road trip part 1

...hopefully there will be a part 2!

We are in San Francisco (but leaving in just a couple hours!), and the place we are at just happens to have free wi-fi...hooray!

We drove from Seattle to Independence, OR. From Independence, OR to Gold Bluffs Beach, CA. From Gold Bluffs Beach, CA to San Francisco, CA...and now we're off again. I don't know where we're going to stay tonight though...we'll figure it out. :-)

But we're having a pretty good time. Definitely learning a lot (or trying to learn a lot) about being in community and it's good!!

We've had some adventures...in particular, driving into San Francisco...we had to go through the toll lane so fast, that we ended up in the "fast lane" and it's where they take a video of your license plate when you go through, and then check your account later. But we obviously don't have an account...so I'm sure that our ticket is on the way. But hey, we totally busted into San Francisco and can tell the story of when we drove through the toll lane without paying. :-)

Keep praying! :-)

PICTURES:

Cooking dinner in Washington (first night)

in Oregon, cooking breakfast at a rest stop

some hot air balloons in Oregon

at Gold Bluffs Beach (it was COLD!)

in Ben & Jerry's in San Francisco

working on our best crab impersonation in San Francisco

road trip ... what what

I'm leaving today on a road trip to California. There are 4 of us, and we'll be gone for about 12 days! (We're dropping one of them off at college, so they'll only be 3 on the way back). Hopefully I'll be able to blog about it a little bit, but we'll see when we actually get on the road and see how stuff works out.

Please pray for us!

i could never be happy...

...as an atheist.

My bottom is numb from sitting on the floor for too long. It's 5:57 AM, and I still haven't gone to bed. I took a nap today, but I didn't think it was satisfying enough to cause me to stay up this late.

I'm leaving on Thursday for a road trip to CA with some of my friends.

Until then (and hopefully after then), I'm really trying to manage my time well. But I'm not sure if staying up until 6 in the morning is a very good management of time. Hmm...

I'm struggling a lot with having faith. And it's pretty exhausting. But, there are those times when I am so fully convinced that God IS, and I'm clinging to that. I know that things aren't going to be easy as I'm getting ready to leave for Georgia, so I'm also clinging to the hope that it will relent, at least for a while, sometime soon. I could never be happy as an atheist. But there is so much that is trying to push me in that direction. But there is so much to keep me where I am.

I am tired of being pulled! But at the same time, I'm glad that I am. Comprendo?

Oh Lord, I know that you know what I think I need.

Not enough words to describe what I'm thinking/feeling now. But maybe that's okay. It would probably sound better/be more accurate if I was rested.

"I have set the LORD always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." Psalm 16:8

walking understanding

I went walking today, on a road surrounded by sagebrush and hotness. The sky was really blue, the sun was really bright. And I was thinking: about Jesus coming back, about what this life is for, about how I can't understand how to get past wanting to cling to the things on the earth, and all of that.

"God, I just don't get it."

I kept walking, and all of a sudden I heard an airplane in the sky. I looked up, and didn't see anything--only the bright blue sky, the bright sun and a few clouds scattered here and there. But I heard the sound, I knew it was an airplane, and I knew it was out there somewhere.

But I couldn't see it.

you should read this--there are pictures!

Yesterday I got back from Ensenada, Mexico.

I needed to go to Mexico and I'm so glad that God gave me that opportunity. I needed to go to Mexico not be IN Mexico, but to hold dirty little kids and remember what's really important. Helping people. Loving people. Learning. Growing. Being in the States is great, it's comfortable, I can buy really cute clothes, I can eat as much food as I want, etc. But I forget what's really important. I get so caught up in ME. So, I needed that reminder/wake-up call to see past America.

So there were 12 of us (6 leaders and 6 students). I was one of the leaders (and also the song leader for VBS). I made a lot of mistakes, but I think I really learned a lot. In particular:

#1: Don't draw so much verbal attention to the fact that you're a leader.

#2: Be sensitive to people moods, instabilities, hurts, etc. They aren't always ready to answer your questions.

#3: Control your curiosity. Like #2, people aren't always ready to answer your questions. Even though you would answer almost any question anyone could throw at you, that doesn't mean that everyone else is the same.

#4: Be open to listen to constructive criticism. If you ignore other people's feedback on your leadership skills (rational or irrational) then you aren't going to learn and grow.

"Tent City", our home for the last week (it was a lot bigger than this--there were 600 people there!)

So how it works is this. A lot of people get together through this program called Mexico Outreach, and we all live in "Tent City" and have chapel every morning and night, and during the day we all go out in our separate groups and work on our "ministry site". My group worked at this place called "Leche y Miel" (milk and honey): there is a lady named Josephina and she cooks lunch for the neighborhood kids who wouldn't normally get very much food. And even though she is not in a very prosperous situation herself, she goes on mission trips to a small town in Mexico. So, we put on a VBS at Leche y Miel (our theme was "putting on the armor of God"...it was really fun) and also some of our people worked on building another little kitchen next to Josephina's house like 10-15 minutes away from the current building.

It was so incredibly interesting to be able to go on this trip, because I went 3 years ago right after I graduated high school. We went to the same place, Leche y Miel, and there are even kids that I remembered from before who have grown up so much since then. It's crazy how much has changed in there. And it's crazy how much I've changed. Physically I'm different (I've lost like 25 pounds since then). Mentally I'm different (I'm a little less emotionally unstable). Spiritually I'm different (I have a completely different, more intimate relationship with God). And it was really cool to be able to contrast my previous experience with the current one, and see the reality of those changes.

So, I had a really great time in Mexico, and even on the way home. I ended up flying on a different ticket than the rest of the team (because I joined the team late) and so I flew home by myself. I had some great opportunities to talk with people about their opinion, view, belief, lack of belief in God. And it was so interesting. But the rest of my team had a heck of a time. They were supposed to fly in around 10pm on Friday, but they didn't arrive until around 7:30pm on Saturday! Their flights were cancelled, delayed, etc. You name it and it happened to them. But praise the Lord they are still alive, and are still talking to each other. :-)

Okay, I've written a lot. I'll post some more pictures now. Thanks for reading.

A group (I think it's sort of an organization) that makes quilts donated 100 of them for us to take to give away (did I mention that we had 23 checked bags + 12 carry-ons + 12 "personal items"?) So, we gave about 25 out to some of the families at Leche y Miel, and Josephina is going to take the rest with her on her next mission trip to Senora. This is little Daniella and her quilt.

