the honest truth

"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." PSALM 13

You know, it's strange. I remember when I was in high school, I used part of this verse to write a song...but I wasn't really grasping what it meant, I just thought it sounded good.

But I can really say that this is like the prayer of my heart right now.

I was so totally in like "magic land" when I first came to the States, I was having a great time, I was standing firm in the changes God had made in my life. But then I started to loosen up, and be less diligent in spending serious time with Him. Then I was hardly spending any time with Him at all and was letting my will run wild. And now I feel like I'm standing in the midst of a lot of wreckage. And I have a lot of questions. And I feel really hurt. And I can't understand a lot.

But this morning at church we sang a song. Most of the songs I wasn't really worshiping God (because I was thinking about all of this stuff that is taking my joy...or that I'm willingly giving my joy too...), but then we came to that one, "When I Think About the Lord" and I was singing this part:

"It makes me wanna shout, Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus! Lord you're worthy of all of the glory, of all of the honor, of all of the praise!"

And as I was singing that part, not really connecting the words flowing from my mouth with the condition of my heart or mind...suddenly SOMETHING clicked. And for a moment I really felt like everything was going to be okay, which is something that I haven't felt for a while.

So, I really hope that is true.

"in"

Daniel went "in" today. It's pretty rough.

m. c.

Wow, I get so many comments when I talk about marriage...I should do that more.

Geeze.

holding on

So, the other day when I was nannying, Morgan (see photo) and I encountered a problem. She was sitting on a stool at the table and had just finished eating ("All done!") and so I told her to wait there, so I could wipe her hands and face. She decided that she didn't want to wait, so she started to stand up. I told her to sit down, and she wouldn't. So I SAT her down, and she stood up again and kept saying, "Up! Up!" and I told her that I will pick her up WHEN she sits down...and it began.

She ended up screaming for like 25 minutes while I was holding her saying, "Morgan, if you stop crying I'll put you down. Morgan, I still love you. Morgan, if you stop crying you can have your blankie." She was just upset that she didn't get her way, and I knew that if I let her get away with it, all respect she had for me as an authority would be lost. If I let her get away with it, she would lose trust in me because she would think that she has more power than I can handle. So, I endured. And you know, God really spoke to me through that.

"If you sit down I'll pick you up."

And also the fact that Morgan was screaming. And struggling to loosen my grasp. She tried to bite my shoulder a little bit...she was SO angry that I wouldn't let her have her way (of disobedience), but I didn't let her go. And I saw that sometimes I am so like that with God. I throw my temper tantrum because He doesn't let me have what I want (and often what I want is not what is best), but He doesn't let me go. OR sometimes I'm just tired and cranky and I throw a fit, but He holds on. And whispers, "I love you, Jenni."

And maybe that sounds crazy or emotional or dramatic or something, but it really gave me a clearer understanding of Him.

"if you sit down, i'll pick you up"

oy

My hope of marrying Marty Sampson has just been COMPLETELY obliterated.

He's already married. Oy.

and another thing...

I'm having a really hard time with the lack of settled-ness and/or consistency in my life. It's like no matter where I am, I'm missing something somewhere else, in another part of the state, in another part of the world. And I have so much in each place, and I feel so divided.

For a while when I came back to the States, it was like I was living in this beautiful enchanted world, and I was really so happy. But then the lack of permanent started to really bother me, and now it is really bothering me. And I don't want to lose my joy or hope or gentleness or love because of this, but I really feel like some of it is slipping.

And you know, I know that by choosing to follow God I gave up that right to be comfortable and permanent. And I know that God is permanent, but it's just hard having situations constantly morphing around you.

But, the funny thing is...if my life was constant and "normal", I'd probably be complaining too.

Oh, I feel fickle.

obedience

So, it's crazy how many similarities I find between my relationships with the kids that I'm nannying and my relationship with God.

Like today, I was telling the 4-year old that when I ask him to do something, he needs to do it right away. I don't want him to ask "why?" or try to distract me or do it as slowly as possible, but I want him to be quick to obey.

But the whole time I was saying that I was thinking, "am I quick to obey when God asks me to do something?...NO!" and I felt like so sort of hypocritical. But at the same time, it's cool that God is showing me things through this situation.

I just hope that I can apply them. :-)

progress and resistence

Wow, so much is happening and changing.. and sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed.

But you know, even though it's like harder following God.. it's so much better. I don't know how to explain it. Like before, in my life, when I was just kind of hanging out and nonchalantly acknowledging God, I was really quite miserable. Actually, incredibly miserable. BUT, I could do whatever I wanted (to an extent). Like, the conviction wasn't as strong, the responsibility wasn't as much. But I was miserable.

And now that I've really committed my life to serving God (I've told Him that I am committed to Him for the rest of my life regardless of how I feel or whatever, I belong to Him) and in a way it's harder. Because I can't always do what I want or feel like doing. And the conviction is a heck of a lot stronger, and sometimes nearly unbearable (at least until I confess it all or turn away from it or whatever). But I am so much happier. I mean, I don't wake up every day full of joy and rejoicing (maybe someday I will be able to), but I really have so much more joy.

AND I feel like I'm standing on solid ground. Really, I feel more whole. I know I've got a long way to go.. but the progress so far has been quite fulfilling.

So anyways.

I'm glad to be committed to serving God, even if I 'keep offering vain and perilous resistance'. I think I'm beginning to learn.

ACTS 26:14
And when we had all fallen to the ground, I heard a voice in the Hebrew tongue saying to me, Saul, Saul, why do you continue to persecute Me [to harass and trouble and molest Me]? It is dangerous and turns out badly for you to keep kicking against the goads [to keep offering vain and perilous resistance].

crazy

It's crazy, you know. In a good way.

I've been really struggling with doubts and stuff about God and His provision, and it's been pretty rough. But it's like, He's providing for me in spite of my unbelief, and it's crazy.

Like today, I got a job. I didn't even apply. And it just happens to work out with my schedule and everything. And it's only until the 30th of May, so my entire time home isn't taken up. And I will just happen to make the right amount of money I need to pay for the laptop that I bought and cancel that debt. So, I guess I shouldn't say that "I got a job," I should say that GOD GAVE ME A JOB.

And He is providing for me in so many other ways too...a dentist appointment, tax help, medical advice, spiritual advice, LIFE advice.

Seriously crazy, and seriously cool.

In other news. I taught Georgian today. Really, I went into Lynn's class (she's the mom in the family I'm staying with in Everett) and taught her Foreign Language Sampler class. It was pretty cool. I can't believe I taught Georgian. Who would have thought!

Past Life : October 22, 2005

I'm reading through my old journals, so I'm going to post stories that are interesting, or that speak of God or something cool. Okay? :-)

OCTOBER 22, 2005

"So, I was sitting here on my bed and I just kept hearing this pounding. And I couldn't figure out what it was, and then I realized that it sounded like my heart beating. And I listened to the sound, then I listened to my hear and they were the same! And I was really confused. At first I thought that it was like a clock ticking and like my time was running out. But then I remembered the words to this song I wrote (which is in the context of Jesus speaking to me) and it goes, 'So let your lullaby be the beating of My heart and let your eyes sleep.' And I really think it was Christ's heartbeat. Then I thought about how He lives in me, and how awesome that is. Then also, I'm reading this book by Darlene Zschech called, "Extravagant Worship" and this line was there: 'The cause of Christ pumping away in our veins should cause extraordinary praise to the Father.' "

Maybe I sound a little crazy, but I really don't think I am. :-)

american-ness

I got a computer today. It's totally crazy. I feel sort of guilty. But I feel incredibly blessed at the same time. And a little anxious. BUT IT BELONGS TO THE LORD. Let's just pray that I keep that mindset.

