something to say

I learned how to crochet hats and washcloths.

I'm pretty excited about that.

<-- I made this hat.

And I discovered that I can knit pretty fast (for me) too.

But all this knitting and crocheting is giving me a twitch in my right shoulder muscle. Hmmph.

I hung out with my Dad today watching and NCIS, or NSIC... whatever it is... marathon.

I also went into the Geesey guitar place and asked the owner to play like all of the interesting instruments he had in there. And he actually could for the most part. I was pretty impressed.

Also, when I came in he was like, "how can I help you?" and I said, "you can give me a free guitar..!" He laughed. Little did he know I was making a serious request. :-)

I'm gaining weight too. Hmmph.

take me

I'm feeling contemplative.

Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love

Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee
Take my voice and let me sing
Always, only for my King

Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee
Take my silver and my gold
Not a mite would I withhold

Take my moments and my days
Let them flow in endless praise
Take my intellect and use
Every power as Thou shalt choose

Take my will and make it Thine
It shall be no longer mine
Take my heart, it is Thine own
It shall be Thy royal throne

Take my Love, my Lord I pour
At the feet of it's treasure store
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee

You know, it's such a strange thing to think of asking God to take all of these things: my life, my hands, my feet, my voice, my lips, my silver & my gold, my moments & my days, my intellect, my will, my heart, my love and myself. It's so bitter in a sense, beyond words--at least in this situation. Because it would take me a very long time to catch you all up on what is happening on the inside of me relating to each and everyone of these aforementioned nouns.

But at the same time, I feel this really sweet comfort even at the thought of asking Him to take all of this. Really warm. And I (at this moment) really want to surrender this all to the One who gave us all these things in the first place.

And I believe.

Frances R. Havergal
This lady wrote this poem/hymn, and here's a little information about her life. It's a kind of long, but definitely interesting.

Christmas Eve

My brother is going to propose to his girlfriend tonight at church.

There is a lot of snow.

I knit a scarf really fast yesterday night + like 20 minutes this morning.

Tonight for dinner I made dolma from grape leaves (meat wrapped in grape leaves). They're still cooking, I hope they turn out okay.

At church I'm going to sing, "O Holy Night".

I made contact with my birth father's family, talked to my grandma and some of my aunts and Uncles. They say that I look a lot like my father, which is so strange to hear. I spend my life not looking like anyone in my family, then I find out I do look like someone whom I've never met. It's not bad, just really really strange. I also found some letters from when he was alive, and in one he wrote to my mother that he would take full responsibility for "his child". That would be me. They weren't married when she got pregnant, and I think they broke up shortly after. But he still wanted to take responsibility for me. My grandma, aunts and uncles all said that he was a really nice guy (my father). Soft-spoken, liked to help people.

I also found out that my Grandma is pretty cool. She's full-blooded German named Hannelore. She's 70, and she works full-time at Walmart on the night shift. I'm pretty impressed.

Tonight at church, I'm going to sing "Away in a Manger" too, accompanied by the auto-harp. It's the same song, same accompanying instrument and same accompanist as the last time I sang that song at church when I was 8 and my birth mother was still alive.

I've got lots of thoughts. Lots of different feelings. Trying to filter them all through the Truth of who God is and not become overwhelmed.

once upon a time in Georgia...

Some pictures of me with Irma & David and Marina before I left. If you have no idea who I'm talking about or who these people are, you can ask me and I will gladly inform you. :-)

(Irma did my hair. Lovely!)

Aren't they cute?

paaaatience.

You know what I realized (re-realized....took a moment from denying....) that I'm entirely NOT patient. Like, not at all. And that's a real problem for me.

Also, I struggle to trust: people, myself, and still (if you can believe it after the amazing things He continues to do in my life and in the lives of those around me)--God.

And I learned that I really shouldn't watch "Extreme Makeover- Home Edition" because it makes me cry.

But back to the serious stuff...

I can see though, that God has brought me a long way in both of those things. I remember back in the day with my friend Tawna (like when I was in high school and such) and we'd be having conversations about God and about knowing Him more and living out of that knowledge, and I was so impatient. I wanted to be in that perfect place of knowing Him NOW. I didn't want to go through any of the things that would cause me to grow into that place. I just wanted to be there in that very moment.

I'm grateful though that He either quenched or just eradicated some of that impatience and He's helped me to make it this far...and it's been quite a long road.

So, I'm trying to hold onto that past experience and knowledge and walk through these days with that in hand, heart and mind. I don't want to waste my life by always looking forward to what will be--and missing what's in front of me.