The older girls liked to play with my hair (even though I didn't wash it for 6 days and it was incredibly gross)...and I didn't mind. Who doesn't like getting their hair played with? :-)




I only remember seeing this little boy, Luis, the last 2 days, but he was really sweet. One day when we were coming, the kids were like mobbing our van (but they mobbed the van every day, and would tell each other which American was theirs, "I get that one!") and he "called" me. :-)




He is just CUTE. Markito. And YES, I KNOW I'm making "the-face-that-I-always-make-in-pictures-even-though-people- tell-me-not-too-but-I-can't-really-help-it". :-)




Our Team! Back row (L-R): Jenny, Clyde, David, Don, Robert, Kendra, Pamela.
Front row (L-R): Lynn, Andre, Julia, Me, Trisha


The End (for now).

yemen

So, the funniest thing happened today.

Me and my friend Maria went to Subway to get dinner, and the man making our sandwiches looked hispanic, so I greeted him by saying, "Hola!" He then proceeded to inform me that he was not, in fact, hispanic. And so I proceeded to ask which nationality he was. He wouldn't tell me directly, but turned it into a game: "If you can guess which country I'm from, then I will give you a free sandwich." Of course I wanted a free sandwich, so I started to guess. "Philippines! Malaysia! Indonesia!" and on and on, but I wasn't getting it. So we persuaded him to give us a hint. "My nationality starts with M and ends with T". I was racking my mind to think of what it could be, but nothing was coming. We then persuaded him to give us another hint, and he said "Okay...the name of my country starts with Y."

"YEMEN!!", I shouted.

And alas, I was correct. And we did indeed get a free sandwich. And it was rather thrilling.

the new and the old

I had a really good quiet time this morning. It was the first time in a long time that I've been able to organize my thoughts in a concise and meaningful way. A lot of my journal entries lately (maybe similar to many of my blog entries lately) have been really random and NOT to the point, always skirting around the edge. But it was really relieving/satisfying to be able to "sort it out" on a page.

And this is one of my thoughts that I began to realize. When I finished DTS, I was all for living as the "new Jenni" and not the "old Jenni". And when I came back to the States, I was all for it, and terribly afraid of falling into my old ways. I did. And that's why I need a Redeemer. But that's not my main point here. My main point is that after a while, even the new becomes old.

Even the new becomes old.

My first evening back at home (April 20th)

God is not taking me through all that I've been going through these past 3 months, so that I can be the person I was 3 months ago. He wants me to be more holy. More refined. More like Him. And I need to be striving for that. If I thought my post-DTS attitude/character/life was good, then I'd better expect that God is going to do even better things...because He is STILL working on me.

And I'm trying to get a good grip on Him.

TB and Music

Okay, so something pretty cool.

When I returned to the States, I thought I should get a TB test (to make sure I didn't have it), and so I made my appointment and everything and I went to the doctor. Well, the day I showed up they were like, "your appointment was yesterday", but I wrote down the date she told me, so it was just a little mix-up. And the only problem was that the doctor I was going to see wasn't available, but it was okay, because they just had a nurse do it. Well, I just got the bill today and I am SO glad that the doctor wasn't available, because it probably saved me like $50 or something. So what seemed like plans gone wrong, actually turned out to be a benefit to me in the end, and for my good. Interesting. :-)

I put up some songs that I've recorded on here, so you can check it out if you want. You can download them too! :-)

What else? Oh, I'll just write more later.

attachment to the wrong fears

Tomorrow...or well, today (shoot)...when I wake up in the morning, it's "NO COMPUTER DAY"! Yay!

I think I can, I think I can.

It's pretty ridiculous how ATTACHED we become to things that didn't even exist earlier in our lives. Cell phones, computers, video games. It's really crazy I tell you.

So I found out today that Daniel is getting moved (to wherever he is going) like tomorrow (today) and it's also crazy. It's a good thing, it's just there is so much change. So much.

I didn't do very well today with thinking on what is true, pure and lovely. I hate it, but I so get caught up in impressing people (AKA fear of man) and it's so frustrating. SO frustrating. I even wrote myself a letter (when I was in Georgia, at the end of DTS) and I just got the letter in the mail yesterday (my leaders mailed it to me) and I even wrote in there: "Fear God, not man. Fear of man is a trap." And it totally is, and I'm totally pretty stuck in it.

There is so much I need to give up to God, but I want to hold onto it so tightly. Well, I think that I gave a lot of it up today, but that doesn't mean I won't take it back. I wish that it did mean that I won't take it back, but it doesn't.

Lord, please unstick me.

did you know...

...that when you do a google search for "kartvelley", I am the only related thing that comes up?! It could be because I spelled it wrong (although spelling any Georgian in English is wrong)...but it's okay!

So, I know that I haven't been writing very deeply here. Maybe I'm trying to pretend like everything in my life is normal and fine (because I don't want to think about it), but I know that's not the right thing to do. SO here's a brief synopsis.

1) My good friend Maria is in the hospital in ICU with malaria. She went on a mission trip to Peru and got bit by a mosquito, and she's really sick now. She's getting better, but when they actually finally admitted her (at first they thought it was hepatitis, and it wasn't. And then they though it was just a UTI, but she was still sick and THEN they found out it was malaria) 75% of her blood was contaminated with the malaria, and she was like unconscious (that's what I heard). And now she's getting better, but she's on a ventilator and everything at the hospital in Bellingham.

2) I'm struggling a lot with trusting God right now, and believing Him. And America is the perfect place to remain numb and indifferent, or inactive. And I find that happening to me. So, I'm struggling and wrestling with God about lots of things, like suffering and the deity of Jesus and all of this stuff, and sometimes I'm just so overwhelmed (a lot of times) I just want to pretend like I'm not struggling, so I grab the computer (funny, I'm typing this on the computer now...) or I watch a movie, or I do something so that I don't have to think. And after a while, it's like I get lost in it all and lose touch with reality. And what I really need is to not pretend that I'm not struggling. I need to face it head on. I need to be living in reality. Maybe that doesn't make sense.

But there are good things that are happening.

I've got my return ticket to Georgia, and I'm leaving on the 25th of September. And I'm getting some opportunities to talk about Georgia and what I'm doing there, which is good.

And GOD is still with me and still loves me, even though I'm struggling. And I'm really grateful for that.

Wow, I probably sound crazy or something. It's just hard to condense weeks of thoughts into a brief summary. But I tried.