American-ness is kicking in. But I'm trying to stand my ground.

I don't want to be surface level and selfish. Really.

umm...

I think it's May day today, or something like that. I just looked it up on Wikipedia, and it's like some pagan, communist, catholic, socialist holiday. They all celebrate it for different reasons or different ways. I think I'll stick with leaving baskets of flowers and candy anonymously on people's doorsteps.

This morning I met with this really cool lady and we had coffee and talked a lot, and we talked about complaining. And I really realized something.

Disclaimer: I know that I complain a lot. But this is just an observation, and I will try to be proactive and put it into practice. :-)

No matter what we complain about, there is probably someone in a worse situation. Like, "Oh, I work TOO much...50 hours a week, and I am so tired." But, there are people even in Georgia who can't get a job and would love to work and make that much money. And stuff like that. And so I'm really starting to think that probably every complaint, or almost every one, has a response to it. And I wonder what would happen if we complained, and then thought about the opposite side of the situation. I wonder how much it would change our perspective.

the good, the bad...and the nephew

I just spent the last 5 days in Ephrata.. it was good and bad.

GOOD because:

I got to see my parents after like 10 months of not seeing them! And they re-did my room and I really like it, it's really pretty! I saw lots of people that I've missed. I got a haircut and stuff.

BAD because:

It's really hard to be in a foreign country, have so much of your life and your heart transformed, and then come back to the place where you grew up. It's a crazy thing, I really do not know how to explain it. And also just the way that I deal with culture shock. It's like I can go into all of the places, like Walmart and see everything and be "okay". But then I'll be getting ready to go to bed and I will feel like my world is going to implode or I'm just going to die or something. It's kind of rough.

But God is SUPER true to His word, when He says that He will answer us when we cry out to Him. It's true, really.

My nephew, Trevor. He's grown SO much since the last time I saw him.

write, dance, fear... PURE

This morning I woke up with this huge desire to write a new post in this blog of mine, but now I can't remember why. I must have had something good I wanted to say, so maybe I will just write and eventually it will come out.

So I've been home for 3 days. But it sort of feels like longer. Not in a bad way though, I'm actually having a really great time! I've seen quite a few of my friends and we've really had a lot of fun. The other night we sort of had a dance party. Yeah, we did all the really hip songs like, "Pharaoh, Pharaoh" and "I'm Trading My Sorrows". Pretty exciting. And last night some friends were over and we had a really great time playing games and throwing a football and everything. I'm really loving it so far.

But, one of my secret fears is that I'm going to hit a wall. Meaning, that I'm going to be having a great time, yay!...and then BAM. I'm like depressed. Or something bad is going to happen, and everything is going to be not so great. And I really don't want that to happen. And I ESPECIALLY don't want to be worried that it's going to happen, because I know that it will distract me from living here and now.

Just now I was thinking: something that is so beautiful is purity. Whether it's purity in a lake, or in someones skin, or in a food, or in love. And I really like it. It's like gentle and refreshing and calming and exciting at the same time. And I really want to have purity in my love in all of my relationships. And not just me, I want everybody to have purity in their love in all of their relationships. It would change the world. It would change my heart. It would change yours.

And you know, God is wholly PURE. It makes me want to like fly or dance or something. And it's so cool how we can see these little things about His character, even if it's for like only a second that we have a great understanding and then it's gone. It's like a phenomenon or something.

buddies

home

I am home. Well, to one home. I have a home in Georgia now too, you know. I'm not too culture-shocked. Well, at one point I felt a little sick to my stomach (because I was so weirded out) but I am okay now. I really love these people here, so it's good to see them. Really.

So, I missed my flight from New York to Seattle, so I had to stay the night there. But the airport paid for my hotel and food and everything, so it turned out really cool. And I made it to Seattle, and some of my friends greeted me with a sign and balloons and it was really sweet.

Dzalian miqvararian (Actually, I don't remember if that's right or not. Darn, I'm forgetting Georgian ALREADY).

I feel a bit like this...

IWILLOVERCOME : Charlie Hall

I can see that my hands are trembling, I can see that my legs are weak
I can see that my head is spinning, but I will overcome
And I know that my heart is hurting, And I know that my soul it aches
And I know that it seems I'm failing, but I will overcome, I will overcome

O Lord I'm strong in You, O Lord I am wise in You
O Lord I can see in You, so I will overcome
O Lord I'm loved by You, O Lord I am free in you
O Lord I'm complete in You
So I will overcome, I will overcome, I will overcome

God listen to me shout, I'm so far from anywhere and I'm calling out
Lead me, lead me to the rock that is higher than I
You're my breath, You're my breath, You're my very life
Infinite, Holy King meets weak and frail--Christ in me
And I will overcome not by my strength but by Your grace and love...

I felt a lot like this yesterday. I guess I still feel like it a little bit (like the whole "my head is spinning" part...) but God is so faithful to teach us and to help us through the times we aren't sure we're going to make it through. Seriously. And something I need to remember that He really showed me yesterday: GOD IS THE SAME HERE IN GEORGIA AND THERE IN THE USA. And that is a greatly comforting thought.

Now, lets see if I can put all of this stuff He's been showing me inside of my heart and be proactive about it.

TWO DAYS.

konferanse & vind

For some reason, my blogger account is in Russian. It's really strange. I mean, I'm using a Russian guy's computer, but I'm logged into MY account...and it's still in Russian. Really strange man.

Anyways, the conference was really great. We talked about trust. We made a lot of good new friends. And had a lot of fun. We took a couple excursions, one to the land we bought for the base here in Tbilisi and it was REALLY windy. But beautiful. And people prayed for the future of Tbilisi and the significance of the land, so it was really great.

And I made some cool friends. There is an outreach team here, they came to help with the conference. Actually, they were on outreach in Armenia and that's why they came to help (because they were close and people were coming anyways)...but it's turned out to be an incredibly great thing! I'm so glad to have met them, and I we've had some good times! They are from a CREATIVE DTS in Norway, so they're dancers and singers and an artist, and it's really cool! I like them. :-)

I leave for the States in less than a week. I'm excited. But a little afraid. But a little numb because I don't really realize that I'm leaving yet. All I can say is that I'm really grateful that I am coming back, because it helps to not have to finalize everything. Really.

But I think I'm excited. God is doing NEW THINGS. And it's COOL.

I wanted to put a picture, but I couldn't get it to work. But it's okay.

cable-car

THE CABLE-CAR

So, when we were in Khulo this last month, we heard that the cable car had been shut-down.

You want to know why? Because the cable is too weak, and it could break anytime.

This is the same cable car that we went on TWICE just in December. And it's the same cable car that stopped half-way in the middle (did I mention it's like the 2nd highest one in Europe or something) because the power went out--but we didn't know that, we thought we were going to die. Seriously. One girl like instantly fell to the floor because she was so scared. I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. Others were like, "oh my goodness...oh my goodness...oh my goodness" and then we started singing worship songs and declaring that we weren't going to die in that cable car. And then a couple minutes later the power came back on and everything was okay.

