, so I have to find other means) before we are off to the Gori-area for 3 days to spend time helping people who were affected by the war!

Here's a video of a new song...not a music video (although I guess it is a music video)...but just the recording I did right after I wrote it, so that I wouldn't forget how it went (and actually I "wrote" some of it while I was recording too)!

These are the lyrics (how they should be, not necessarily exactly how I sing them in the video):

let this be the start, of an outpouring from my heart
that is endless
flowing into words, flying out my mouth
accompanied by music

I never knew if I was a poet
but now I see there is no other way

if I want a song that's beautiful and meaningful
then that's what I need to be
Lord free me from my fear of what people will think
and how they'll critique

bring me to the place the beautiful meadow
where creativity is birthed and grown

I really need to learn how to write without using parentheses (although they are so helpful at times). They really make things visually obscure. :-)

desks

For some reason I have the back-to-school feeling that I used to have when I was in grade-school. Maybe because it's September 1st, it's also 2:22am and I can't sleep, and my friend just let me know that she's getting ready to leave to the airport to fly to Italy to study there for 2 years--I think it's the combination.

I remember I really used to get excited for school though, and it lasted anywhere between a few days to a week to a new desk change (really, I remember there were 2 types of desks...ones that opened on the top, and ones that were just open on the side.. and it really helped, that change of environment, to make things more exciting).

I also remember once, I think I was in 3rd grade and my assigned seat was by this boy I liked. And I don't remember exactly how it all went down, but somehow my friend told him that I liked him and I remember I was so embarrassed that I hid my head inside my top-opening desk. Talk about awkward. I could have asked to use the bathroom pass and left the room, but instead I was sitting right next to him with my head inside my desk... oi mey. But it was very convenient that I had that kind at the time--it's a lot harder to hide your head in the open side ones.

Well there you go, a brief glimpse into my past-life.

"the life of our mission is people"

It must have been kind of disappointing. I was in a posting-frenzy, and then nothing for weeks. Sorry guys.

I'm in my new apartment now, and there's still no internet..so that's partly why.

I'm alive. Been very busy with moving, helping visiting teams, hanging out with our people, just a lot of things. It's been hot at night, sometimes too hot to sleep, so that's been taking a lot of my energy. Busyness + lack of sleep.

I had a good time with a visiting team from Ukraine, we went downtown to talk with the street kids and beggars. We gave them sandwiches and just spent some time with them. It was really great. Also, not so great but still exciting, I said goodbye to my friend who is moving with her family to Rwanda. I'm just excited for her to be there, and excited that maybe I could go visit her there! I really want to! Today went to an orphanage with the team from Ukraine, it's good because I was just there a few weeks ago and the kids still remember me. Building relationships. Went to a Georgian party last night: the owners of the house that Marina and I were living in before, returned. And so the neighbors, whom I befriended during my time there, had a party. I helped to make khinkali!! It was pretty fun too. Tomorrow we (Marina + kids and me) are going to Gardabani to help Diana (YWAM staff+friend) with their kid's program at their church. It's the first meeting (not ever, but the first one in a long time) and so hopefully that will be good too.

I'm learning a lot about having real faith. Persevering in relationship (sometimes making steps towards that and sometimes making mistakes (voluntary, usually) away from that...but definitely learning about the topic and hoping to see some victory soon!). Just getting more established here in YWAM Tbilisi and in what I'm doing. Building some new ideas for what I'd like to do/what God will call me to do, in the future. I realized that this was happening (this establishment) a few weeks ago, and I had this picture of like a tree putting it's roots down, and then remembered Psalm 1. "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." I want to be like that, in what I'm doing here in Georgia. My roots are going down (at least for now) and I want them to be planted by God's stream so that I bear fruit because of God's power through me and in me. Of course, I wish I could paint that word picture more beautifully (it's a little more detailed than that in my head) but I hope you understand.

So, this is my life.

"The life of our mission is people."

NEW SONG

Trees and Stars

sitting

Today I went into one store to buy something to eat (I walked a lot and was hungry), so I bought these 2 little sausage things. But on the steps of the store was a little old woman begging for money, and I realized that I couldn't just walk past her eating my sausages. So I offered her one and sat down with her and ate. She told me a bit about her life. Her husband died like 14 years ago, her kids & grandkids died too (if I understood correctly), and she sits on this step everyday begging for money. She also lives far away, so she has to take the metro and then a marshutka (van) to get there. It was really, sweet is not the right word, but just really memorable: sitting on the steps to a Nicora store eating a tiny sausage with an old beggar woman. But I'm thinking now, is there something more I could've done?