So, life it hard. But God is still here. Phew.

tired

I was walking home from the grocery store and I was thinking. You know, in America we ask each other "how are you?" and I think the number one response is something like, "good" or "fine thanks". And I think the second response is something like, "good, but tired". And I realized that America is really tired.

We're constantly running. Constantly producing. Constantly pushing for results or profits or something. And we need to rest.

What if they shut down the freeways for a day and declared it "National Rest Day"? People would freak out, because they think life can't go on if something isn't being done. But the reality is, life can go on. And it's kind of enjoyable to take a break once in a while. You know what I mean?

the trees

Oh the trees of the field are singing, joyful songs of love
For they've seen His eyes, and they can't deny His love
Oh I'm not a tree but I'm singing, because I have seen them too
And His is a deep, deep love that warms itself right through
My cold heart
Right through my cold heart

not that exciting, but informative

I don't really have anything monumental to say, but I haven't been writing much...so I know I must have SOMETHING to say.

I'm leaving tomorrow to go to this thing called "Walk With Christ". It should be really cool, I'm excited.

Today, I went to Rose's house and made headbands (for myself). It was pretty exciting. I used a sewing machine, and that was cool. And I learned the "slip stich". :-)

I can't decide what to do, if I should redo the papers I printed out for my support letter that say I need $900 for my plane ticket. Because as long as everything works out, I will have one. So, is it honest for me to still send those out? What do I do about it?

I cleaned out my closet (at my parents house) today. It was pretty crazy. I have SO MUCH stuff (and that's not even half of it). But I was really interesting to see stuff from a long time ago, like pictures and notes. I found a whole box of notes from middle school and highschool, so that should be interesting to go back and read.

I'm coming back to Everett on Monday.

If anyone knows of any temporary jobs that I could do (like really temporary, even one-time things) let me know!!

Well, I'll be back on Sunday.

I'll try to be more exciting next time.

:-)

check it out

I think I've been procrastinating writing anything here because there has just been so much going on inside of me. Like, my thoughts have been so jumbled, that anything I would have written would've sounded like nonsense.

But things are clearing up a little now.

Lets see. I'm in Ephrata now visiting my parents, and it's been good. It's hard sometimes, because I want to crawl back into my "old wineskin" that I've left here (the "old Jenni"...insecure, undisciplined, proud...you get the picture!). But praise God that His mercies are new every morning. You know though, I find myself even struggling to accept His grace in that. It's not that I think I can earn it, I just feel like I should. It feels like too great a gift. And it frustrates me a little, but at the same time I am incredibly grateful, because I know that I could never earn it.

So, I'm learning a lot. And learning isn't easy. But it is rewarding.

+++++++++

Being a missionary is so overwhelming. But I love it, even though I'm still new at it.

some birthday pictures

I got TWO birthday cakes. It was pretty special.

Lynn and Don got me some pretty amazing rubber boots. I was really excited. Now when I go to the village, I'm going to look REALLY American, but at least I'll be fashionable. Hey, maybe I'll start a trend or something.

Sue bought me an iPod, and I was really happy. Like a month ago, when I was home visiting my parents, and my mom said that she was thinking about giving me her iPod, but on the condition that I wouldn't give it away. But I told her that if God told me to give it away, I would have to. So, she decided not to give it to me. And I was okay, but I remember later that day or that week, I was praying and I was like, "God, I really want an iPod." So, in the meantime, Sue had been praying about what to get me for my birthday, and she said that God told her to get me an iPod. And she was like, ok. So, at my birthday BBQ, I open Sue's present, and then I just start to cry. Because I see that God cares about every aspect of our lives, even the things that don't seem very "spiritual" like iPods. And it was pretty amazing.

I feel quite ready to go back to Georgia.

Not that I don't love the people here like to death... I just miss it, really.

to do

God has something big planned for my life (and for YOURS too, you know?!) and I'm going to do my best to do what HE calls me to do. And I think as long as I strive to live out my God-given purpose, everything is going to be okay.

Oh, but it's so easy to be distracted and led off the path, or maybe even voluntarily run from it.

BUT the grace of God, of Jesus Christ, is so incredibly great. So incredibly patient, and like seriously HUGE. Huge enough to find you even when you've wandered incredibly far.

the honest truth

"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." PSALM 13

You know, it's strange. I remember when I was in high school, I used part of this verse to write a song...but I wasn't really grasping what it meant, I just thought it sounded good.

But I can really say that this is like the prayer of my heart right now.

I was so totally in like "magic land" when I first came to the States, I was having a great time, I was standing firm in the changes God had made in my life. But then I started to loosen up, and be less diligent in spending serious time with Him. Then I was hardly spending any time with Him at all and was letting my will run wild. And now I feel like I'm standing in the midst of a lot of wreckage. And I have a lot of questions. And I feel really hurt. And I can't understand a lot.

But this morning at church we sang a song. Most of the songs I wasn't really worshiping God (because I was thinking about all of this stuff that is taking my joy...or that I'm willingly giving my joy too...), but then we came to that one, "When I Think About the Lord" and I was singing this part:

"It makes me wanna shout, Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus! Lord you're worthy of all of the glory, of all of the honor, of all of the praise!"

And as I was singing that part, not really connecting the words flowing from my mouth with the condition of my heart or mind...suddenly SOMETHING clicked. And for a moment I really felt like everything was going to be okay, which is something that I haven't felt for a while.

So, I really hope that is true.

"in"

Daniel went "in" today. It's pretty rough.

m. c.

Wow, I get so many comments when I talk about marriage...I should do that more.

Geeze.

holding on

So, the other day when I was nannying, Morgan (see photo) and I encountered a problem. She was sitting on a stool at the table and had just finished eating ("All done!") and so I told her to wait there, so I could wipe her hands and face. She decided that she didn't want to wait, so she started to stand up. I told her to sit down, and she wouldn't. So I SAT her down, and she stood up again and kept saying, "Up! Up!" and I told her that I will pick her up WHEN she sits down...and it began.

She ended up screaming for like 25 minutes while I was holding her saying, "Morgan, if you stop crying I'll put you down. Morgan, I still love you. Morgan, if you stop crying you can have your blankie." She was just upset that she didn't get her way, and I knew that if I let her get away with it, all respect she had for me as an authority would be lost. If I let her get away with it, she would lose trust in me because she would think that she has more power than I can handle. So, I endured. And you know, God really spoke to me through that.