But I still can't believe they shut it down so soon after we went on. Like, it could have broken with us in it, but it didn't. God protected us and I am really glad. And I'm really glad that nobody else got hurt on it either. SERIOUSLY MAN. :-)

Some pictures from Khulo: December 2006

yay for rubber boots!

villages can make you a little crazy

a bit random

So, someone hacked into my myspace like a day or two ago. And it really makes me wonder why they do it. They just like posted a couple bulletins with advertisements or something. And it was strange. But I changed my password and made it really tricky...so hopefully they won't be able to get in for a little while at least.

I leave Georgia in 10 days. It's coming so soon. But I think it really helps that I know that I am going to be coming back...but still, I know so much is going to change while I'm gone and that's a little weird. But I guess the same thing happened when I left the States. It's all just really strange. But you know, I think that God is really preparing me for coming back (to the States). Just with different situations and stuff. And with different struggles that are coming up all of a sudden. But I really realize that I really need to remember these two things:

HUMILITY and SERVICE

With love covering them both.

inside an orthodox church

Last night I was writing in my journal, and I realized that lately I've been writing a lot of wants (or don't wants). Like: "I want to be ______", or "I don't want to be ______". And I don't know why. Maybe it's so I can remind myself of those things when I look back in my journal later. I hope that it works.

I REALLY WANT TO LOVE PEOPLE.

And last night I had a really strange dream(s). Really.

new--> old--> new--> old--> NEW!...

It's so hard sometimes, to live as new and not as old. But it's so much BETTER to live as new. Even if it feels more comfortable to live as old. How many of you understand me?

Parts of COLOSSIANS 3 (NLT)

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand...You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us... Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

Khulo & Bodbe

I've been running like crazy.

Khulo was awesome. It really felt like home, people were still welcoming, there was still mud, I wore rubber boots...I loved it. And it was a lot warmer than before, which was nice. We also were able to hand out Operation Christmas Child gifts to some of the kids at one of the schools, and it was really cool. I cried a little bit. And I realized how God really sees all of us the same. With a heck of a lot of love in His heart.

And then this last Saturday we visited an orphanage about 2 1/2 hours away from Tbilisi, called Bodbe. It's specifically for kids with mental disabilities...but there were also a lot of children who were perfectly normal. But I LOVED IT. I cannot explain it to you. The kids were wonderful and loving and warm and I just wanted to like hug them forever. It's not a super-nice place, but the ladies who work there to take care of the kids really love them and it's evident, and I think it does a lot for their (kids) mental state. We played games, talked about the life of Jesus and really gave as much love as we could. I want to go back. I want to take them!

But I've been having a great time.

Return from Kutaisi : Leave for Khulo

GELATI (a famous orthodox church) -->

Kutaisi was great. We visited some places, and then we helped with a church meeting (we did dramas and sang songs and talked and stuff). We ate together and gave a lot of toasts and built a lot of relationships.

And tomorrow morning at 8:30am we are leaving to go visit Khulo (it's the village we lived in for one month during outreach) and I am really excited. We're only staying for about 2 days, but I know that it's going to be great.

thirty...kutaisi...self-control

So, like 30 days until I come back to the States...dun dun dun!

I just realized that today...it's crazy how quickly time goes. Seriously.

So, I did get my room packed up and I've been staying with my friend Megan, which has been incredibly cool. And tomorrow morning I'm leaving for Kutaisi. I found out more about it. Basically we're going there to work with a church and to get people excited about telling others about Jesus! So, that should be fun. And I think we are staying in homes with families and stuff, and that's always really super cool. I heard that Kutaisians are really hospitable.

Something that I need/want to learn now and especially before I go to the States is SELF-CONTROL. Don't worry, I'm not like stealing or binge drinking or anything.

Wow, I feel really vulnerable now that I've said that. I guess that's a good thing though--brings humility.

one-two-three

1 Currently I am procrastinating. But what I am supposed to be doing is packing up my room in Vazi. I have to move out for about one week, because before I was here a conference was scheduled. So they need most of the rooms, including mine! But it's actually probably an incredibly good thing, because I am sort of like pre-packing for coming back to the States. So, in the long run, I'm sure that it will be REALLY helpful!


2 What else. This coming week we are going to visit a nearby (3 hours) city, Kutaisi. I don't know exactly what we are going to be doing...I think probably work with a church there and tell people about Jesus. Sounds good to me. And then next week we are going to return to the village Khulo, where we stayed for a month during outreach. I'm really excited to see these people again! I kind of hope that some of the snow will have melted away by now, but I guess we will see.


3 JOY. I really want it, all the time. I'm learning more about it. And I seem to have it more when I look at life with the realization that this isn't all there is. I want it to be contagious. I want to be free to express my joy to God in any way necessary. I want other people to have this same thing. And I want God to smile when He sees what is happening.

if you could do anything for Jesus, what would it be?

There are many people here in Tbilisi, who beg for money. There are a lot of "gypsies", women with babies, people with disabilities or deformities, and there are especially a lot of older people. I think it's attributed to the fact that the pensions here (and I'm sure other places as well), are horrifically small, and many elderly people are unable to work because of physical ailments. So, their last resort is to beg for money.

And a couple of weeks ago I was walking down the street and I saw ahead of me, an old lady who was doing just this outside of a clothing store. She was hunched over on her cane, and she held her hand out in such a way as to beckon people to come and contribute. Some people were moved to compassion and gave her the leftover change in their pants pocket or after their purchase. But many walked by without paying any attention.

I wasn't sure whether or not I should give money, so I asked God, "Lord, what do You want me to do? Should I give her money? How much?". And I walked more, waiting for an answer. I didn't hear anything, so when I came near I stopped and tried to communicate with her the best that I could, in broken, or rather, destroyed Georgian and Russian language. She was hard of hearing and didn't understand me, so I just patted her arm and kept walking. But then I was thinking again, "Lord, if You want me to give money to her, I totally will...just please tell me what you want me to do!" I didn't hear anything. But I felt like I should just give her something, so I went back and gave 2 lari, turned back around and started walking again. But then I asked AGAIN, "Lord, if You want me to give more money to her I will! Just PLEASE tell me how much!" And then I got an answer.

I felt like God asked ME a question (an interesting reversal), "What do you WANT to give to her?" Hmm...

So, I went back to her, gave her the rest of the money that I had in my pocket, tried to tell her to buy healthy food so she can be strong, and then continued on my way.

You may feel free to conclude your own moral of the story, but I wanted to share this experience with you!

seriously spring

The weather here in Tbilisi is getting increasingly beautiful every day (well, sometimes there are the occasional rain showers, but besides that), and it really makes me feel like refreshed or something. Today I decided that spring is my favorite season. Well, I was actually thinking about those surveys that people send you in emails that ask about what your favorite things are and what you want in a boyfriend/girlfriend, and I decided that if I ever got one of those again and if it asked what my favorite season was, I would say, "Spring!"

On a different, slightly more serious note, God showed me this particular Bible verse the other day:

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed
by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and
approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will."
Romans 12:2 (NIV)

And it really hits home for me. I really don't want to conform to this "world", but I also don't want to just conform to premade Christianity. Like, I want to have a relationship with Jesus that is real and alive and intimate and unique...I want something deeper. This is just sort of what I'm thinking about these days. Like, God is SO big and so there must be like so many dimensions to having a relationship with Him, right? I don't know...what do you think?

musical airplanes with a beautiful perspective

I feel like I'm going a little crazy.