So I guess there's still this war in Georgia. I mean, not officially, but Russia is still here, and it's starting to get annoying. I read a headline just now that said, "US demands Russian troops to leave Georgia". So we'll see where that goes...

procrastination

I was reading through some of my old posts (in other words, procrastinating on writing my newsletter due to my inability to filter through all the information/experiences of the past 10 days) and I long so much to re-experience those first days in Georgia! Maybe not entirely, maybe as like an outsider watching me or something. But really. You know, pre-war-time. Pre-knowledge-of-the-language. Pre-knowldege-of the culture. Pre-a-lot-of-things.

Oh, and you can check out some pictures from our Summer Missions School here.

I am

I am... alive/fine/okay/still in Georgia/now in Tbilisi/not leaving any time soon.

Jenni's Journeys #8

After my initial blabbering, there is some music! My friend Ia and I sing 2 Georgian songs! :-) (come on Blogger, couldn't you have picked a better preview shot?)

today...tomorrow

Today...

-I turned my alarm off in my sleep
-I woke up late
-I left my house late
-But still met up with the people I needed to in the end
-I saw a big group of my gypsy friends in the metro
-I went to an orphanage
-I went to the Bazroba
-And bought like "8 kilos" of tomatoes for 3.50 lari
-But I'm not sure if it was really "8 kilos", maybe more like 5, but the lady said 8
-I came home
-I showered
-I talked to a lady about buying some of her stuff
-Like a coffee maker, dishes, pots & pans, a bookshelf, for my new apartment
-But I'm not sure how I'll pay for it all yet, and still make it until August 7th
-But God knows my situation, and I don't think I'm making bad choices
-I went to the neighbors' house and talked with them for like 3 1/2 hours
-We made lots of plans: go to the lake, learn how to make cake, go to the village
-And we talked about God and church
-And how in church, the actions mean nothing if your heart isn't in it
-We also talked about "I Am Legend"
-Then I came home again
-I ate some adjika+mayonaise on bread with tomatoes
-And after I'm done with this I will get ready for bed

...and it's already tomorrow!

God really works things out.

I don't know why all of a sudden these days I'm in like updating-my-blog-mood, but I guess it's good for you guys. :-)

So right now Marina & I are in apartment finding mode because we need to move out of this house by August 27th (the kind family who let us stay here while they were in America is returning on the 28th). And today we found the most "magari" (cool) apartment. Seriously! It's newly remodeled, not 100% Western, but a lot more Western than most Georgian apartments. It has 2 bedrooms, one for me and one for Marina. A cute living room. A super cute bathroom. The lady is going to buy a washing machine. There's hot water. AND it's like 5 minutes from our current YWAM office, also the place where we will hold our DTS! So I'm very excited!!

It's also really interesting, because yesterday we looked at an apartment, and it was nice, but not totally what we needed, but I was really tempted to say, "ok!! we'll take it." because I was thinking that we wouldn't find another and our time is running out. But God really worked things out and it's so exciting. We still haven't given a 100% sure yes to the lady yet, because although I'm like 99% sure, we were advised to wait just a bit to make sure it's the right choice. And so we'll call in the morning and let her know.

Anyways, just wanted to share that news!! Please be praying for us though, that we will for sure make the right choice. And also it will be more expensive to live there, so I think I will need some more finances. And we will be in a new neighborhood (well, not a new area, but a new apartment building, and in Georgian culture relationships are VERY important), so I'm sure we will have a lot of new people to get to know. But it's way cool and I am dzalian mixaria (very happy!!).

forecast

*cries a bit*

Forecast next 6 days (T'bilisi)

Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
low: 71 °F high: 104 °F	low: 74 °F high: 104 °F	low: 71 °F high: 101 °F	low: 69 °F high: 100 °F	low: 70 °F high: 99 °F	low: 62 °F high: 95 °F

my Georgian love

Two things.

I think God has either given me a die-hard stomach, or just like extra protection from sickness, because I can count the times that I've been like stomach-sick while living in Georgia on one hand. AND I drink water from the tap, and eat really local food. I just realized how great it is, and I really praise God for that.

And another. So I think my mid-life crisis wasn't really a mid-life crisis, just a lot of emotions gathered into one spot inside of me and it felt like it was too much to take. But I DID realize a few things this last week, and I'll share those thoughts with you:

COMMITMENT.

Although I've never been married, I've heard this example used many times. That when you're get married you go through a "lovey-dovey" stage. Everything is new and cute and nice. And then after a while (that time can vary I guess) you come to face the reality that you've committed yourself to this person for the rest of your life, with their faults and annoying habits and everything that you maybe weren't so aware of in the first stage. But then I believe, in the best cases, the husband and wife together work on it and through it and come out with a deeper love and understanding for each other. And I can say that me and Georgia are in this right now.