"If you sit down I'll pick you up."

And also the fact that Morgan was screaming. And struggling to loosen my grasp. She tried to bite my shoulder a little bit...she was SO angry that I wouldn't let her have her way (of disobedience), but I didn't let her go. And I saw that sometimes I am so like that with God. I throw my temper tantrum because He doesn't let me have what I want (and often what I want is not what is best), but He doesn't let me go. OR sometimes I'm just tired and cranky and I throw a fit, but He holds on. And whispers, "I love you, Jenni."

And maybe that sounds crazy or emotional or dramatic or something, but it really gave me a clearer understanding of Him.

"if you sit down, i'll pick you up"

oy

My hope of marrying Marty Sampson has just been COMPLETELY obliterated.

He's already married. Oy.

and another thing...

I'm having a really hard time with the lack of settled-ness and/or consistency in my life. It's like no matter where I am, I'm missing something somewhere else, in another part of the state, in another part of the world. And I have so much in each place, and I feel so divided.

For a while when I came back to the States, it was like I was living in this beautiful enchanted world, and I was really so happy. But then the lack of permanent started to really bother me, and now it is really bothering me. And I don't want to lose my joy or hope or gentleness or love because of this, but I really feel like some of it is slipping.

And you know, I know that by choosing to follow God I gave up that right to be comfortable and permanent. And I know that God is permanent, but it's just hard having situations constantly morphing around you.

But, the funny thing is...if my life was constant and "normal", I'd probably be complaining too.

Oh, I feel fickle.

obedience

So, it's crazy how many similarities I find between my relationships with the kids that I'm nannying and my relationship with God.

Like today, I was telling the 4-year old that when I ask him to do something, he needs to do it right away. I don't want him to ask "why?" or try to distract me or do it as slowly as possible, but I want him to be quick to obey.

But the whole time I was saying that I was thinking, "am I quick to obey when God asks me to do something?...NO!" and I felt like so sort of hypocritical. But at the same time, it's cool that God is showing me things through this situation.

I just hope that I can apply them. :-)

progress and resistence

Wow, so much is happening and changing.. and sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed.

But you know, even though it's like harder following God.. it's so much better. I don't know how to explain it. Like before, in my life, when I was just kind of hanging out and nonchalantly acknowledging God, I was really quite miserable. Actually, incredibly miserable. BUT, I could do whatever I wanted (to an extent). Like, the conviction wasn't as strong, the responsibility wasn't as much. But I was miserable.

And now that I've really committed my life to serving God (I've told Him that I am committed to Him for the rest of my life regardless of how I feel or whatever, I belong to Him) and in a way it's harder. Because I can't always do what I want or feel like doing. And the conviction is a heck of a lot stronger, and sometimes nearly unbearable (at least until I confess it all or turn away from it or whatever). But I am so much happier. I mean, I don't wake up every day full of joy and rejoicing (maybe someday I will be able to), but I really have so much more joy.

AND I feel like I'm standing on solid ground. Really, I feel more whole. I know I've got a long way to go.. but the progress so far has been quite fulfilling.

So anyways.

I'm glad to be committed to serving God, even if I 'keep offering vain and perilous resistance'. I think I'm beginning to learn.

ACTS 26:14
And when we had all fallen to the ground, I heard a voice in the Hebrew tongue saying to me, Saul, Saul, why do you continue to persecute Me [to harass and trouble and molest Me]? It is dangerous and turns out badly for you to keep kicking against the goads [to keep offering vain and perilous resistance].

crazy

It's crazy, you know. In a good way.

I've been really struggling with doubts and stuff about God and His provision, and it's been pretty rough. But it's like, He's providing for me in spite of my unbelief, and it's crazy.

Like today, I got a job. I didn't even apply. And it just happens to work out with my schedule and everything. And it's only until the 30th of May, so my entire time home isn't taken up. And I will just happen to make the right amount of money I need to pay for the laptop that I bought and cancel that debt. So, I guess I shouldn't say that "I got a job," I should say that GOD GAVE ME A JOB.

And He is providing for me in so many other ways too...a dentist appointment, tax help, medical advice, spiritual advice, LIFE advice.

Seriously crazy, and seriously cool.

In other news. I taught Georgian today. Really, I went into Lynn's class (she's the mom in the family I'm staying with in Everett) and taught her Foreign Language Sampler class. It was pretty cool. I can't believe I taught Georgian. Who would have thought!

Past Life : October 22, 2005

I'm reading through my old journals, so I'm going to post stories that are interesting, or that speak of God or something cool. Okay? :-)

OCTOBER 22, 2005

"So, I was sitting here on my bed and I just kept hearing this pounding. And I couldn't figure out what it was, and then I realized that it sounded like my heart beating. And I listened to the sound, then I listened to my hear and they were the same! And I was really confused. At first I thought that it was like a clock ticking and like my time was running out. But then I remembered the words to this song I wrote (which is in the context of Jesus speaking to me) and it goes, 'So let your lullaby be the beating of My heart and let your eyes sleep.' And I really think it was Christ's heartbeat. Then I thought about how He lives in me, and how awesome that is. Then also, I'm reading this book by Darlene Zschech called, "Extravagant Worship" and this line was there: 'The cause of Christ pumping away in our veins should cause extraordinary praise to the Father.' "

Maybe I sound a little crazy, but I really don't think I am. :-)

american-ness

I got a computer today. It's totally crazy. I feel sort of guilty. But I feel incredibly blessed at the same time. And a little anxious. BUT IT BELONGS TO THE LORD. Let's just pray that I keep that mindset.

American-ness is kicking in. But I'm trying to stand my ground.

I don't want to be surface level and selfish. Really.

umm...

I think it's May day today, or something like that. I just looked it up on Wikipedia, and it's like some pagan, communist, catholic, socialist holiday. They all celebrate it for different reasons or different ways. I think I'll stick with leaving baskets of flowers and candy anonymously on people's doorsteps.

This morning I met with this really cool lady and we had coffee and talked a lot, and we talked about complaining. And I really realized something.

Disclaimer: I know that I complain a lot. But this is just an observation, and I will try to be proactive and put it into practice. :-)

No matter what we complain about, there is probably someone in a worse situation. Like, "Oh, I work TOO much...50 hours a week, and I am so tired." But, there are people even in Georgia who can't get a job and would love to work and make that much money. And stuff like that. And so I'm really starting to think that probably every complaint, or almost every one, has a response to it. And I wonder what would happen if we complained, and then thought about the opposite side of the situation. I wonder how much it would change our perspective.

the good, the bad...and the nephew

I just spent the last 5 days in Ephrata.. it was good and bad.