I need to hear music man. I don't what it is about me. But, it's like I just need it. But I don't have a computer and I don't have a CD player and it's making me just a little crazy. But I'm listening to music now as I'm using Caitlin and Andrew's computer (they're the American couple that's living in the same building as me, they were my DTS staff and outreach leaders) and it helps. It's really strange you know. I mean, yeah I hear music like in taxis or at other places, but there is just something about choosing what you want to listen to. I don't know. Maybe this is a pointless thing to talk about, but it's what I'm thinking now.

So, I am leaving Georgia April 19th, I talked to my travel agent yesterday. Part of me is really excited. But part of me is really a little afraid. And you know the strange thing is that I feel very similar to the way I did when I was coming TO Georgia. The details are different, but it's a very similar feeling. Which is kind of showing me that I need to apply the lessons I learned LAST time and have some peace in Christ.

Today there was a Bible seminar about who Jesus really is, in the building I live in. And it was interesting, even though I heard all of those things before, it was still like really good to hear. But, there was a blind man who came and so I talked to him a little bit, in Georgian/Russian and he knew a little English. And he said something, and this is my summary/application to everyone. WE can be beautiful people. Maybe we're physically beautiful. Maybe our hearts are beautiful. Maybe our words reflect our beauty. But when Jesus lives inside us, we are a million-trillion-gagillion times MORE beautiful than any of that. When Jesus lives inside of us. And it's so true. In my relationship with God, I have found that there is this gentleness and peace and softness and I cannot even explain the utter beauty of it.

And also today we were talking about how there really aren't words to describe God because He is so great, and things like the Trinity are so beyond our understanding, and I just had this picture in my mind. Like, that I was in heaven (sorry no description of what I saw heaven to be, I didn't really see that, I just knew I was there) and I was looking back to that exact moment when we were doing our best to try to describe God, and I thought how childish it was. Childish not because it was stupid, but because it was so true that words couldn't describe God. Because at that moment it was like I knew that I had seen God since I was in heaven and I realized just how far beyond our words He reaches. And it was so strange to think in that perspective. But it was just a moment. That heavenly understanding of God was not locked into my brain, I guess it's like waiting for me...probably in heaven with God, yeah?

peanut butter and plans

So, I really feel like I'm supposed to come home in April. Which is good, because it is sooner than May. And I am really excited to see people and eat as much peanut butter as I want. :-)

But I'm noticing that I'm starting to think like, "ohh...what about this?...and this? ...and this?" and it's making me a little crazy. Well, not crazy, just a little distracted I guess. It's like what it was like in June, but the reversal, it's really strange. But hopefully I will be able to trust God with it all at least a little more so that some things will be easier!

And other news, I guess I've officially been accepted as YWAM staff here in Georgia now (I filled out application and my references were my outreach leaders) and so yeah. It's cool. But as usual (in my life at least I've noticed this), now that I'm accepted I'm starting to really wonder, "Is this REALLY what God wants me to do?!" And you know, I really think it's where He is leading me, but it's not solid/concrete. Maybe that's His way of keeping me on my toes, always trusting in Him and not in my own plans. Because He could change it all, but I really hope not...but I will have to obey if He does!

I know that He plans good things for us, maybe there aren't good things that happen along the way...but I know that He really loves and He really cares and He really understands. So I know that I can trust Him, even when I don't feel like trusting (because trusting takes faith and sometimes faith is lacking).

what's goin' on...

Tonight I'm going over to Mark & Carole's (they're one of the Campus Crusade missionary families here in Tbilisi) to watch Lord of the Rings : Two Towers, and I guess you could say I'm pretty excited. :-) It should be fun. They said that maybe they would call it the "J-Party" because Jenni, Julie, Joel, (Jake and John are 2 of their kids) are going to be there. Hey hey!

Last night we had Bible study for some university students, and it was pretty cool. We sang worship songs in Georgian, and talked a lot about life and stuff. At one point, it got a little crazy though: some of the students started a little side discussion in Georgian about whether or not everything we're going to do is written in a book by God or something like that. But I know that God was there, regardless of the other little distractions and stuff. I just really see how focusing on all of the little details that really are not essential to a new relationship with Jesus, can totally cause you to miss the point and make you discouraged, so it's something to try to watch out for. So, Mark (he was leading) just tried to refocus back to talking about the fact that God really did create us with a purpose, and that He has the answers we're looking for about why we're alive. It was good.

And tomorrow I'm going on a hike with a university student (who knows really good English because she's attending some American-ish university in Tbilisi or something), and then I'm helping lead worship at the international church. And then my friend Megan and I (she's a missionary here too, but with a different organization) are going to do something fun. So, tomorrow should be a good day too.

:-)

kleenex and relationships

Last night I took my clothes out of the washing machine to hang them up to dry, and I discovered that I once again, washed a kleenex with them. And you know, you would think I would have learned my lesson. It happened once before too and I made a mental note to always check pockets for those notorious kleenexes, but I guess I got lazy and forgot. And now I have quite the mess to clean up. But, I think everything will be okay in the end...hopefully the stuff will come off really easy after everything is dry. And last night as I was dealing with this issue, I concluded that washing a kleenex with your laundry, is kind of like sin. Because when you sin, it gets everywhere and messes up many things, but praise the Lord that God can clean us off in a second.

Tonight I'm going to a Bible study that the Campus Crusade missionaries have started here, and they're going through the Purpose-Driven Life (they have copies in Georgian). I've never actually read the book, and in the past I was actually kind of opposed to it because it seemed too trendy or something, and everyone was starting the "Purpose-Driven _____" and I didn't like it. But I've started to read it, and I think it's really good, especially for people in orthodox culture, because it talks abot God in a relational way. A very high percentage of Georgians call themselves "Christians", but many of them live for nothing more than rules and rituals. And now that I think about it, I'm classifying this as an orthodox characteristic, but it's also a Western one too. "Read this book!...Attend this youth program!...Say these words!..." Something super important that I've really been learning about my relationship with God, is that it's just that. RELATIONSHIP. Not rules. Not rituals. Relationship.

me kartveli var...martla!

Yesterday Diana & Ira (my roommates from DTS) came and are staying with me now. It's awesome to be able to see them again and talk and laugh and eat chocolate! And tonight they taught me how to make borsche...because us Americans are like starving here! ;-) But, it was actually really exciting because now I feel more like a woman...or at least more something!

This morning we went to the School of Tomorrow (it's a Christian-focus school that is kind of hard to explain, but our base leader has been partnering with the founder of the school for a long time)...anyways, we went there and sat in on some conversational English classes. They are really short, but we use the Bible...the kids read, and then we ask questions. The topic today was baptism, which is very interesting to discuss in an orthodox country! But yeah, Dennis (base leader) wants to get us ready so that we can teach the class and stuff. It is pretty cool.

And then we went and visited our friend Nino. And then I went to Georgian lessons. My teacher and I talked about globalization and now I'm learning how to tell time and 52 adjectives in Georgian. Oh, and I finally found a medium sized Georgian-English dictionary for 17 lari...so I bought it. I think it is definitely a good investment.

Then we walked a little bit, came home, talked, prayed, made borsche, ate cake and drank tea. It was a really good day.

:-)

working out the kinks

In response to my last post, I'd like to say that GOD IS WORKING out the kinks. :-)

Of course it is difficult when you really really realize that you aren't in control of everything around you (Sometimes, at least I...but I'm sure everyone, we convince ourselves subconsciously or consciously that we are in control of the things that are happening in our lives. But that is in fact a lie, and so when reality hits, even when you know the truth but maybe aren't quite accepting it, it can hurt a little). But I know that in view of eternity, I would rather relinquish control to God and trust that if I follow where He leads, the outcome will be great...than try to plan my own future and have to spend the rest of my life cleaning up the debris.