I think basically from the moment my feet touched Georgian soil, I was in love. I'm not sure how, or why exactly, or what inspired it, probably a lot of things, but it just happened. Now I've lived here for about 20 months and I can say that although I still love greatly, I'm beginning to be challenged with some things that weren't challenging before. Just in the culture, the traditions, the pseudo-persecution of being a technically protestant but preferably called "Biblical" Christian in an Orthodox Christian country, and the fact that I am still a foreigner and people can usually tell (although I've begun to blend in more than before) which always seems to leave me with the feeling that this is not quite my home, and etc. And when these things and more are realized and felt, I feel a little bit like running away. To America. Or just to another country to have that new love feeling that I had with Georgia before.

BUT, I'm committed to Georgia for this time in my life, and I can't just run away. I won't.

And this is definitely teaching me a lot.

Commitment, commitment, commitment.

I have the hope, that when these challenges are worked through a bit (could they all be worked through completely?), I will have a deeper love and understanding for this country that I'm choosing to live my life in and these people that I'm choosing to live my life with.

Mid-Life Crisis...

I feel a bit like I'm having a mid-life crisis. Is that normal?

I'm heading out on Wednesday for Kobuleti, for a summer project with the Campus Crusade people. It will be for one week. Just so you know.

MUSIC

Hey! So, I have a music myspace and I put a new song up, so check it out! I actually wrote it when I was in Turkey on DTS outreach, but it's the first time I've recorded it. It's called, "Servant's Eyes".

housewives and cupcakes

I'm not really sure how it happened, but I've become a housewife and I don't even have a husband.

Irma

Well, I know how it happened, I believe God brought me to this place.

But I mean seriously, since Marina started to live with me, I have 2 kids and a house to take care of (but not on my own), and I do things like make pizza and cupcakes and give children baths and read books about raising kids and stuff like that. It's really strange, I like it, but when I really think about it, it's a little crazy. And also, basically all day I'm talking in Georgian because Marina doesn't really know English, and it's crazy because I don't even like really know Georgian that well, but I think for the most part we understand each other.

David

I really like the fact that I have my "own" house though, and I can have my things out like my colorful Turkish coffee cups without having to worry that another guest or someone will use it/break it/think it belongs to the hotel or something (because before I was staying at the "Vazi" which is sort of a "hotel" for Christians and missionaries, and is also where we hold our DTS, but there were people frequently coming in and out). But the bittersweet thing is that though I have my "own" house for now, in just like 2 months the owners are coming back from America, and I'm off to another place, that is still to be determined.

But I'm learning to enjoy each day as I have it. Because at least for now I'm living in a way cool old Georgian house with grape vines and pomegranate trees in the yard with a great view of Tbilisi. And I'm learning a lot about life. So I am grateful.

Marina & I

NOTE: For those of you who don't know, Marina was one of our DTS students and was on my outreach team. She's a new Christian (formerly Muslim) who's husband was beating her and is now in jail. She has 2 kids, Irma-3 years, David-8 months and she's going to join us on staff here with YWAM Tbilisi.

Gekvecebi

So tomorrow is our DTS graduation, and I spent all this time working on a slideshow/movie, and also another thing of student interviews. I think I worked for nearly 8 hours straight, and I finished and wanted to put it on a DVD, and lo and behold I discover that my disk drive is not working, like a serious mechanical problem! At first I was very stressed out, but then, praise the Lord, I calmed down and realized that it's going to be ok. Our base leader has an external disk burner I can use and I'm planning on coming home in like 5 months anyways, so I can get the problem fixed then, unless something miraculous happens and it begins to work, and I'm totally ok with that too.

Since DTS is over for now (until next March), I'm faced with the question(s) of what I want to do during these next 7 months, and what God wants me to do, and how I can make an impact on this country, and on peoples' lives, and on my own life too. Big questions.

Trains

We're on our way to Tbilisi now, on a night train. The first time I took this train more than a year ago, I thought it was for like an eternity: 8 hours! But when we went to Armenia we took the train, and it was like 16 hours, so this feels like nothing now! And besides, there are some trains that go for like days, in Russia and stuff, so I guess I don't have it that bad! :-)

But I'm really excited to be back in Tbilisi, even though it will be for only 1 week. We will have debrief, I'll move into the house I'll be staying in for like 2 months while one family goes on vacation, and then I'm off to Kiev for a week with Diana for a staff conference.