GOOD because:

I got to see my parents after like 10 months of not seeing them! And they re-did my room and I really like it, it's really pretty! I saw lots of people that I've missed. I got a haircut and stuff.

BAD because:

It's really hard to be in a foreign country, have so much of your life and your heart transformed, and then come back to the place where you grew up. It's a crazy thing, I really do not know how to explain it. And also just the way that I deal with culture shock. It's like I can go into all of the places, like Walmart and see everything and be "okay". But then I'll be getting ready to go to bed and I will feel like my world is going to implode or I'm just going to die or something. It's kind of rough.

But God is SUPER true to His word, when He says that He will answer us when we cry out to Him. It's true, really.

My nephew, Trevor. He's grown SO much since the last time I saw him.

write, dance, fear... PURE

This morning I woke up with this huge desire to write a new post in this blog of mine, but now I can't remember why. I must have had something good I wanted to say, so maybe I will just write and eventually it will come out.

So I've been home for 3 days. But it sort of feels like longer. Not in a bad way though, I'm actually having a really great time! I've seen quite a few of my friends and we've really had a lot of fun. The other night we sort of had a dance party. Yeah, we did all the really hip songs like, "Pharaoh, Pharaoh" and "I'm Trading My Sorrows". Pretty exciting. And last night some friends were over and we had a really great time playing games and throwing a football and everything. I'm really loving it so far.

But, one of my secret fears is that I'm going to hit a wall. Meaning, that I'm going to be having a great time, yay!...and then BAM. I'm like depressed. Or something bad is going to happen, and everything is going to be not so great. And I really don't want that to happen. And I ESPECIALLY don't want to be worried that it's going to happen, because I know that it will distract me from living here and now.

Just now I was thinking: something that is so beautiful is purity. Whether it's purity in a lake, or in someones skin, or in a food, or in love. And I really like it. It's like gentle and refreshing and calming and exciting at the same time. And I really want to have purity in my love in all of my relationships. And not just me, I want everybody to have purity in their love in all of their relationships. It would change the world. It would change my heart. It would change yours.

And you know, God is wholly PURE. It makes me want to like fly or dance or something. And it's so cool how we can see these little things about His character, even if it's for like only a second that we have a great understanding and then it's gone. It's like a phenomenon or something.

buddies

home

I am home. Well, to one home. I have a home in Georgia now too, you know. I'm not too culture-shocked. Well, at one point I felt a little sick to my stomach (because I was so weirded out) but I am okay now. I really love these people here, so it's good to see them. Really.

So, I missed my flight from New York to Seattle, so I had to stay the night there. But the airport paid for my hotel and food and everything, so it turned out really cool. And I made it to Seattle, and some of my friends greeted me with a sign and balloons and it was really sweet.

Dzalian miqvararian (Actually, I don't remember if that's right or not. Darn, I'm forgetting Georgian ALREADY).

I feel a bit like this...

IWILLOVERCOME : Charlie Hall

I can see that my hands are trembling, I can see that my legs are weak
I can see that my head is spinning, but I will overcome
And I know that my heart is hurting, And I know that my soul it aches
And I know that it seems I'm failing, but I will overcome, I will overcome

O Lord I'm strong in You, O Lord I am wise in You
O Lord I can see in You, so I will overcome
O Lord I'm loved by You, O Lord I am free in you
O Lord I'm complete in You
So I will overcome, I will overcome, I will overcome

God listen to me shout, I'm so far from anywhere and I'm calling out
Lead me, lead me to the rock that is higher than I
You're my breath, You're my breath, You're my very life
Infinite, Holy King meets weak and frail--Christ in me
And I will overcome not by my strength but by Your grace and love...

I felt a lot like this yesterday. I guess I still feel like it a little bit (like the whole "my head is spinning" part...) but God is so faithful to teach us and to help us through the times we aren't sure we're going to make it through. Seriously. And something I need to remember that He really showed me yesterday: GOD IS THE SAME HERE IN GEORGIA AND THERE IN THE USA. And that is a greatly comforting thought.

Now, lets see if I can put all of this stuff He's been showing me inside of my heart and be proactive about it.

TWO DAYS.

konferanse & vind

For some reason, my blogger account is in Russian. It's really strange. I mean, I'm using a Russian guy's computer, but I'm logged into MY account...and it's still in Russian. Really strange man.

Anyways, the conference was really great. We talked about trust. We made a lot of good new friends. And had a lot of fun. We took a couple excursions, one to the land we bought for the base here in Tbilisi and it was REALLY windy. But beautiful. And people prayed for the future of Tbilisi and the significance of the land, so it was really great.

And I made some cool friends. There is an outreach team here, they came to help with the conference. Actually, they were on outreach in Armenia and that's why they came to help (because they were close and people were coming anyways)...but it's turned out to be an incredibly great thing! I'm so glad to have met them, and I we've had some good times! They are from a CREATIVE DTS in Norway, so they're dancers and singers and an artist, and it's really cool! I like them. :-)

I leave for the States in less than a week. I'm excited. But a little afraid. But a little numb because I don't really realize that I'm leaving yet. All I can say is that I'm really grateful that I am coming back, because it helps to not have to finalize everything. Really.

But I think I'm excited. God is doing NEW THINGS. And it's COOL.

I wanted to put a picture, but I couldn't get it to work. But it's okay.

cable-car

THE CABLE-CAR

So, when we were in Khulo this last month, we heard that the cable car had been shut-down.

You want to know why? Because the cable is too weak, and it could break anytime.

This is the same cable car that we went on TWICE just in December. And it's the same cable car that stopped half-way in the middle (did I mention it's like the 2nd highest one in Europe or something) because the power went out--but we didn't know that, we thought we were going to die. Seriously. One girl like instantly fell to the floor because she was so scared. I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. Others were like, "oh my goodness...oh my goodness...oh my goodness" and then we started singing worship songs and declaring that we weren't going to die in that cable car. And then a couple minutes later the power came back on and everything was okay.