And so, in redirecting my life (from where I was taking it), God has sort of begun to close a relationship, continue a few old ones, directed me to quit Turkish lessons, brought up an opportunity to practice teaching a little bit, and is reminding me that I am doing this all for HIM.

I can really say that I've sort of forgotten it. Like, I'm so used to living here in Georgia now and doing all this stuff, that I sometimes think that it's "just my life". Which is true, but it's "just my life...which I AM LIVING FOR HIM." And I really think I'd better wake up and live in that knowledge every second of the day.

So, I guess there are a lot of changes happening in every area...whether it's a change of schedule or a smack of understanding. And I really thank God for all of it. I'm so glad that God is not just "God up in heaven"...but that He is God in heaven, and He is God in my heart, and He is God who understands what it's like to be a human, and He is God who LOVES us unboundedly. Really.

And a story that I read from a book & posted a while ago...but that is worth being reminded of:

"I need oil," said an ancient monk, so he planted an olive sapling. "Lord," he prayed, "it needs rain that its tender roots may drink and swell. Send gentle showers." And the Lord sent gentle showers. "Lord," prayed the monk, "my tree needs sun. Send sun, I pray thee." And the sun shone, gilding the dripping clouds. "Now frost, my Lord, to brace its tissues," cried the monk. And behold, the little tree stood sparkling with frost but at evening it died. Then the monk sought the cell of a brother monk, and told his strange experience. "I, too, planted a little tree," he said, "and see! It thrives well. But I entrust my tree to its God. He who made it knows better what it needs than a man like me. I laid no condition. I fixed not ways or means. 'Lord, send what it needs,' I prayed, 'storm or sunshine, wind, rain, or frost. Thou hast made it and Thou dost know.' "

everything gonna be okay

So, I guess I can write right now about some things.

Ending is a difficult thing to do. As our leaders put it, it's like leaving the fluffy white cloud of DTS and crashing back down to earth, the "real world". People aren't going to understand you when you talk about certain things. They're going to expect you to react in certain ways, even though you've changed...and it's all hard to handle.

Praise the Lord that I'm not going through that yet (since I'm still in Georgia), but I'm still dealing with it all. For the past 5 1/2 months I've had INTENSE activity and everything and I've shared my room with 2 of the coolest girls God created, and I had a schedule (AKA structure...I like...!) and yeah. But now, those things are like gone. Well, in a sense.

I did a pretty good job of filling up my schedule this last week with lots of things. Turkish lessons. Meeting with a friend. Small group. Georgian lessons. Prayer meeting. Another meeting with a friend. And more. And it was good at the time...but now I'm tired and I feel like my brain and my heart are both in incredible pain.

So, I need to process DTS...but I'm afraid to. And I'm not exactly sure how to do it. And my brain and my heart are tired. And I'm so grateful that God is giving me time though...like, I didn't just get shot back to the U.S.! I have a chance to deal with part of the struggle here (and be with cool people too, you know...Georgians!) and then once that's worked out, I get to deal with the other part back home.

God TOTALLY knows me. He knows what I can handle, and I am SOOOOOOOOOO grateful for that. I really love Him.

So, even things are rough right now...I know 'everything gonna be okay'! This experience/time/situation will turn into something beautiful that I can hang on the wall of my heart.

rollin' on the river

Our YWAM Base Leader (Dennis) and the DTS girls!

So things are crazy, busy and good!

I guess the only real negative thing is that I haven't really given myself a chance to stop and process all that happened during DTS...but I think I'm going to start today.

So, when I say busy I mean this. I've started taking Turkish language lessons, Georgian language lessons, I am part of 2 girl's small group things (1 that I joined and 1 I am starting), meeting with people just to have fun, helping out with the English speaking church...and stuff like that! But, it's been pretty cool. I've decided that I really need to get a planner though!

And I seem to have a sort of writer's block or something. I mean, there are really interesting things that happen in my life, and that have happened, but I just can't seem to get them out here. Ya niznayo pachimu. I just do not know why. Maybe I've forgotten English or something. I mean, I don't know..but maybe...?

:-)

Tbilisi, Georgia DTS Graduating Class of 2007 (with leaders too!)

maybe

So I know that I promised that I would post stories and stuff that happened. But I'm just not ready yet. But, I'm sure they'll come out as time goes by.

We have our DTS graduation on Friday, and then the school will be over. It's totally crazy! But, I'm really excited though at the same time because there is so much hope and excitement for the future. Like, I'm ready for the next journey God wants to take me on! And it's going to be awesome, I know!

"Every word of God is pure; He s a shield to those who put their trust in Him." Proverbs 30:5

This really made sense to me this morning. Meaning, I really understood it in my mind and my heart. Cool, uh?

i'm back!

Hello everyone! I've finally returned back to Tbilisi after one month in Khulo (a village in the Adjara region) and one month in Turkey! I don't know who is still reading this, but maybe readership will improve if I start to write more!

Hopefully sometime soon I will write briefly about various things that happened in the last 2 months and what's happening now in my life. I gotta go for now, but I will start soon.

So, please keep reading!

here I am!

Hello everyone...I am alive! It's been one month since I've used the internet and I'm having a hard time typing, but I will do my best to update you all on what has been happening!

OVERVIEW of Khulo:
We just spent one month in this place called Khulo. It's a town, but also a region because there are many villages surrounding it. It was taken over by the Turkish about 300 years ago, and was freed sometime after that. Because of the Turkish influence, most of the people there are Muslim. But they are not very "hard" Muslims, most of them just have the name and keep some of the traditions, although there are some who are very strong. In the midst of all of that, there is a little orthodox church, and a priest who has started an orthodox school with quite a few students in attendance. So, there's sort of a religious transition happening. Many people aren't satisfied with Islam and are seeking the truth, seeking Jesus! And we had a part in that.

WHAT We Did in Khulo:
The first weeks that we were there we spent mostly building relationships. It really wasn't very difficult, because for a while we had people over almost every night! It was cool, exhausting and a great opportunity all at the same time! We also visited the mosque, the orthodox church and the orthodox school. And after we built relationships, we spent the rest of the time maintaining them! Our contact Mendia was (and still is!) a blessing from God! He has a large family and a lot of influence in Khulo, and so when we were with him, everything was okay! And God knew all of that too, because in the 3rd week of our time there, He prayed and gave His life to Jesus! There were also 2 other people who prayed (Mendia's mom and a girl named Shorena), and many more heard and saw what having a relationship with Jesus is really about. And it was way cool!

WHAT Is Next For Khulo:
I think this is just the start of what God is going to do in Khulo! But even the start is an amazing thing to see! When we first arrived, Mendia was very standoffish, and he seemed sort of worried about us. But after we were straightforward with him-- told him we weren't Jehovah's Witnesses and told him why we were really there-- and the more time he spent with us, our relationship with him grew! And in the last days he recounted all of that to us! He told us of his fear of us coming, and of his trouble relating to people anyways...but how we overcame all of that (or how GOD overcame all of that!). And we had a very sweet goodbye with him and his family. I really believe that Mendia and his family will participate largely in God's work in Khulo, and it's way exciting!

It's so hard to describe 30 days of living in a village and doing what we did, so know that this is only a brief account!