That rhymed, didn't it? Catchy.

SOOO... Lord, please help me.

In other news, it's snowing A LOT. Ginormous amounts. This is what the window in my room looks like:

But thankfully, we have those base board heater things, so I'm not freezing to death. Just my window.

Okay, I love you guys! Thanks for reading and being interested in what's-a-happening.

New Camera Fettish

My brother's dog decapitated her toy cow.

Creepy chair covers (at night when I walk by them, they kind of scare me if I forget that they are there...)

My Mom has a Santa fettish.

Our family's stockings (note: "Toot" is my Mom's aunt who lives with us)

Little Christmas tree.

Big Christmas tree.

Snow + my dirty car (from driving on slushy freeways)

somewhere over snoqualmie...

So, I made it safely over the pass. It wasn't even that exciting. No massive snow drifts. Not even a lot of cars. But I'm grateful that I made it safely. Thanks for the concern!

Here's some pictures that I took with my NEW camera!





I love Washington.

to tell you the truth...

I went to a really great concert last night! I forgot how much I enjoy live music, especially when it's good. Check this guy out (Noah Gunderson)--I was greatly impressed with his music and with the content of his songs. They made my heart warm.

One thing I really really love about winter: how, at night after it's snowed a bit and this are dusted white, the sky like glows. It's incredibly beautiful. It's night, but not dark, but not light--just amazing. I love it. I want to just sit outside and stare at the sky, if only I could do that without freezing to death.

One thing I'm not sure about--how I'll get over the pass with all this snow. I'm not leaving until Tuesday, so I guess there is some time for it to settle down. But this is one of those situations when I seriously wish I had a travel buddy (call him a husband, if you'd like). Just being honest.

stinging nettles and sushi

You would not believe how much food I ate today. This is the fullest I've been in a long time. And I feel bittersweet about it. Part of me is like, "It's okay that you ate like 80 pieces of sushi because they don't have sushi in Georgia". And the other part of me is like, "I hope you don't make this a habit again, because your Mom and Dad did just buy you new clothes for Christmas, and you want to wear them for a long time."

But I also walked like 3 miles with my friend Lauren, around Greenlake today.

You know, I was in the car on my way home and I was talking with another friend about pictures and keeping them and organizing them and everything and then I realized how much of our life centers on this electronic media (and some non-electronic)--pictures. And then I thought,"what are the pros and cons of the abundance of pictures and the ability to take such real pictures?" For some reason I felt like it was a really like intellectual thought. I mean, what if the fact that we can see such real pictures of places that we've never seen in real life like somehow cheapens that amazing thing...? But then again, I love looking at pictures. The other day I was in University Bookstore and I spent like probably 30 minutes looking through this book of National Geographic pictures, and was just completely enamored.

Okay, I guess my intellectualness is done now.

Oh! I'm taking Freeze Dried Nettle Leaf supplements now, it's supposed to help my allergies (if I even have allergies). But it seems so wacky to me to be ingesting something that is so physically painful when you touch it. Unless there is a difference between stinging nettle and just plain nettle. But I'm assuming there's not.

I want to smell things!

So, I'm in Everett now--for a little over a week.

I feel like time is starting to go quickly now and I want it to slow down a bit, seriously. But I think part of my problem has been: 1) wasting time on the computer instead of finding more valuable things to do. 2) Not focusing on the "now"...living too much in the future or in the past (in my mind) and not being able to appreciate the things that are in front of me at this very moment! 3) Just bad time management in general (you know, watching the hour long trading spaces instead of packing to come to Everett--therefore moving my whole schedule back an hour +, and then not getting enough sleep, being tired...etc.)

But I'm grateful for today. :-)

I'm on antibiotics now for a sinus infection--at least I hope that's what it is and that it will go away very very soon. I started on Friday and I'm still pretty stuffed up. Maybe I need to take decongestant too? Maybe it's allergies? Feeling a little weary of all my nose problems...but hey, at least I have a nose? So I'm still trying to be grateful in spite of my circumstance. It would be really nice to be able to smell though...

angels and bazaars.

very beatufil eye..you kind angel???

Yes, I did just get this message + friend request from a guy on Facebook named "fa ze".

I guess I'll take that as a compliment, but I did not accept his Facebook friendship offer--sorry fa ze.