But I still can't believe they shut it down so soon after we went on. Like, it could have broken with us in it, but it didn't. God protected us and I am really glad. And I'm really glad that nobody else got hurt on it either. SERIOUSLY MAN. :-)

Some pictures from Khulo: December 2006

yay for rubber boots!

villages can make you a little crazy

a bit random

So, someone hacked into my myspace like a day or two ago. And it really makes me wonder why they do it. They just like posted a couple bulletins with advertisements or something. And it was strange. But I changed my password and made it really tricky...so hopefully they won't be able to get in for a little while at least.

I leave Georgia in 10 days. It's coming so soon. But I think it really helps that I know that I am going to be coming back...but still, I know so much is going to change while I'm gone and that's a little weird. But I guess the same thing happened when I left the States. It's all just really strange. But you know, I think that God is really preparing me for coming back (to the States). Just with different situations and stuff. And with different struggles that are coming up all of a sudden. But I really realize that I really need to remember these two things:

HUMILITY and SERVICE

With love covering them both.

inside an orthodox church

Last night I was writing in my journal, and I realized that lately I've been writing a lot of wants (or don't wants). Like: "I want to be ______", or "I don't want to be ______". And I don't know why. Maybe it's so I can remind myself of those things when I look back in my journal later. I hope that it works.

I REALLY WANT TO LOVE PEOPLE.

And last night I had a really strange dream(s). Really.

new--> old--> new--> old--> NEW!...

It's so hard sometimes, to live as new and not as old. But it's so much BETTER to live as new. Even if it feels more comfortable to live as old. How many of you understand me?

Parts of COLOSSIANS 3 (NLT)

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand...You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us... Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

Khulo & Bodbe

I've been running like crazy.

Khulo was awesome. It really felt like home, people were still welcoming, there was still mud, I wore rubber boots...I loved it. And it was a lot warmer than before, which was nice. We also were able to hand out Operation Christmas Child gifts to some of the kids at one of the schools, and it was really cool. I cried a little bit. And I realized how God really sees all of us the same. With a heck of a lot of love in His heart.

And then this last Saturday we visited an orphanage about 2 1/2 hours away from Tbilisi, called Bodbe. It's specifically for kids with mental disabilities...but there were also a lot of children who were perfectly normal. But I LOVED IT. I cannot explain it to you. The kids were wonderful and loving and warm and I just wanted to like hug them forever. It's not a super-nice place, but the ladies who work there to take care of the kids really love them and it's evident, and I think it does a lot for their (kids) mental state. We played games, talked about the life of Jesus and really gave as much love as we could. I want to go back. I want to take them!

But I've been having a great time.

Return from Kutaisi : Leave for Khulo

GELATI (a famous orthodox church) -->

Kutaisi was great. We visited some places, and then we helped with a church meeting (we did dramas and sang songs and talked and stuff). We ate together and gave a lot of toasts and built a lot of relationships.

And tomorrow morning at 8:30am we are leaving to go visit Khulo (it's the village we lived in for one month during outreach) and I am really excited. We're only staying for about 2 days, but I know that it's going to be great.

thirty...kutaisi...self-control

So, like 30 days until I come back to the States...dun dun dun!

I just realized that today...it's crazy how quickly time goes. Seriously.

So, I did get my room packed up and I've been staying with my friend Megan, which has been incredibly cool. And tomorrow morning I'm leaving for Kutaisi. I found out more about it. Basically we're going there to work with a church and to get people excited about telling others about Jesus! So, that should be fun. And I think we are staying in homes with families and stuff, and that's always really super cool. I heard that Kutaisians are really hospitable.

Something that I need/want to learn now and especially before I go to the States is SELF-CONTROL. Don't worry, I'm not like stealing or binge drinking or anything.

Wow, I feel really vulnerable now that I've said that. I guess that's a good thing though--brings humility.

one-two-three

1 Currently I am procrastinating. But what I am supposed to be doing is packing up my room in Vazi. I have to move out for about one week, because before I was here a conference was scheduled. So they need most of the rooms, including mine! But it's actually probably an incredibly good thing, because I am sort of like pre-packing for coming back to the States. So, in the long run, I'm sure that it will be REALLY helpful!


2 What else. This coming week we are going to visit a nearby (3 hours) city, Kutaisi. I don't know exactly what we are going to be doing...I think probably work with a church there and tell people about Jesus. Sounds good to me. And then next week we are going to return to the village Khulo, where we stayed for a month during outreach. I'm really excited to see these people again! I kind of hope that some of the snow will have melted away by now, but I guess we will see.


3 JOY. I really want it, all the time. I'm learning more about it. And I seem to have it more when I look at life with the realization that this isn't all there is. I want it to be contagious. I want to be free to express my joy to God in any way necessary. I want other people to have this same thing. And I want God to smile when He sees what is happening.

if you could do anything for Jesus, what would it be?

There are many people here in Tbilisi, who beg for money. There are a lot of "gypsies", women with babies, people with disabilities or deformities, and there are especially a lot of older people. I think it's attributed to the fact that the pensions here (and I'm sure other places as well), are horrifically small, and many elderly people are unable to work because of physical ailments. So, their last resort is to beg for money.

And a couple of weeks ago I was walking down the street and I saw ahead of me, an old lady who was doing just this outside of a clothing store. She was hunched over on her cane, and she held her hand out in such a way as to beckon people to come and contribute. Some people were moved to compassion and gave her the leftover change in their pants pocket or after their purchase. But many walked by without paying any attention.

I wasn't sure whether or not I should give money, so I asked God, "Lord, what do You want me to do? Should I give her money? How much?". And I walked more, waiting for an answer. I didn't hear anything, so when I came near I stopped and tried to communicate with her the best that I could, in broken, or rather, destroyed Georgian and Russian language. She was hard of hearing and didn't understand me, so I just patted her arm and kept walking. But then I was thinking again, "Lord, if You want me to give money to her, I totally will...just please tell me what you want me to do!" I didn't hear anything. But I felt like I should just give her something, so I went back and gave 2 lari, turned back around and started walking again. But then I asked AGAIN, "Lord, if You want me to give more money to her I will! Just PLEASE tell me how much!" And then I got an answer.

I felt like God asked ME a question (an interesting reversal), "What do you WANT to give to her?" Hmm...

So, I went back to her, gave her the rest of the money that I had in my pocket, tried to tell her to buy healthy food so she can be strong, and then continued on my way.