WHAT I Learned in Khulo:
SO, in addition to all of that I learned: how to wash all of my clothes by hand, how to very proficiently use a squatty potty and I also dropped a flashlight down one, how to run the "petchka" (wood-burning stove), how to make really good Turkish coffee, how to take a shower without a...shower and also experienced many things! I was very sick one night, but I won't into the details of that...just know that it was a totally new experience for me! Also, we went on a cable car...I think it is like the 2nd highest in Europe or something. Yeah, that was cool. Especially when it stopped right in the middle and we all were certain we were about to face death. But, praise the Lord, we didn't! The other day we hiked 6 kilometers (12 there and back) in the snow (like a lot of snow) to a village where we ate some amazing food! Oh, I got engaged to a 4 year old boy named Aleko (he's Mendia's nephew). And so many other things!

So needless to say, I've learned a lot and grown a lot and I'd love to show you some pictures, but I can't right now! Hopefully when I get back to Tbilisi!

AND NOW...I'm in Batumi in an internet cafe, the 2nd one for today actually. My friend Diana and I found the first one and I was doing fine, but then she said that some of the boys wanted to do drugs, so we left. And now I'm here!

Tomorrow morning at 8am, we're going to start traveling to Turkey. It will probably be around a 12-16 hour trip depending on how crossing the border goes, how many times we need to stop to use the bathroom and so on! But, we will be heading to Samsun where we will partner with a local church there.

While in Turkey, I will have the opportunity to use the internet...but I'm not sure how it will work out. Turkey is a closed country, meaning for example, that it is illegal for me to talk about any non-Muslim religion with anyone under the age of 18. And that also means that internet is not really secure there, and so I'm not sure how I will be able to communicate, I will have to see what happens and what the people at the church say!

But, if you don't hear from me for another month, please don't worry...just pray!

And please just pray for us as a team, for unity and for strength as we go into a place that is very spiritually difficult! And for our safety, and for the safety of the people we will be working with. And for God's hand to be over everything!

Thank you so much for sticking with me! I thank God for you!

Until next time, MUCH LOVE AND MANY BLESSINGS!

billions and bags

Well, this might be my last post for a while.

But, things are going pretty good here. But a little crazy...finally finishing lecture phase, cleaning up our building that we've been in, packing to leave for outreach and more and more!

Last week our topic for lectures was "missions". I don't really know how to summarize, or explain it, but it was really cool and really inspiring. And I learned that there are--

2.2 billion people --> (2,200,000,000) that have not heard of Jesus Christ.

And maybe that's not news to you, but for some reason it is to me. I think subconsciously I thought that almost everyone had at least HEARD of Jesus (maybe that's ignorant of me)...but now that I realize, I understand a lot more. Or maybe a little more. But I understand more why we are called to go shine the light for these people...or maybe I'm just beginning to understand. I hope that in a few years I'll "get it" so much more than I do now.

Growth.

So, something less serious, but definitely exciting that happened last week: I was on Skype (for those of you that haven't gotten it yet, you definitely should) and all of a sudden someone that I didn't know was calling me. So, I answered and this guy was like, "hello, I'm Nadi!" and so I asked him who he was and he said he was from Jordan. But then I told him I had to go, because I was getting ready to make another phone call (which was really true). And so later I looked at his profile and he wrote something like "looking for a good girl for nice wife". But with a lot of spelling mistakes and a lot more hope or something behind it. Crazy.

Also, finished reading, "Blue Like Jazz" and I really like it. I basically really liked it after I read the first page, but I really really liked it after I read the whole thing. I definitely recommend it.

And ALSO, last night my friend Megan (she's an Assemblies of God missionary here...I met her at the English speaking church) let me wash and DRY my clothes. You do not realize how cool that is! My clothes haven't seen a dryer for over 5 months...and I was so used to crunchy jeans and shirts. But, oh the glory of soft ones! I am very grateful for that.

So to finish my intitial though...this is probably my last post for a while because we are leaving for outreach tomorrow (Sunday) night. We're going to take a train to Batumi and then sometime in the days after that, go to the village, Khulo. We're planning on staying there for 4 weeks and then we'll go to Turkey for about 5 weeks. And then after that, we'll return to Tbilisi for 1 week. And then DTS will be finished.

Wow.

And then I'm planning on staying here till April-ish, but I guess we will see what God does, you know?!

Okay, so maybe check back in 2 1/2 months (well you can check sooner than that if you want, but who knows how often I'll be able to update) and hopefully I will have written something.

My heart goes out to you! Wow, that sure sounds cute.

:)

buddhists and boots

So, last night I was in this magazine. Well, that's the Russian word for "store" or "shop" and I thought it sounded cool to say I was in a magazine.

Anyways, so there was this lady in there and somehow we discovered we both spoke English and so she asked me what I thought of the boots she wanted to buy, and I said they were nice. I also told her to definitely get the brown ones NOT the black ones, and as far as I know, she did.

But that's not why I bring her up.

This last week at DTS we learned about evangelism, and earlier in the day we had gone out witnessing and so I was sort of hyped up and I had my nice little tract about the 4 spiritual laws in my pocket. And in class we had learned these 2 like starter questions or whatever: 1: If you died tonight, how sure on a scale from 1 to 100 would you be that you would go to heaven? and 2: If you were standing before God and He asked you WHY He should let you into heaven, what would you say?

So, I was talking to her and I told her about my school and what I was doing here. And that opened it up a bit for me to ask something about spirituality, since she already knew I was a non-Mormon, non-Jehovah's Witness Christian. Well, I found out she was a Buddhist of sorts and so I could sort of tell that she really wouldn't want to read through my little tract with me, so I asked her that first question (see above). And her first response was, "well...I'm going to be reincarnated." So, I rephrased it to say, "IF there was a God and IF you were going to heaven how sure would you be, on a scale from 1 to 100 that you would get in?" and she said, "90." And I asked her why and she said something like, "Because I haven't done anything REALLY bad, at least compared to other people."

So, I was like okay. And I asked her the 2nd question, but it didn't really work out because it got all loud and stuff. So, then in a last atempt to talk about Jesus I asked her if she wanted to read a book that talked about Christianity a bit, and she didn't. And she said something about how she had grown up in a Christian community or something like that and they way she said it made it seem like it had been a really negative thing. So, I just told her this.

I said something like, "You know, God really loves you and He has a plan for your life. I know that there are many Christians who misrepresent Christ--I know that I have! They say, 'Jesus loves you!' but then the condemn you a lot and stuff. And I just want you to know that that's not what God is like! And on behalf of all those people who have misrepresented Christ (including myself), I ask for your forgiveness."

She said that I was forgiven and I could tell she really just wanted to get out of there. So, I stopped and started talking about the boots again. She said that she needed to get some money out of the cash machine and I told her where there was one and she left real quick.

I tell this because I don't think I've ever actually talked to or known a person (or maybe I did, but we didn't talk about) that believed that they would be reincarnated but still thought that if they were going to heaven they'd have a 90% chance. It was really interesting. I mean, you see those responses in videos like "Way of the Master", but it's so different seeing it in real life.

But you know, when she said that she was going to be reincarnated, I sensed a sort of doubt. I don't know really how to explain it, but it was like she was saying it, but in the back of her mind sort of not even reallly sure yet.

So afterwards I just prayed that God would bring another person, or maybe more people, into her life that would continue to bring up the topic of God and Jesus and that she would really come to know Him. I know that God wants her to know Him and have a relationship with Him more than I want her to know Him. You know?

So yeah. I also got some really sweet boots too. They have fake fur on the inside and they are warm.

one story and a half

So, since I have not written very much lately (undoubtedly causing a decline in my readership <--are any of those words used correctly?!), I really want to make some sort of effort to rebuild it.