Yesterday I went with my Dad to a Christmas bazaar in Odessa. It was pretty cool. Two of my Aunts were there too, and one of my Uncles. My Aunt Lois taught me how to crochet. My Uncle Dave kept threatening to pull the string on the scarf I was knitting (which would therefore unravel it all). But I had a really great day.

My Dad is so cool, he designs all these wooden toys and makes them and sells them at bazaars. Here's a picture or two.

Getting things set up

Dad with his toys

A closer view

Me with Dad (we sat at this table from like 9am-7pm)

It was a great day!

note(s) to self

If you ever have a house that you decorate (either you're living in it for a long period of time, or you own it)--NEVER decorate with silk/plastic flowers. No questions, just don't do it. This is merely a cleaning resolution...remember trying to dust those things? Does not work well. And real flowers are prettier anyways.

When and if you have the joy of being pregnant, do not wear long shirts. They do not accentuate the bump in the middle and are not very pleasing to the eye (when pregnant). This is not written because of anyone specific, just observations have proven this to be true.

Please, don't dye your hair ever again. Not that it's wrong, but just don't do it. When you go gray, wear it proudly. And hopefully your body will benefit from choosing not to expose yourself to the massive amounts of chemicals that are in hair dye.

Talk with your children (if they ever exist), find out who they are. You may have given them DNA, and you will influence them by your presence--but they have a unique God-given personality that you need to discover and encourage. Talk. Spend time with them. Love them for who they are.

Actually, do the above with all people (even though you probably won't be DNA related with most of them).

Surrender everything to God, always. Every desire, dream, plan, failure, striving, stress, joy, success... you get the picture. Seriously, you will waste your life if you hold onto things that you cannot control. Either by emotionally traumatizing your body or by just wasting your time.

Note(s) to self.

taking action-- looking OUTward

" And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and will do it."

-1 Thessalonians 5:14-24

I am just so tempted when I come home to get caught up in the, "it's all about me" thing. Which it most definitely is not (all about me), because I am not the only being on this planet.

But I read this this morning and was encouraged to take action to encourage, help, warn. To be patient and kind and to hold onto good. To give thanks and be joyful.

I'm thankful for the reminder. I've been here less than a week, and I was already feeling the laziness kick in. Especially (I think this is the life-long illness with children) when my Mom would ask me to do something, I'm sometimes so slow to do it...and sometimes don't do it at all. So, I'm trying to grow up.

Speaking of growing up...I feel old! (But remember in my last post, I said I used to be afraid of getting old...but now I think that age makes things more beautiful and meaningful?...so it's not a bad thing-- just shocking sometimes). Last night my mom's friend came over with her 2 kids that my brother Josh and I basically spent a lot of our childhood with. And those 2 kids (who used to be like 5 and 7) are HUGE now! Seriously taller than both Josh and I, and all grown up and driving and playing football and stuff. I WISH I would've taken a picture.

Now would be the best time to get a camera, because then I'd have the new-camera fettish where you take pictures of everything. And then I wouldn't have any regrets about not taking pictures of people during my time home. Sheesh. :-)

Okay, off to decorate the house for Christmas with Mom!

big cold friends

I had a great time hanging out with some old friends today. I used to fear getting older. Sometimes I still do (well, the physical ailment of it at least). But I think that my life and relationships seem more significant and meaningful than they did before. Maybe this is just the normal thing that comes along with "maturing", and I haven't discovered anything new. But it's okay, I'm not trying to be revolutionary. This is new stuff-- new feelings, new ideas-- for me. And I'm finding much joy in these little revelations.

By the way, I think I had been away from Ephrata for way too long when I was packing my bags (to come here). Because I specifically remember choosing NOT to bring my long underwear or thick tights because, "it would be warmer here". Well, I was wrong on that one. Today I went on a walk with a friend, and after like 15 minutes my thighs were frozen through. Seriously. But I guess I was right in the fact that it's warmer in houses and in my nice, cute little heated car.

Hey guys, God is big. Bigger than you or I can imagine. Of course, there are many logical things about Him. But there are much more than many things about Him that seem completely illogical, and don't make sense. But He's still God. And I am still choosing and going to choose to trust Him.

in the us

So, I don't know what it was, but for a few days there I seriously could not access my blog. It's like somehow my internet provider in Georgia blocked the site or something...but why? Maybe that wasn't the real problem. But I'm grateful it's working now.

I'm in America, by the way! Ephrata, to be exact.