You may feel free to conclude your own moral of the story, but I wanted to share this experience with you!

seriously spring

The weather here in Tbilisi is getting increasingly beautiful every day (well, sometimes there are the occasional rain showers, but besides that), and it really makes me feel like refreshed or something. Today I decided that spring is my favorite season. Well, I was actually thinking about those surveys that people send you in emails that ask about what your favorite things are and what you want in a boyfriend/girlfriend, and I decided that if I ever got one of those again and if it asked what my favorite season was, I would say, "Spring!"

On a different, slightly more serious note, God showed me this particular Bible verse the other day:

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed
by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and
approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will."
Romans 12:2 (NIV)

And it really hits home for me. I really don't want to conform to this "world", but I also don't want to just conform to premade Christianity. Like, I want to have a relationship with Jesus that is real and alive and intimate and unique...I want something deeper. This is just sort of what I'm thinking about these days. Like, God is SO big and so there must be like so many dimensions to having a relationship with Him, right? I don't know...what do you think?

musical airplanes with a beautiful perspective

I feel like I'm going a little crazy.

I need to hear music man. I don't what it is about me. But, it's like I just need it. But I don't have a computer and I don't have a CD player and it's making me just a little crazy. But I'm listening to music now as I'm using Caitlin and Andrew's computer (they're the American couple that's living in the same building as me, they were my DTS staff and outreach leaders) and it helps. It's really strange you know. I mean, yeah I hear music like in taxis or at other places, but there is just something about choosing what you want to listen to. I don't know. Maybe this is a pointless thing to talk about, but it's what I'm thinking now.

So, I am leaving Georgia April 19th, I talked to my travel agent yesterday. Part of me is really excited. But part of me is really a little afraid. And you know the strange thing is that I feel very similar to the way I did when I was coming TO Georgia. The details are different, but it's a very similar feeling. Which is kind of showing me that I need to apply the lessons I learned LAST time and have some peace in Christ.

Today there was a Bible seminar about who Jesus really is, in the building I live in. And it was interesting, even though I heard all of those things before, it was still like really good to hear. But, there was a blind man who came and so I talked to him a little bit, in Georgian/Russian and he knew a little English. And he said something, and this is my summary/application to everyone. WE can be beautiful people. Maybe we're physically beautiful. Maybe our hearts are beautiful. Maybe our words reflect our beauty. But when Jesus lives inside us, we are a million-trillion-gagillion times MORE beautiful than any of that. When Jesus lives inside of us. And it's so true. In my relationship with God, I have found that there is this gentleness and peace and softness and I cannot even explain the utter beauty of it.

And also today we were talking about how there really aren't words to describe God because He is so great, and things like the Trinity are so beyond our understanding, and I just had this picture in my mind. Like, that I was in heaven (sorry no description of what I saw heaven to be, I didn't really see that, I just knew I was there) and I was looking back to that exact moment when we were doing our best to try to describe God, and I thought how childish it was. Childish not because it was stupid, but because it was so true that words couldn't describe God. Because at that moment it was like I knew that I had seen God since I was in heaven and I realized just how far beyond our words He reaches. And it was so strange to think in that perspective. But it was just a moment. That heavenly understanding of God was not locked into my brain, I guess it's like waiting for me...probably in heaven with God, yeah?

peanut butter and plans

So, I really feel like I'm supposed to come home in April. Which is good, because it is sooner than May. And I am really excited to see people and eat as much peanut butter as I want. :-)

But I'm noticing that I'm starting to think like, "ohh...what about this?...and this? ...and this?" and it's making me a little crazy. Well, not crazy, just a little distracted I guess. It's like what it was like in June, but the reversal, it's really strange. But hopefully I will be able to trust God with it all at least a little more so that some things will be easier!

And other news, I guess I've officially been accepted as YWAM staff here in Georgia now (I filled out application and my references were my outreach leaders) and so yeah. It's cool. But as usual (in my life at least I've noticed this), now that I'm accepted I'm starting to really wonder, "Is this REALLY what God wants me to do?!" And you know, I really think it's where He is leading me, but it's not solid/concrete. Maybe that's His way of keeping me on my toes, always trusting in Him and not in my own plans. Because He could change it all, but I really hope not...but I will have to obey if He does!

I know that He plans good things for us, maybe there aren't good things that happen along the way...but I know that He really loves and He really cares and He really understands. So I know that I can trust Him, even when I don't feel like trusting (because trusting takes faith and sometimes faith is lacking).

what's goin' on...

Tonight I'm going over to Mark & Carole's (they're one of the Campus Crusade missionary families here in Tbilisi) to watch Lord of the Rings : Two Towers, and I guess you could say I'm pretty excited. :-) It should be fun. They said that maybe they would call it the "J-Party" because Jenni, Julie, Joel, (Jake and John are 2 of their kids) are going to be there. Hey hey!

Last night we had Bible study for some university students, and it was pretty cool. We sang worship songs in Georgian, and talked a lot about life and stuff. At one point, it got a little crazy though: some of the students started a little side discussion in Georgian about whether or not everything we're going to do is written in a book by God or something like that. But I know that God was there, regardless of the other little distractions and stuff. I just really see how focusing on all of the little details that really are not essential to a new relationship with Jesus, can totally cause you to miss the point and make you discouraged, so it's something to try to watch out for. So, Mark (he was leading) just tried to refocus back to talking about the fact that God really did create us with a purpose, and that He has the answers we're looking for about why we're alive. It was good.

And tomorrow I'm going on a hike with a university student (who knows really good English because she's attending some American-ish university in Tbilisi or something), and then I'm helping lead worship at the international church. And then my friend Megan and I (she's a missionary here too, but with a different organization) are going to do something fun. So, tomorrow should be a good day too.

:-)

kleenex and relationships

Last night I took my clothes out of the washing machine to hang them up to dry, and I discovered that I once again, washed a kleenex with them. And you know, you would think I would have learned my lesson. It happened once before too and I made a mental note to always check pockets for those notorious kleenexes, but I guess I got lazy and forgot. And now I have quite the mess to clean up. But, I think everything will be okay in the end...hopefully the stuff will come off really easy after everything is dry. And last night as I was dealing with this issue, I concluded that washing a kleenex with your laundry, is kind of like sin. Because when you sin, it gets everywhere and messes up many things, but praise the Lord that God can clean us off in a second.