But, I'm not sure how much I am going to be able to post when I'm on outreach (which happens in 9 days), but oh well.

SO ANYWAYS: One day, it was a Friday, a mini-outreach day--we went to a mosque for our outreach. Just to visit and see what it's like (since we're going to Turkey) and it was pretty cool man. Well, the man's reaction was pretty cool. He was like the administrator or something and I really don't think he knew that we were Christians. But, our leader had talked to him a bit and so he agreed to let us come in and look. The girls were even allowed to go into the men's worship place. So we asked questions, he answered them. And THEN...

my leader stepped forward and began to tell him that we were Christians and that we were just wanting to visit (it was more well-spoken and full of content than that, but I can't remember) and the man's eyes all of a sudden got kind of big. And his composure changed. But not in a bad way.

It was like he was completely shocked that CHRISTIANS would go and visit a MUSLIM MOSQUE and not condemn them or throw eggs at them or something. And it was pretty cool. He was very open still and very nice.

We went to leave and one of the guys' shoes was missing. WE found out that one of the street dogs had come in and taken it. But we got it back.

Then later we were walking down Rustaveli, and decided to hang out a big (AKA eat at McDonalds). And on the way, I met some of the gypsy kids I had met a while before when we were downtown. Well, it actually started because there was a little gypsy girl, probably like 2 or 3 just standing on her blanket on the sidewalk (the moms sit a little ways away--enough to watch them to make sure they don't get taken or hurt, but far enough where people can't see them). I was just sort of talking to her, although I'm sure she didn't understand me. But then all of a sudden this mob of gypsy kids came. Well, maybe not a mob. I'd say 10+ and I knew one or two of them from before.

SOME beautiful GYPSIES AND ME (and Nino)!

So, I asked if they were hungry, they said yes (of course) and so I began walking down the street, arm in arm with some of them, looking for a khatchapuri place. We found one and then the above picture was taken. We said our goodbyes and our group kept walking.

But then I ran into another one of the girls that I met before. The first time we met her she said that her eye was bothering her, and so Nino prayed for her that she would be healed. Nothing happened at the time. But when we saw them this time, they told Nino (or one of the Georgians and then I heard) that her eye was fine. That's pretty amazing man! So anyways, this girl was with 3 others and I asked if they were hungry and they said yes (of course). So I bought them some bananas. But they were still hungry, so I bought them some khatchapuri.

And people thought they were stealing from me or something, but I really don't think they were. People characterize gypsies (even I did/do at times) saying that they ALWAYS steal and they don't have a conscience about it and blah blah blah. But you know what, when I talked to those kids, and those girls especially, I saw something in them. I saw that they are real people too. And maybe that sounds ridiculous to say that, because "of course they're real people". But I can tell you honestly that I have had thoughts that they maybe weren't. Not directly, but thoughts that implied that. And I know that other people do. Like the people that walk by them everyday, throwing a coin in their cup, but not even looking at them...not even for a second.

Anyways, I know that God loves them and I really pray and am willing to take action if God calls, to do something that can help them get out of the viscious cycle they are in and restore their dignity and repuatation.

But yeah, so that was one story and a half.

something great

Well, we are basically 99.9% sure where we are going for outreach.

For about the first month, Khulo. It's a mainly Muslim village in the Adjarian region of Georgia, high up in the mountains, where they sometimes get up to 2 meters of snow and sometimes have no snow at all. I'm not entirely sure what we're going to do up there, but at least we know we're going. Right now, there is this man named Jamari here, he's 66 years old and has been working with the people in the village (evangelizing, I assume) for a while. So, he is going to be going with us up there to help us get around and to help us not offend too many people by our DTS-ways.

And for the second part, Turkey. Probably Trabzon and/or Samsun. Again, we're not sure what we'll be doing. But we're sure we're going (at least I think we're sure).

But in any case, we leave on the 26th of this month, prepared or not. But I am certain that we will be fine!

This last Saturday Keti and I (and Wes, but he left kind of halfway through) went shopping for outreach clothes, mostly at second-hand shops, and it was really cool man. Good deals, and I got quite a bit of stuff. But, I hope that we will all have enough money to get the things we need...we will...some way or another!

WHAT ELSE>>>>

The other day I re-read "The Great Divorce" by C.S. Lewis, and I realized that I really DO really like it. I read it once a year or so ago, and was pretty amazed, but I haven't read it since...so I was inspired to again and did. I would totally quote some really intellectual and/or touching passage out of it, but Andrew & Caitlin are reading it now. That's alright though.

AND ONE MORE THING>>>>

What inspired me to read that book again was our 24-hour prayer/fast we had here at DTS. We started at 3pm last Friday and went until 3pm on Saturday. We each signed up for 2 one-hour slots, and prayed for outreach and many other things. It was a pretty amazing thing, man! And WHY THAT INSPIRED ME: the first time I read "The Great Divorce" was like right before I was convicted to have my first fast, and it was really a step toward God, or maybe just more brake-power in my walk away from Him. Either way, shortly after I read that book God turned me around so that I was at least heading in His relative direction (I think I walked rather crookedly and of course for a while, and still do at times).

But anyways, yeah.

3 things...

...that have changed since I've come to Georgia:

NOW...

1. Persimmons are my favorite fruit
2. I actually really like tomatoes
3. I iron my jeans

:)

RELINQUISH: voluntary cease to keep or claim

ME AND MY ROOMMATES: DIANA AND IRA

So, yesterday I realized that there are a lot of things I really miss from the States...even things that I either really didn't like when I was there, or things that I didn't do very often. Like, for example, yesterday I had the hugest desire to go to the mall and to paint pottery with Micahlyn. And always I have the most hugest desire to drive.

I think it's because this week we're talking about "giving up your rights". Like, giving up your right to be comfortable and in your culture, and giving up your right to be married, giving up your right for a "good reputation" and giving up your right to live. I don't mean like never having those things, but just like TOTALLY surrendering them to God. Relinquishing them into His hands and trusting that He will take care of them, and that He will do what He knows is best...but doing all of that and still maintaining responsibilities. It's a really interesting concept, and a hard one. I mean, I can say that I trust God with my potential, or not potential marriage, but really I struggle to do that. You know, you meet a someone you like and you wonder, "will he be my husband?" Or trusting God with my life, when you do that, you are free from the fear of death, and I can say that that is not true for me! So, it's been good to talk and think about this stuff.

And something I really need to give up this very moment is my desire (it's definitely not a right) to control the other students! I struggle to find a balance between like seeing something wrong and mentioning it, and being a nagging-grandmother. I'm not proud of it, and it really is a hard thing to deal with...but I know I need to give it up.