I'm totally exhausted after not sleeping for basically 2 whole days and being in transit for at least 24 of those hours, if not more. TIRED. But I had a pretty good trip. The flights were okay, I sat by nice people, my layover was relaxed, customs let me take my beloved Georgian food items through (tkemali, preserved figs, etc.) and my parents picked me up at the airport! We ate dinner and then drove another 3 hourish to get to Ephrata. I was conked out in the back seat. Seriously. We got into Ephrata and my mom was like, "look honey, we're in Ephrata!" and I was like, "that's nice"-in my slightly delusioned state, and returned to trying to sleep. But I hope I'll get rested soon.

:-)

6 days

I'm leaving for America in 6 days. 6 days. The idea of going has seemed so far away to me, that I really have shock (excited shock) that it's coming up so soon.

So, I'm already trying to practice my self-control skills, you know like in eating. Since I'm going home around 2 of the biggest food/eating holidays of the year, I want to make sure I'm not eating too much (especially of that good American food that I haven't eaten for 14 months)... :-).

What else? Also, I'm trying to get things in order before I go. I must say that one thing I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy about (really really happy) is that I don't have to pack up my entire room and find a place for my stuff when I go, because I have my OWN room that I will RETURN TO when I come back!! I cannot explain how huge of a thing that is for me. I've had to do that so many times--pack for a trip and then pack up my room to leave for the trip--and it is like 80 times more stressful. So, thank you Lord (and thank you supporters) for an apartment that I don't have to move out of (at least not now).

6 days.

readers

So you know, internet is back!

Actually, it has been for a few days...so you would think that I maybe would've posted something. But now, I waste my internet time on facebook and news.

And so today I had the slight whim to write something semi-meaningful here, but now after an hour and half of doing non-blogging things, it's left and I can't really imitate what would have come out in the moment of inspiration. So sorry.

But I think part of my problem, is that I have no idea what kind of audience I'm writing too--like a real one or an imaginary one that comes along with signing up for a blog (like the one that you think/hope reads your blog...but that doesn't really exist). And not that I would necessarily change a lot about my writing...but I think there's some more inspiration when I know that my words are read and enjoyed.

Eeehhhh-ni-ways.

fantabulous video

Here's a video of one of my high school friends. It's so cool to see her in this! And also, there's footage of my fabulous hometown, Ephrata! So for those of you who are not Ephratians...take a look!

waiting period

So how is this for Georgia: the internet finally gets installed at my house after a waiting period of more than 2 months, and 4 days after they install it the internet company gets shut down because they didn't pay the phone bill.
*Jenni laughs at the ridiculousness while thinking what to do now*

I was never into that whole taking about yourself in the third person and surrounding it with astericks thing, but it seemed appropriate.

So I just got back from spending 3 days in Gardbani. My initial plan was to spend just one night, but ended up staying more... But it was a good break from my busy life in Tbilisi. Gardbani is a small town (even smaller than Ephrata), so it's more peaceful. And also it kind of has become my equivalent to visiting "home", like I did when I was in college, because Diana's mom cooks special food, and really takes care of us. So it was really nice not to think about what to feed myself, or about cleaning the house, or to be overwhelmed with the plethora of opportunities for busyness in Tbilisi.

But now I'm back, and the craziness starts again tomorrow. Honestly I think there are plenty of people who are much more busy than I am, but I FEEL very busy. Partly due to bad time management and my inability to do all the things I WANT to do (knit hundreds of scarves, paint things, learn how to crochet, cook interesting food, read through the 5 books that I've started reading and haven't finished, play my guitar and make beautiful music, walk around Tbilisi enjoying the beauty of fall, etc.) which leads me to this unsatisfied feeling. And also I think I've begun to give more attention to God's work than to God Himself. And that message has been resounding all around me for some time, but I feel stuck as how to bring it into application in my life at this moment. Not that I don't know what I should do, or what the outcome should look like.. I just really am struggling with my application skills. *Sighs a bit tiredly (tired from the worries of life and from wanting physical sleep as well)*

I hope that my desire to write those asterick things soon passes. Ok, I'd better go- my thumb is cramping from writing too much on my small cellphone keys.. (but seriously, I am so grateful for predictive text!).

By the way, if you have not listened to the Jon Foreman season EPs, please do. They will enrich your life.

the rumor

So, the rumor on the street is that some guy from the Caucasus Net office is supposed to come and install internet at my house tomorrow. But I do live in Georgia.

BUT, if he does come, this might actually turn into a blog where you can read about my life and what I'm doing and stuff. Until then, posting from my Nokia N73...

Oh, I am alive, by the way.