Tonight I'm going to a Bible study that the Campus Crusade missionaries have started here, and they're going through the Purpose-Driven Life (they have copies in Georgian). I've never actually read the book, and in the past I was actually kind of opposed to it because it seemed too trendy or something, and everyone was starting the "Purpose-Driven _____" and I didn't like it. But I've started to read it, and I think it's really good, especially for people in orthodox culture, because it talks abot God in a relational way. A very high percentage of Georgians call themselves "Christians", but many of them live for nothing more than rules and rituals. And now that I think about it, I'm classifying this as an orthodox characteristic, but it's also a Western one too. "Read this book!...Attend this youth program!...Say these words!..." Something super important that I've really been learning about my relationship with God, is that it's just that. RELATIONSHIP. Not rules. Not rituals. Relationship.

me kartveli var...martla!

Yesterday Diana & Ira (my roommates from DTS) came and are staying with me now. It's awesome to be able to see them again and talk and laugh and eat chocolate! And tonight they taught me how to make borsche...because us Americans are like starving here! ;-) But, it was actually really exciting because now I feel more like a woman...or at least more something!

This morning we went to the School of Tomorrow (it's a Christian-focus school that is kind of hard to explain, but our base leader has been partnering with the founder of the school for a long time)...anyways, we went there and sat in on some conversational English classes. They are really short, but we use the Bible...the kids read, and then we ask questions. The topic today was baptism, which is very interesting to discuss in an orthodox country! But yeah, Dennis (base leader) wants to get us ready so that we can teach the class and stuff. It is pretty cool.

And then we went and visited our friend Nino. And then I went to Georgian lessons. My teacher and I talked about globalization and now I'm learning how to tell time and 52 adjectives in Georgian. Oh, and I finally found a medium sized Georgian-English dictionary for 17 lari...so I bought it. I think it is definitely a good investment.

Then we walked a little bit, came home, talked, prayed, made borsche, ate cake and drank tea. It was a really good day.

:-)

working out the kinks

In response to my last post, I'd like to say that GOD IS WORKING out the kinks. :-)

Of course it is difficult when you really really realize that you aren't in control of everything around you (Sometimes, at least I...but I'm sure everyone, we convince ourselves subconsciously or consciously that we are in control of the things that are happening in our lives. But that is in fact a lie, and so when reality hits, even when you know the truth but maybe aren't quite accepting it, it can hurt a little). But I know that in view of eternity, I would rather relinquish control to God and trust that if I follow where He leads, the outcome will be great...than try to plan my own future and have to spend the rest of my life cleaning up the debris.

And so, in redirecting my life (from where I was taking it), God has sort of begun to close a relationship, continue a few old ones, directed me to quit Turkish lessons, brought up an opportunity to practice teaching a little bit, and is reminding me that I am doing this all for HIM.

I can really say that I've sort of forgotten it. Like, I'm so used to living here in Georgia now and doing all this stuff, that I sometimes think that it's "just my life". Which is true, but it's "just my life...which I AM LIVING FOR HIM." And I really think I'd better wake up and live in that knowledge every second of the day.

So, I guess there are a lot of changes happening in every area...whether it's a change of schedule or a smack of understanding. And I really thank God for all of it. I'm so glad that God is not just "God up in heaven"...but that He is God in heaven, and He is God in my heart, and He is God who understands what it's like to be a human, and He is God who LOVES us unboundedly. Really.

And a story that I read from a book & posted a while ago...but that is worth being reminded of:

"I need oil," said an ancient monk, so he planted an olive sapling. "Lord," he prayed, "it needs rain that its tender roots may drink and swell. Send gentle showers." And the Lord sent gentle showers. "Lord," prayed the monk, "my tree needs sun. Send sun, I pray thee." And the sun shone, gilding the dripping clouds. "Now frost, my Lord, to brace its tissues," cried the monk. And behold, the little tree stood sparkling with frost but at evening it died. Then the monk sought the cell of a brother monk, and told his strange experience. "I, too, planted a little tree," he said, "and see! It thrives well. But I entrust my tree to its God. He who made it knows better what it needs than a man like me. I laid no condition. I fixed not ways or means. 'Lord, send what it needs,' I prayed, 'storm or sunshine, wind, rain, or frost. Thou hast made it and Thou dost know.' "

everything gonna be okay

So, I guess I can write right now about some things.

Ending is a difficult thing to do. As our leaders put it, it's like leaving the fluffy white cloud of DTS and crashing back down to earth, the "real world". People aren't going to understand you when you talk about certain things. They're going to expect you to react in certain ways, even though you've changed...and it's all hard to handle.

Praise the Lord that I'm not going through that yet (since I'm still in Georgia), but I'm still dealing with it all. For the past 5 1/2 months I've had INTENSE activity and everything and I've shared my room with 2 of the coolest girls God created, and I had a schedule (AKA structure...I like...!) and yeah. But now, those things are like gone. Well, in a sense.

I did a pretty good job of filling up my schedule this last week with lots of things. Turkish lessons. Meeting with a friend. Small group. Georgian lessons. Prayer meeting. Another meeting with a friend. And more. And it was good at the time...but now I'm tired and I feel like my brain and my heart are both in incredible pain.

So, I need to process DTS...but I'm afraid to. And I'm not exactly sure how to do it. And my brain and my heart are tired. And I'm so grateful that God is giving me time though...like, I didn't just get shot back to the U.S.! I have a chance to deal with part of the struggle here (and be with cool people too, you know...Georgians!) and then once that's worked out, I get to deal with the other part back home.

God TOTALLY knows me. He knows what I can handle, and I am SOOOOOOOOOO grateful for that. I really love Him.

So, even things are rough right now...I know 'everything gonna be okay'! This experience/time/situation will turn into something beautiful that I can hang on the wall of my heart.

rollin' on the river

Our YWAM Base Leader (Dennis) and the DTS girls!

So things are crazy, busy and good!

I guess the only real negative thing is that I haven't really given myself a chance to stop and process all that happened during DTS...but I think I'm going to start today.

So, when I say busy I mean this. I've started taking Turkish language lessons, Georgian language lessons, I am part of 2 girl's small group things (1 that I joined and 1 I am starting), meeting with people just to have fun, helping out with the English speaking church...and stuff like that! But, it's been pretty cool. I've decided that I really need to get a planner though!

And I seem to have a sort of writer's block or something. I mean, there are really interesting things that happen in my life, and that have happened, but I just can't seem to get them out here. Ya niznayo pachimu. I just do not know why. Maybe I've forgotten English or something. I mean, I don't know..but maybe...?

:-)

Tbilisi, Georgia DTS Graduating Class of 2007 (with leaders too!)