But GOOD NEWS: This morning I was reflecting back on some things in my life, and one instance, or group of similar instances, popped up. I remember when I first started going to EdCC and I went and visited one of my friends in downtown Seattle. When we would talk, somehow partying (like getting drunk) would come into play, and each time I really wanted to say, "no, I'm really not interested in that kind of thing"...but I was too afraid! Maybe afraid that I would look like not "cool" or something, or just unsure about what I even wanted because as a believer in Jesus I was way of course. Anyway, I remember how I was then, and then viewed how I am now. Like, I don't think that I would really struggle with that now. I'd be like, "no way man!". And it's just really encouraging to see these different areas in which Christ has grown and built up my character thus far. I realized how much Jesus really is my REDEEMER, and what that redemption really meant. Eta ochen harasho.

my poem

Lord, there are so many times when I disobey
And then can't see past my feelings at all
Feelings of frustration, disappointment and sometimes even hate
Caused by my amazing ability to fall

But Jesus I know this is why you came
To rise above all the confusion and pain
It's like Paul says in your book, 'Of all the sinners, I am the worst'
And through this example you have displayed

MORE THAN I COULD HOPE FOR

I see your unlimited patience for those who would be saved
And I pray Lord Jesus, that for me you'd do the same
I know I don't deserve it, but oh Lord I pray
That for me you'd do the same

announcement + other things

ANNOUNCEMENT: For those of you who have fast internet and want to talk to me here in Georgia for free, get a microphone for your computer --> www.skype.com --> download "skype" --> and add me (jennifer.cook). It's pretty amazing to think that you're talking to someone halfway across the world for free. And also I can call phones in America for 2 cents a minute...crazy, I know.

OTHER THINGS: I'm feeling really rather uninspired to write anything here, which is strange because a lot has been happening. We are in our 4th week of school, and things are still going really well for the most part. I think now we are all getting comfortable enough with each other that we feel we can be "ourselves", which is great. But also some interpersonal conflicts are forming, which can be kind of stressful...but basically inevitable. We live in small quarters, are together practically all the time, and are all very different (although quite complimentary). But, I trust that God will really teach us through it all, and that once we get through this, we will be able to handle ones in the future a lot better.

OH and I think I'm turning into a Georgian, or something. Like, the other day we were having a break and for a snack I ate bread with mayonaise and pickled pepper on it. Of course the Georgian mayonaise is a lot different than the States (it's REALLY good) but I was just like, "what is happening to me?". And I say things like "oy mey". But it's really great though. I am definitely still more American than Georgian, but it feels good to be fitting into the culture a little more! :)

Although I still can't totally handle the BIG market. I mean, I go, and I've gone on my own to buy vegetables and stuff...but on Monday I went to do shopping for the school food and I about died because we had to get meat too. Usually I just avoid the meat section completely, but I couldn't this time. There were like skinned whole pigs lying in rows on tables (no refrigeration for hardly anything by the way), chickens with some feathers and necks and parts that should be attached still attached, and all sorts of internal organs of like cows and stuff, and big HUGE bones, like legs of cow. And this one guy I walked by, and he took this huge cow leg-bone (I think that's what it was), puts it on a block of wood and starts swinging an axe at it in the middle of the market! It's kind of crazy.

Alright, that's all for now.

growing pains

So, here we are in our 3rd week of DTS already. It's going by actually kind of fast. Of course when I'm sitting in lecture for hours it doesn't always seem like that, but now in retrospect it does. I really like it a lot, and I know that I am learning and attempting to grow from what I've learned.

John 15:1-2 "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

I know that God is pruning me with a purpose in mind. Although, I don't really know what that purpose it is. And I know that the pruning is good for my heart. Although it doesn't feel very good. But I do want to change and I do want to become more fruitful for HIM!

SO yeah! Other news: The team from the States is here (Steven, Diane, Sue, Melissa, Peggy and Tony & Samuel), and it's been great seeing them. I was able to spend most of the weekend with them, and it was really awesome. I probably won't see them a whole lot this week, because of the lecture content (it's more in depth and like heart cleaning than most of the others...so I'll probably be spending more time focusing on that) but hopefully this weekend I will be able to spend time with them, and they are coming to my DTS in one week! So, it's ochen klassna!

Okay, nachwamdeese.

THE FIRST GEORGIAN DTS CLASS EVER!
[L-R: Diana, Keti, me , Ira, Nino. In back: Wes. In Front: Zura.]

how things go

So, today is the end of the first week of DTS (well, it's only Friday...but we don't have classes on Saturday or Sunday). It went well, and I know that it will get better. This week was mainly like lectures about the hows and whys of what we do, and lots of "guidelines" and stuff, although there was some good teaching. But starting on Monday, we're going to actually talk about like real stuff and that will be good.

I have 2 roommates, Deanna (23) and Ira (21), I'll put pictures of us later. They're both Georgian. Diana speaks quite a bit of English, but she just hasn't had any time to practice...so it's good for her to be in a room with me! By the time DTS is over, she will be like totally fluent you know! And Ira speaks a little bit of English, but with the 3 of us, we communicate alright. But, I really do like them both a lot! At first I was a little worried, because they are the 2 girls that I knew the least, but God knows what He is doing...:)

The school is being done in English and Russian (because Keti translates into Russian better than into Georgian). But people still speak Georgian to each other sometimes, and when I go out I hear mostly Georgian. But it's starting to be a little confusing...I can usually tell if they're speaking Georgian or Russian, but I'm finding that I'm starting to speak "Russgian". Not that I'm like really speaking a whole lot...but, still. But it's good though. Hopefully by the end of the school I'll know something more.

As far as DTS dts goes, I struggle a bit with a few things (like community living for example: we have 1 hour of required quiet time a day, but there is so much going on, some people aren't doing their's and there aren't a whole lot of places to go and be undistracted...but I'm learning). But for the most part I really like it. We have intercession and it's an awesome time to pray and to learn more about prayer, and we have work duties and it's been amazing to see how willing people are to help. Like even if they've done their work duty for the day already, they will still help you. There's a lot of humilty (well, I guess we'll see at the end of the school if it really is humility you know. Like, if by the 12th week people are still helping, it will really be true humility). And I've just been able to see God more and I know that He is drawing me closer to Him and I LOVE IT. Really, it's amazing. And also this group of people is just great. We're all so different and have such different giftings and everything, but at the same time we (for the most part) get along really well. We laugh a lot, and I love that too!

And another thing that I Really like about DTS is Fridays (or it could be Saturday or Sunday) we have a time for doing some outreach (that will be sort of like what we will do during the outreach phase) and today we went down to the School of Tomorrow (it's a Christian English school for Georgians) and just worked on the place. Nino and I painted a fence. And while it wasn't necessarily the most fun I've ever had in my entire life, I like that we're learning how to serve. We will do different things each week, and I know we will all learn a lot.

So yeah, there are some hard times but I really do like DTS, and I really do like the people and I really do like this country. I guess I'll write more as more happens. Eta ochen harasho.

it's strange you know

It's strange, you know: It seems like this is happening more and more. This meaning, situations where I'm trying to be flexible. But even though I'm trying to be flexible, there always seems to be one thing that I really don't want to happen, for various reasons. So, in a way I try to just imagine it all working out okay, but subconciously it's like I know that the outcome is going to be exactly what I didn't want to happen. And that's what happens.

For example, when I was flying to Georgia, I REALLY didn't want my luggage to get lost (no one really does). But I REALLY didn't want my luggage to be lost, but I sort of felt like it was going to, and it was. And just stuff like that. I think it's like God sees that the situation will build my character and not kill me, so he allows it to happen. And maybe I just see that it could be a big character building experience too, even though I really don't want it to happen, but I also see what God has been doing in my life lately, and so I sort of know that it's probably going to work out that way. I wonder if this makes any sense at all.

Well, time has really gone by quickly. Tomorrow night we are having our official "welcome to DTS dinner" and then the school starts on Monday. It's totally crazy. And we have been really busy too, just getting stuff ready (like the building, and all the little details). I'm just a student, but it's been good to see all that goes into running one of these before I actually go through it, I'll definetely have more compassion when things don't go exactly as planned!

But today was a good break from all the work. We went swimming with somepeople from church...it was really klassna! : )

Okay, I guess that's all for now!